"JUDAS KISS" - Three- Ruby ☯ ☯ ☯

In the next one and half year that Helen Lived with

Roger, she was

treated like a princess. She had everything she wanted, from clothes to jewelry; however she felt like slave to Roger, his money, his beautiful home, and his caprice and whim. She had left the simple life of minimum pay, working at grocery store, sleeping in the shelter, and her good, poor friend, Jacob for this life of slavery and bondage, but glamorous. She made a lot of money. But the money went to Roger. She never saw it; and if she asked for it, Roger would say: "What do you need? Anything you need, tell Mark to take you to the mall and buy it for you!"

Her customers were mostly older, rich men. They even gave her tip which she tried to hide it from Roger, but he always searched her and did not allow her to keep even the tip for herself. Once that Mark was the one, who saw her first after a night of party, she put the tip in Mark's hand and closed his fist and put her finger on her lips, so mark would be silent about it. During this time, she was able to give some of the tips to Mark since she knew that he had family and young children.

Roger named her Ruby. Helen did not like it, but he said that Helen was an old- fashioned name and she needed a stage name; so she became Ruby. The only one, who still called her Helen was Mark. Once Roger got so angry at Mark that Helen thought he was about to kill him. Mark was always very careful to call her Ruby in front of Roger, but he knew better not to make a mistake in front of the boss, that was how Mark called Roger.

Roger had prohibited her to go anywhere by herself; that was how her friendship with Mark began. He was the guard, Roger's personal valet, and slowly became Helen's best friend in that dreadful house. He drove her anywhere she wanted. Some days, they spent all day out. He took her to different restaurants for lunch. He showed her the city of Dallas. Helen was very curious to learn everywhere just in case if she could run away one day, but she even was afraid to tell Mark about her intention. She had to be home not later than five in the afternoon. That was the time this woman, Joyce, who was her personal assistant, a white woman about forty years old, with artificial blond hair that you could always see the dark hair at the top of her head, always wearing very short and tight clothes, always showing her cleavage, and always flirted with Roger, would come to get Helen ready for the evening and the night. Helen knew that she had to be very careful with Joyce, since she already found out and Mark had warned her that she was a snitch and a spy. She would tell any thing that Helen told her to Roger. She would insist that Helen tell her about her day with Mark. As young as Helen was, she learned quickly to avoid this woman. Her answers to the bombardment of questions of these women was always the same: " Oh, we didn't do anything particular; just went shopping." "I don't see anything that you bought!" She quizzed Helen. " You know me, I am hard to please, I didn't like anything!" Helen learned very quickly that she could not trust anyone in that big house of horror.

At the beginning, in fact the very first day when Mark drove her with the limousine to that house and took her to her room, she was all alone for many hours before Roger came home; and when she finally saw Roger, she said:

Where have you been? I didn't know what to do!"

Roger frowned and gave her a look that frightened her:

Don't you question me again? Do you understand?" And then he continued with a little calmer manner:

"You're going to work for me; but I keep your money so you can't leave me. That will break my heart sweet heart! But I give you spending money."

Helen questioned him about this arrangement:

"Where does the money come from? What kind of work am I supposed to do? What do you mean by my money?" She asked many other questions. She had no idea what she had herself into!

" Don't tell me that you don't know what I expect from you? You already know. That is why you came with me! But because I like you personally, you'll be my personal girlfriend. Everywhere I go, I take you with me. So you need to learn to act and dress in a certain way. Joyce will be your personal assistant. You meet her tomorrow and she'll teach you everything. She help you how to dress, how to act, ...! I normally don't choose my girls as girlfriend, so you're very lucky that you have that privilege." It was that night that he told her about her new name. He slept with her that night and any night that she was not with a customer.

Almost immediately Helen found out what all these things were about. He was doing to her what her father had done for years, except now she would get paid, but she was not supposed to see the money. Roger would keep the money so the thought of running away would never come to her mind.

She also danced in this place that Roger owned. She never learned where the place was. Its customers were almost all men. Roger had had all furnished bedrooms which were beautifully decorated on the second and third floor of the establishment. The place even did not have a name. From outside, it looked like a regular house. There were many other girls, who danced and went with the customers upstairs; but none of those girls lived in Roger's house. So Helen assumed that she was Roger's special girl.

