How could one defy the natural feeling that embody a weary and a boisterous soul that brace itself for one final attempt, the exertion to grasp an everlasting serenity? This new happening was startling to Anna's exasperated spirit and mind. She looked as if standing detached and observing obvious things, and then coming to the dead- end. This feeling was repugnant to her goals and promises. In the contrary, it was giving her a sense of changing. She could remember her promise to her father. She had told him that she would return to Iran as soon as she finishes school. Shahzdeh knew that her goal was not only to become a nurse but a nurse practitioner and professor of nursing school She had told him that her goal was to go back to Iran and to teach other young women to become nurse, an Honorable thing for women in her country. She had promised her father she would work in Tehran and would marry there, and she would be close to her family permanently. Now that the end of one part of her schooling was getting close, she knew in her heart, that she had no desire to return. She did not know how she would feel after the completion of getting her PhD. But for now, she was not sure if this decision had anything to do with her sense of freedom and liberty and falling in love with Steve.
The thought that perhaps one day she lives with a man, share bed and everything else with him terrified her tremendously. Now she had to learn internally and in silence how to act, how to think, how to search, how to look around, and how to discover things anew. Chain of thoughts, like little wave of a body of water, ruffled back and forth and finally crushed on the shore of her uncertainly. It was like a suffering of a disgusting disconnection which showed its presence after moments of exaggerated living; as though she was traveling in a dark tunnel from one darkness to another.
A few days later at the dinner table, Stacy made a spontaneous comment that shook Anna more, if she had already not shaken enough. "I think Steve likes you."
Stacy had the characteristic to say things so as to embarrass people. Anna was not usually discomforted by her unpredictable remarks. She always took them as some games, lark, intentional ones to draw out not only the answer to her questions but something much deeper; a catechising.
"I don't know what you mean!" Anna was pale and gloomy.
"Don't play game with me. You know what I mean. And I think you like him, too." Stacy sounded sarcastic; and then she continued: "There is nothing wrong with that. I like to see you and my brother..."
Then a long silence ensued. Anna frowned slightly. she had to be honest with her friend; nevertheless, the fact that Stacy and Steve were related made it very difficult to express her feeling to her.
"I don't know Stacy. I feel so strange these days." Anna said in a hesitating, unsteady voice.
"It is normal, Anna. You're nineteen and never had a date. I don't know how it works with Iranian girls, but here we start dating normally at age sixteen."
"Has Steve said anything to you? Why do you think he likes me?"
"I'm not stupid. I can see and feel, and besides I know my brother and I think I know you, too. And yes, he has told me if you agree of going on a date with him."
Anna flushed and felt oppressed. She stayed silent.
"There is nothing wrong with that. You go with him, get to know him better; and if you don't like him, you don't have to repeat it. I won't get offended, promise." Stacy said earnestly.
Anna shuddered.
"Don't be so shy. Do you like to go out with him, at least once?"
Anna was forced to answer because she knew her friend well enough that she would not leave her alone until she would compel an answer from her.
"It's not what I like or not. I can't."
"You mean you won't."
"It's different for me. I will but I can't."
"Why?"
"What if my father finds our?"
"He can't find out. You don't have to tell him. You're nineteen, an adult in America. If you get serious, then you can tell your father."
Anna thought for a minute. Stacy's reasoning sounded logical and wise; but what about honesty. She had never hidden anything this monumental from her father.
"I can't lie to my father."
"You're not lying. You're just not telling him. Do you tell your father every little thing you do here?"
"No, I don't. But this is not a little thing."
Well, consider it little thing. How can you get ahead in life without exploring different aspect of it? Don't you want to be married one day? Do you still want an arranged marriage? How can you know a man if you don't date with him. I know I want to marry one day."
"That is the scary part, Stacy. What if I don't like the man I date?"
"Then you don't date that man anymore. You date someone else until you find the one you like."
"This is way beyond my belief."
"What is your belief; Go back to Iran and have your father pick you a man?"
"But dating different men is an act of immorality in my country."
Stacy laughed so loud that tears began flowing from her eyes.
"Do you really believe in that, Anna? How can you know if you're marrying the right man if you don't know him?"
To Be Continues
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