Chapter Thirteen||||||||||||||||Connection

When the same understanding animates people,
When the same inner vision enters among them,
We are connected.
When a man feels the nature of a woman,
When a woman feels the inmost existence of a man,
We are connected.
When one senses the goodness of the earth,
When one sees the worth of ocean,
We are connected.
When the spirits are brightened in woe,
When the sadness travels in our bodies,
We are connected.
When we reach for our innermost nature,
And see the innermost nature of others,
We are connected.
*
As Anna clung to life since the world was not distinct to her apart from it, she knew that in this special world she would come across all the necessary components that she needed to succeed. However she did not want to undermine that for every absoluteness there was some aspects of absurdity, and for every achievement there was some failure. She knew there was cruelty in the world along with kindness and generosity; just like nature that could be so vicious for destroying life and could be so friendly and amiable for creating life.
Stacy's family was like the gratifying nature. They were generous, kind, and understanding. They treated Anna as though she was their child, too. They made her to feel at home, comfortable, and at ease. For the New Years Eve, a day before they were going back to Washington, They gave Anna a birthday party, dinner and cake with candles. They even insisted on Anna calling her family in Iran from their home.
That evening, after dinner and cake, Steve asked his sister and Anna to go out with him for the New Year's celebration. Mr. and Mrs. Williams, Parents of her friend, were getting together with a group of friends in a military club house to celebrate the New Year. Steve was planning to go back the next day as well. Anna still did not know where he lived. Everything about him was a secret; there was something like a mysterious halo surrounding him.
He was attractive, very handsome, much taller than everyone else in the family, and slim. His bony cheeks were blushed as though he was wearing a red rouge. He had dark brown hair and hazel color eyes. He always dressed casual; nonetheless, he was chic. That night he had a brown pants, and a soft woven silk blend sweater, with a brown leather jacket on. Stacy had her favorite red dress on which was of the shoulder fitted all over except the flounce at the bottom of skirt. This dress always accentuated her beautiful figure and greenish eyes, a color that Anna could not put a name on it. She was wearing her long, black coat over her dress. Anna was wearing a black skirt and a hand knitted creme sweater, her mother had knitted for her. A silk scarf, also creme was decorating her outfit. She was also wearing a black coat.
In the club, where they were treated highly respectful since everyone knew Steve, he asked Anna and Stacy what they wanted to drink. Stacy wanted white wine. Anna shyly said: "A coke!"
Steve laughed. "It's New Year and your birthday. A little wine won't kill you."
Anna smiled. The only time she had drunk was the last New Year with her brother. "Okay, white wine!"
Steve ordered whisky for himself. They brought a bowl of snack, mostly peanut, to their table. As Anna was moving from her shyness and sadness to this new experience, she was forcing herself not to forget who she was, what happened to her brother and especially the last New Year's Eve, when for the first time, she discovered her brother's drinking problem. Gradually she became lost in her thoughts in that dim club which was engrossed with loud music and dancing people. Stacy and Steve seemed very close to each other, just the way Anna had been with Aria. They even danced with each other to a fast disco music. Steve asked Anna to join them, but she said no. While they were dancing, Anna thought: "Why am I here? Why am I celebrating something superficial while the grave life out there is awaiting me?"
When the band stopped playing and there was a moment of peace there, Steve asked a spontaneous question that made her confused:
"Anna, why are you carrying so much sadness? Is this how you want to live your life?"
Both Stacy and Anna were shocked by his question; however, that was a very smart and true statement. Anna thought for a moment. She could not answer superficially a smart question:
"I am not satisfied the notions like sadness and happiness have the same meaning for everyone. What you see as sadness it may not be, and when you see happy faces, there may be screams of help and pain behind that happiness."
Anna's chair was moved to the side. She had her legs crossed, and her head tilted. The hair on her forehead was half covering her eyes. The knot on her transparent silk scarf was opened by itself and the scarf was flowing around her neck. She was a beautiful, sad woman which carried her aristocrat's background so well.