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Three- Ruby ☘ ☘ ☘ ☘

☖ ☖ ☖

Helen put on her pants suit on and left home. She hanged the jacket of her suit in the back of her car and started the car. It was hellishly hot to wear the jacket; but it was the policy of her company that the people who worked in the office, would wear either pant suit or skirt and a jacket; for men always coat and tie.

She conjured up the days that Jacob and she slept in shelter; sometimes if the shelter was too crowded or some drug addict or alcoholic made a pass on her, they would go to the Catholic Church next door, and slept on one of the pews. She recalled those days that they both worked minimum pay at Safeway Grocery store. It seemed like a long time ago! "Oh, those days!"

But those days had not last long for Helen. When she left Jacob in less than three months after they had arrive in Dallas, she had found a way of making money, a lot of money, a money she would and could not see for a long time. She left Jacob without saying goodbye to him. She left her work without telling her manager, the man, who had hired him, that she was leaving.

Her goal was not to be a dancer or a prostitute, but her new boyfriend, Roger, a black man about forty years old, told her that she was beautiful, that with her natural beauty, blond hair, blue eyes, the perfect figure that she had, and her being at her age almost six feet tall, she could make a lot of money. She did not have to work minimum wage at the grocery store, Roger told her. She was very smart beside being gorgeous, he continued. Helen was mesmerised by him. This was the first time that words like these were touching the chord of her emotion and heart. She recalled the beautiful words her father had told her in order to molest her. At the time she was captivated by her father's words; but now she knew those words were coming out of the mouth of a sick, criminal father, a man, who was supposed to protect her and her sister! Perhaps because of this background and want of easy money, since her job at the grocery store was back braking, she gravitated towards Roger so quickly. She did not say goodbye to Jacob, the poor, innocent Jacob. She really never cared for him. She did not signed off for that day at work or quit. She just left and did not go to the shelter or showed up in the morning.

The black Limousin with its driver was waiting outside in the corner street, where no one from the grocery store could see her was getting into this luxurious car! She was going with another dark and enigmatic man and she did not know it!

"Roger sent me. My name is Mark," The driver of the limousine said.

Later she found out that Mark was the special body guard of Roger. He was also guarded their extravagant home in Highland Park. Mark was a black man, she guessed about fifty or less, he was very soft spoken, and later became Helen's best friend in that house of horror.

Roger was driving in that street one day at the time that Helen and Jacob got off the work. He paused a little, rolled the window down and with a loud voice said: "Hay,"

Both Helen and Jacob turned toward this red Ferrari, with this very sophisticated man behind the wheel, and walked toward the car.

"Yes, did you call us?" Jacob said, Helen standing next to him. Roger sized Helen up and down and thought to himself: "Oh, what a beautiful girl!" But to them he said:

"Young lady do you know where is store here that sells men's shoes?"

Helen felt a little shiver in her body and said: " No, sir!" Roger drove off without saying thank you; But he began going there everyday and walk in the store. He took Helen to lunch one day. Jacob did not know anything about these. It took Roger only one week to convince Helen to go and live with him. So now Helen was in the limousine driving to her dream home and man...

To Be continued

Judas Kiss- Three- Ruby ✭ ✭ ✭

Their next major stop was Memphis, Tennessee. They had heard a lot about Memphis, the house of the

king of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley. The driver of the bus stopped for dinner in a parking lot of a restaurant. Again Jacob and Helen knew the deal the driver had With he owner of the restaurant. He even announced before he stopped the bus that the restaurant is a very good place for dinner and the prices were reasonable. They had no breakfast and a very small lunch, not enough to hold them down until they would get to their final destination. Now they knew it would be Dallas, Texas. Jacob said:

"Let's go and eat something!"

Helen's answer was no again even though her growling stomach said a different thing. They bought two burgers with french fries. They ate it sitting in the bus. They both seemed much happier, more alert with full stomach; however both were thinking the same thing: "What are we going to do?"

