Chapter Ten||||||||Condemnation

Traumatic obstacle blocks my vigor to fly-
How does actualization dissipate in sky?
How does one forget the chains that lead?
Among happy crowd, my freedom impede.

In that dark, dirty, shapeless room,
So disorganized, filled with pungent perfume,
I collapse on that cold dark;
Among dampness and spark.

Unfeeling, mean eyes follow me there.
Fiercely from behind doors, they stare.
And a thick, heavy energy drifts away
From every crevice, I dismay.

why was I waiting for you in that cell?
Why was I sitting in that strange stench of hell?
Where vicious infirmity laid,
My indefatigable energy suffered.

Are we condemned from the grace?
Our unsteady steps will surely face
The hardship of the century, the scold,
The happy crowd, the angry crowd, the sparkle of untold.
*
Yearning for youth at age eighteen, Anna recollected things that had kept her from madness and averted her from hopelessness. She desired that energy, that strength, all those which had given her the power to break a man like her father, to convince him to yield to her hunger, and to move away from what she was born to do. Yes, she yearned that youth, that energy, and that optimism.
Now being where she always wanted to be, she felt so old and worn out that no hope or light could bring back that vigor. Her brother's life to her was at the threshold of a catastrophe, it was shattering; and she did not have any wisdom to save him. People who could give her advice were indifferent to her dilemma, and the only one person who needed to know about all these was her father. But she was afraid and horrified to make that one very crucial phone call; or perhaps she did not want to hear her father's criticize: "I told you so. I knew it."
Who else could she go to and beg for help. Her roommate, Marianna, had no wisdom whatsoever concerning family matters being the only child of a single mother. Her concerns were only her school, work, and boyfriend. Anything beyond that was a bother to her. Her attitude was "leave me alone. I don't want to hear your problems. I am tired of your problems." But problem was what keeping Anna from her own life, school, and goals. She had to do something before losing her sanity.
She conjured up the time that she had tried in vain to convince her father for going to America. She had thought then that everything in America would be thrilling, that she would end her old life style and would begin the mysterious new one in another country, that she would find new friends and leave the old friends behind, that she would abandon old habits and develop new ones. But now, this moment in America, she had done none of those wishes. She was still the former Anna, sensitive, over protective, and chained to her old habits. She missed the old friend and cousin, Fro. And she could not help the love she had for her brother or the way she wanted to protect him.
After a few days of wondering, questioning, insomnia, and complete bewilderment, she finally called her father. After all Aria had not called her or returned her calls. She was absolutely out of her mind.

To Be Continued