Steve laughed delightfully, but indeed did not smile. He was certain that this young woman did not intend synthetically to feature her personality of self-assurance and womanliness; nevertheless, she was confident and she was a woman. Stacy looked at her brother and then at her friend and saw a spark, a hidden one, in their eyes.
"Anna, you can't shield yourself from notorious life around you." Stacy said. "I am positive that with your irony will you'll overcome your suffering."
"Stacy, you're wrong. I don't shield myself from life, just the opposite. I embrace it. There are different things. One can live today and plan for future if does not, at least, glance at the past."
Steve was surprised by Anna's smart answer.
"So your world is not different one from us, is that what you said?" He asked.
"Every one's world is different than others. We all are influenced by our environment, culture, parents, were we are born, where we come from, and even tragedies." Anna said while looking straight in Steve's eyes. "Our world should not and can not be the same. We all create our own perspective of the world. What is yours can not be mine. What is lacking for me is plenty for you or the other way around. What matters is the indispensable. For me it is always present, now, by looking at yesterday and past."
"So if you seem to be so sad, you really are not?" Steve was perplexed.
"What is sadness. Judging apparent things is a superficial way of mannerism." Anna could not help her rude answer; however, it did not offend Steve or Stacy at all. They enjoyed that intellectual dialogue so much that Steve responded:
"Why don't we go to a more silent place?"
"I agree." Stacy responded.
The three of them left the club. The rest of the evening was spent in a piano bar, downtown Charleston. By the time they got home, it was one in the morning. The Williams were already in bed. They wanted to carry on the conversation in the living room, but none offered that. There was still a mysterious wall blocking them to get to know each other more.
In Stacy's bedroom, where Anna was also sleeping, the two friends thought of the good time they had, but neither one admitted that to the other. Stacy felt a startling empathy between her brother and Friend that evening. Anna felt nothing but a memory; nevertheless, a new vivid sensation was blooming in her. She recalled their dialogue which had gone on the entire evening. She conjured up a part of that conversation in bed anew.
"What is more precious to you, Anna, your home with all its constraint and confinement or your freedom and liberty here without being at home?" Steve had kindly asked her.
"Of course freedom without my home." She had said; but immediately she was shocked by her answer. She knew she had to be a different person for living in America. The life style of the two countries were so diverse that she had to change to adopt to this new culture. But had she changed?
"What good is freedom, liberty, and being in control if I am not at home?" She had said in a more dead tone than alive. "What can I do with all these if I am not home."
Steve was silent while Stacy tried to say something, a pleasant thing so that sadness could not remain there.
"Another words, one can not forget his or her roots!" Steve said.
"Of course not." Anna answered.
"That makes it very difficult to connect then." Stacy said after a long silence.
"No, it doesn't. We do connect in our own way. we can connect when we understand each other, feel others' pains, and know about good and evil." Anna showed her emotion which was mostly being overwhelmed. The sound of life was suddenly been quieted. Each of them strangely had heard momentary that silence of the world. Then Anna had begun talking again:
"I had freed myself from that innate confusion to certain degree and limit; just enough to function in this new life. We all do have a sense of freedom to choose and to do what we want to do but there is a certain limit exist there. For me it is an inward volition, a powerful force that reminds me of what is important and what is not and stops me of forgetting who I am."
Anna rolled in bed while remembering. Stacy was asleep. It was four in the morning. She got up and walked to the window in dark. Out there, where the streets, lights, trees, clouds, and the outline of the horizon were laid, there was also an electrifying sensation that slowly moved inside and entered her body. she felt that thrill. "Nothing has left me. Aria is still out there only in a new shape." She thought. "The base of my personality is built in past but somehow in a harmonious way is connected to present, to this new me. My whole existence, my sense of being and everything I am depends on all those."
As she walked back to the bed, she thought of starting a diary. she had wanted to do that for many years, but for some frightening reason, she had never done it. "What if someone reads it?"
As she sighed of relief for feeling Aria'a presence out there in nature, she eased into the bed. "If I just could take the nightmares away from him and added them to my nightmares, I might have stopped him of those depressing thoughts that drove him to death!"

To Be Continued