Helen pondered over that she had no feeling for Jacob. The only reason he was her boyfriend was because of his willingness to runaway with her and because he was generally a very decent young man. A few times he had tried to kiss her, but she had stopped her. He listened to her and obeyed everything she said or asked of him. She hated herself for this! She was giving a false hope to a boy, who had had a miserable life; but on the other hand, she thought: "I didn't force him to come with me!"

When they were finally in Dallas, they left the bus station with their two small bags. They felt lost in a big city with no aim, no money, no friend, or relative. The weather was so different than Chicago that they took their sweaters off and stuffed it into their bags. Jacob had a tee shirt on under his sweater and Helen had a blouse on. They began walking in the warm morning of Dallas to nowhere. They did not know where they were going, or what their plan was! As they were walking aimlessly to nowhere on the warm Tuesday morning of the early spring, they passed a Safeway grocery store.

"I think I saw a sign of Help Wanted on the door!" Jacob held Helen's hand and brought her to stop.

"Oh, let's go inside and find out!" She said joyfully.

They both got a job that morning. Jacob would work in the storage room so when the trucks came , he and couple of other young men would load and unload the goods from trucks, and then would open the boxes to distribute the merchandises to the right place. Helen would work inside the store as some one to put the merchandises on the shelves and put the prices on them with a hand machine. The manager of the store liked Helen's look right away and thought that in a few months she would work in the front. He told himself: "What a beautiful girl!"

But when it came to filling up the application and information about places of their birth, where they lived, and .... They both were horrified. They had no references, no addresses, no guardian, or parents that they would want to mention! The manger listened to their stories. He saw the stub of their bus thickets that they just had arrived from Chicago. He saw their small bags of clothing. For some reason, unknown to them, he believed their stories of running away from evil parents. He truly felt sorry for them.

"There is a shelter not very far from here. A church runs it. Go after work there. They feed you. They let you to use their facilities and shower. I don't know about sleeping arrangement. I guess you can sleep in the church.

☖ ☖ ☖

To Be Continued

Judas Kiss- Three- Ruby ✑ ✑ ✑

Without uttering a word, without moving a muscle, without waking up her sleeping limps, Helen

frowned deeply; lamenting, meditating; ominous menace was her expression; the dazzle of studious doubtfulness she had when was making decision of running away and getting ready for it suddenly faded swiftly into a vacant thoughtlessness! She remembered how she had stolen the twenty dollar bill form the kitchen table, where her father left it for her mother. In fact he had done this as long as she recalled. It used to be ten dollars and then fifteen, and now was twenty dollars. Mother complained that the money was not enough to buy grocery for four people. So she had finally gotten a raise; twenty dollars a day for everything she needed to by for that day!

All evening before her running away from home, father and mother fought over the money. Mother said that he had never left it for her; then she softened a bit and said that he perhaps had forgotten to leave it. Father said that he did; in fact he insisted that he had left the money while raising his voice and banging on the table. Then they got their children involved. When Charlotte said that she had no idea what they were talking about, Helen knew that she was telling the truth! When her turn came and they began questioning her, she said loud:

"Now you're telling me that I am a thief!"

She denied and swore that she did not know what this all was about, while the twenty dollar bill was tucked in inside her bra all day. Mother searched their room top to bottom; father searched the rest of the house. Meanwhile Helen was all shaken up in case they searched their bodies; but that never happened.

After everything calmed down and house was quiet, she packed her little black bag with only a few sweater she had; no over coat, no undergarment, just a pair of jeans and three sweater, a few books and some pictures. She did all these in the bathroom with the door locked from inside. Since she had begun talking about what her friends were telling her about her father's act and even once had threatened to call the police, father had not come to their room. Charlotte was not speaking to her. She blamed her older sister for taking father's love away from her!

She came back to the room, did not put the light on; pushed the bag under her bed and lay down on her bed with her clothes on. Her sleep that night was wakefulness.

To Be Continued

"Judas KISS" - Three- Ruby ✍ ✍

Jacob thought about running away many times, when he was older; but being a responsible young boy and worried for her sister and mother had always stopped him.

