Hoping to learn more about the essential mystery of living, soon after her father left, Anna began reading more philosophical books rather than novels. Her piano, at the beginning, about two weeks, stayed untouched. Somehow she was frightened of not knowing how to play or reading the notes. However, one day when Stacy was not home, she eased on the green stole, lifted the door of the piano and stared at the black and white keys. Then she laid her fingers on the keys without pressing them. She tried to remember a melody by an Iranian composer she had always loved and her teacher had first taught her to play. Could she able to play it without having the notes? She began murmuring the tune, and as the notes were gradually coming to her sight, as though they were right there in front of her, she began playing. She felt out of touch. She had not touched a piano for over three years. As she could hear the tunes in her ears, she played. First it was out of rhythm. She noticed that she was misplaying some notes. She started anew. Soon, the entire tune was in her head; and she played it as though she had the notes. Then she remembered more of her favorite music. By the time Stacy returned home from her date, she was playing for over five hours; the passing of time that she had not even paid attention to it.
"Oh, you're finally playing. I thought you never touch that piano." That was the first thing Stacy said when she entered the apartment.
Anna was startled by Stacy's sudden appearance. She had not even heard the door. She did not know that it was dark outside and late. Except the light in the kitchen, she had turned on when getting a glass of water, there was no light on.
"What time is it, Stacy? When did you come in?"
"Just now. It's eleven. Play something for me."
"It has to be something I know. I don't have my notes. Sunday I'm going to ask my dad to send them to me."
"That's fine. Play your favorite's. Whatever you like."
Anna played the first tune she had remembered that afternoon. That music was not familiar to Stacy's ears; nonetheless, the genius of the composer and the expertise of Anna soothed Stacy tremendously. Anna played more of what she remembered. Even though she had not played for all these times, it was obvious to Stacy that she was a natural. By the time they decided to go to bed, it was one in the morning.
Between each play, they had talked of their deepest feelings. Stacy was irritated by her boyfriend. Since Anna and Steve's engagement, Stacy wanted a more serious relationship with Charlie; but every time she had brought up the subject to him, he had refused to talk about it. Anna could understand her friend's frustration. She had also been there at one point. To solace Stacy was an act of stupidity and it would not do her any good. The best advice she could give her friend was to be patient.
"Time will solve all problems."
Stacy thought for a moment and then said in her speaking mind: " Time will also rob us from our existence." But to Anna, she said: "Did you talk to Steve today?"
"Yes, he called me twice. He's coming back next week."
"Do you miss him?" She asked Anna.
"Oh, yes, very much. I wish he could change job so he doesn't have to travel so much. He can't even tell me where he goes and what he does most of the time. I even don't know where he is now!"
"But you knew all these beforehand. You agreed to marry him anyway."
"I know, Stacy. But it's hard. I don't know if I will like it when we are married."
"You're not breaking up, are you?" Stacy had somewhat a sarcastic note in her voice.
"Of course not. I love him too much to back up. But he promised to practice law as soon as he finishes school and passes the bar exam." Anna's voice showed her true love for her fiance.
"That is good. I remember how worried my mom always was when my dad was travelling. We couldn't even talk to her; that is how upset she was. Thank God my dad is retired now."
Life had always been different when Anna was learning. Being a student again after a summer of many happenings and events slowly removed many bad thoughts and emotions from her. She found her mind in an actual perception afresh. Fundamental reality of existence and identity wove fantasy and absoluteness in a way that momentary she forgot that there was only a border line between reality and illusion. She had endured loneliness for so long that now she did not recognize the difference between solitude and boredom. She thought that she had mastered lassitude not loneliness; however, now that everything seemed perfect, she felt more isolated than before. Her life, appeared to others, like an exotic flower, but to her the difference between that flower and a weed was only a perception.
The spirit of her dead brother continuously haunted her and flew into her veins. She saw Aria, his soul, his mind, and his face being lifted up and stared into her eyes through his biting, piercing, and vehement eyes. He gazed at her and could not sever himself apart, looked and could not see enough of her, and could not let go of her hands and her piece of mind. His soul from grave haunted her repeatedly.
There was no happy ending to this train of thoughts and feelings. In fact the word "happy ending" were only an illusion. However in every one's life there are some perfect moments. Anna's life in this period was a "perfect moment". But she wondered when would all these nightmares end!? When would Aria leave her so she can live her perfect life?
To Be Continued
No comments:
Post a Comment