Sitting by the window, looking into the cold outside, Anna tried to feel what Aria felt; betrayal from a woman he loved, rejection from his father he respected . But would those rejections stop her from achieving her goal? She was not sure. She did not know what path she would take if she was in her brother's situation.
She waited in Aria's apartment for him. She assumed he would be home from work not later than twelve midnight. But it was not until four in the morning that he opened the door of his apartment and rushed in as drunk as he could be. In dark, he did not notice his sister was sitting by the living room window which was facing the parking. He threw himself on the sofa and a minute later Anna could hear his drunken snoring.
She thought anxiously as she was glued on her chair , in the midst of that brutal commotion of her soul, of the unjust way that life had treated Aria. She felt a great empathy for him. An unjust pain overshadowed her last thread of energy and she finally fell asleep.
"What are you doing here?" Aria was shaking her to wake up.
She rubbed her eyes while did not remember why she was in her brother's home. It was a bright day. She sat there for a minute mystified. Then slowly she recalled.
"I was waiting for you. I guess I fell asleep."
"Why? Are you spying on me?"
"No, but..."
"But what? I want my key back. You just can't barge in my place when I'm not home."
Anna's pride was injured. She looked at him. He had lost all the expression of a human face. He had become someone else.
"I need to talk to you. What are you doing to yourself? What is going on? Have you quited school?"
"Yes, I have. I don't have the desire and drive for school anymore. Schools are not for everyone."
"But that is not right. You're so smart. You were accepted in Medical School. Not everyone can do that. Does a woman like Rosy worth all these?"
"You wash your mouth and don't talk about her, understood!" His voice had lost its tenderness but what was left of it showed that it had once been a gentle one.
"I'm trying to help you. I am your sister, remember!"
"I don't have to remember. I know. But you're becoming a nuisance in my life. Leave me alone."
"You're killing yourself, all these drinking. What is happening to you? Talk to me."
"Just leave me alone. Go to your own home. I call you if I need you. Just leave me."
What does happen when one feels no solution for a dilemma? Anna's brain was drained of energy. When she left her brother's apartment, she did not know what her next step would be to save her brother or prevent a catastrophe. Her thoughts were shifting from one darkness to another. She closed her eyes not to see but her awareness was disturbed. While people her age were celebrating their youth, she was mourning for being young with not much experience. She felt a shattering sadness that was not her own. She realized that there was no joy in the reality that existed, and there was no rapture in demanding it but letting it go by.
Up to that day, there was something in her everyday life that she was able to take it with her to the night; nonetheless, now she did not want to carry those thoughts into the night. How could she free herself from that chaotic heritage within the actual limit of the beginning and the end, birth and death? She could no longer feel her irony will or her ability for evaluation, or her salvation for redemption. Many evil thoughts captured her and she noticed the absence of all her good visions. Her life, at that moment, was dry and dull.
To be continued
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