When Helen and he became friends, and only a month before they ran away, his sister ran off with her boyfriend; actually it was not running off for her, but it was leaving home for college and living with her ten years older boyfriend. She was already eighteen. When he heard Helen's story and her mentioning that she was thinking about running away, he also made up his mind to do so. He talked to his mother about his intention and begged her to divorce this monster; but his mother told him that she did not care if he left and she did not have the intention of divorcing the evil. He guessed that some people have so low self- esteem like her mother, that they would live in misery since they would not think they can do better. He even told her mother right on her face:

"You just don't like yourself and like to be miserable! You have no respect for yourself!"

Jacob knew besides drinking, they both did drugs. He had seen it even though they tried to hide it. The evil man had hooked his mother to drugs and alcohol, so she would never leave him.

In Springfield, Illinois, bus had an hour of stop for lunch. Jacob had only hundred dollars. This was the money he had saved up from his weekend and some evenings jobs as a grocery sacker. People from their bus all went to this cafeteria that the bus driver had parked in front of it. He had most likely had a deal with the owner of the cafeteria to bring his passengers there for lunch or dinner and perhaps get a free meal himself.

Jacob, being a real nice young teenager, wanted to take Helen there, too; but she said with her dry mouth and empty stomach:

"No, let's find somewhere cheap. We must watch how to spend our money!"

She, herself, had only twenty dollars. They walked in the open air. At the turn of the street, they found a convenient store. They went inside. They had sandwiches, soda pops, and juices. They just bought two salami sandwiches and walked outside. They leaned on the wall of the store, where there was a little sun shinning through the cloudy sky and ate their cold food. They went back inside to use the restroom and drink water from the sink.

Back in the bus, they had no idea where the final destination of the bus was. They had not even looked at the tickets. Fear of getting caught were in their minds the whole time. They decided to go all the way, where the bus would stop completely. They just sat on their seats and slowly fell asleep.

This road was a road that went on for miles, stretching without any end ahead, like their lives, like their dreams.

In her dream, Helen saw birds, lots of them. She was sitting on a bench in a big square. There were benches all around. Many people were there to watch the birds and to feed them. They were throwing bread towards them! The birds would fly down to where the breads were and so expertly grabbed them and flew back up to the sky. But there were many bird gathered around Helen. She was eating her cold, salami sandwich that Jacob had bought her. The birds attacking her to get her food from her hand. She was trying to hide her sandwich inside her fists; but the birds' beaks were hurting her hands and she finally opened her fists and lost her sandwich to the hungry mouths of the birds. She woke up from her horrid dream and found herself next to Jacob in the bus. Was this dream telling her something she already did not know? She was not sure!!

To Be Continued

"JUDAS KISS" - Three- Ruby ✪ ✖

"Common you guys, let's get you some food!"

Helen got up from coach. She was tired, sleepless, and did not feel like going to work. She opened a can of soft cat food, it was white fish and shrimp, for Tony, and a pouch of dog food for Miss Daisy.

She took her night gown out

and put a tee shirt and a short on very quickly so she could take the dog for a walk. In the morning Miss Daisy was always so ready to go out and do her things.

Her apartment was on the first floor. There was a little creek right in front of her apartment. Finding a place to walk for Miss Daisy was easy. She did not even have to take a bag to clean after the dog; no one did, even though it was a law. They called it scooper pooper.

As her pets were eating their food, she stepped into the shower, thinking about all the work she needed to do that day. She wished she did not have to go to the boss's home. But it seemed as though going to his house had become part of her secretarial job. She said in her speaking mind: "I guess I have to be grateful to have a job in this bad economy!!" But when she thought about how their company was in financial problem like many others, she sighed loud. The middle class women who mostly were their company's buyers and liked her boss's design, could not afford anymore to spend money on fancy clothes. Her boss had cut a lot of cost, laid off many of the factory workers, like other companies was outsourcing a lot to China, since the labor there was so cheap. Nonetheless his original customers, many high end of the middle class, either husband or wife, or both, had lost their jobs! The people who had lost their jobs, were collecting unemployment benefit which The government kept extending it. Many people were taking advantage of this and truly did not want to find a job, so all this stimulus packages, extension of unemployment benefit, saving the green jobs that they would bankrupt anyway, just to have photo ups with them, "we are creating so many green jobs!" were falling on the shoulder of tax payers people, like Helen, who worked hard. In the last year and half the debt had increased so much, even more than all the presidents combined. Only half of the country worked to support the other half! She had never seen anything like this in her sixty eight years on earth and in America! She could not wait for the next election, perhaps they would get lucky and get some one in the White House, who was not socialists and inexperienced!!!

In Helen's company, they were cutting on their expenditure, as much as they could!!

✐

The bus ride from Chicago to Springfield, Illinois was almost fun. For both, Helen and Jacob, this was the first time they were leaving their home town. Her boyfriend, Jacob, was two months younger than Helen. His father had left them and her mother for another woman when he was three and his sister was five. His mother married this man she had met in a bar in less than six months after the divorce from their father. Their stepfather began living with them almost from the first day that his mother had met him in the bar. He had no job, but kept saying that he had many opportunities. All day long he lay on the coach, drinking bear and smoking cigar while his mother was at work. At the beginning before they got married, he was not violent at all; he even helped around the house; but that was not the case when his mother married him. In the next thirteen years, his true face was a brutal, lazy, violent, and a nasty man, who took advantage of his mother, never worked, and beat up the children. Every time he wanted to be intimate with their mother, he did not care that the children could hear them. He did everything in a coercive and vicious way. Jacob put his hands on his ears so he could not hear his mother's crying and begging for some gentility and sweetness. His fury and brutality was not only for the children, but was also towards their mother! In the next thirteen years he was an extra insolent and abusive man to all of them. The opportunity for work that he constantly claimed, never came, so he never worked. "I can work tomorrow if I want! But I am waiting for something very suitable fort me!" Why should he work? If the mother went along with him and with this life and put her children under this kind of castigating behavior of her husband, why would he care?!!

To Be Continued

"JUDAS KISS"- TWO- Good- Bye ✐ ✐

The last thing that Helen did before running away from home, was to tell her parents and Charlotte at dinner table:

"It this continues with Charlotte, I'll call the police. I am not going to sleep in my room any more.

I'll be here in the living room on the coach, close to door. If he comes after me, I run outside shouting for help!"

Charlotte began screaming. She ran out of the kitchen. Mom and dad did not know that Helen was leaving them next morning; nevertheless they both said they did not know what she was talking about:

"Stop making up stories! Why don't you become a writer, since you're so good at creating untrue stories?" Mother said with bitter smile, standing up, with both her hands at her waist; a scene that Helen would never forget!

Helen had just turned sixteen , just about a few months ago. She witnessed her friends' normal lives, their happiness, their sorrow. They always asked her why she did not have a boyfriend. She did not know she could. Father told her once that now that she was growing:

"Let's pretend we are boy friend, girlfriend!!"

Her friends' displeasure and sadness were even normal. It should had been that way for her, too. She knew they had boyfriend about their own ages; she knew they go out for a walk, sometimes a movie, sometimes for ice creme. They would talk about the one kiss they had. The kiss had pleasure, had wonderment. Helen had already done all these and beyond not with a boyfriend but with her daddy. She had thought that she was daddy's special girl all these years, right under her mother's supervision and she had done nothing. At this point she had so much hatred for them that she could kill them both, nevertheless, she would never betray them. Sara said:

"How come you kill them but not call the police?'" Helen thought deep and long before answered:

If I kill them, I just relieve them of their sadistic, sick mind, if I call the police, then they're going to defend themselves, Charlotte won't cooperate, and they are going to drag me into the mud to save them; They are going to tell everyone that I'm delusional!!"

These days she smoked. She never had the money to buy her own cigarette, but she stole her parents' cigarettes. They had made her an adult in a hurry. Her dad chewed tobacco at work and smoked cigarette at home; so she always took form theirs. They blamed each other: " I swear I opened this pack this morning, look at it! it is all empty." They would say to each other. Smoking gave her a feel of adulthood. She did it in front of her friends. A lot of girls and boys her age smoked those days anyway.

She remembered the first time that daddy had involved Charlotte in their special thing. It was her tenth birthday! She was angry then! She was in fact was outrageous then!

"I thought I am your special child, daddy!" He answered: "Yes, darling, you're always my special one, but Charlotte is my second special child!" How sick! He raped them both that night for the first time. She said that it hurt; Charlotte said that it hurt. Daddy answered both of them: "You get used to it! It won't hurt when we do it again!"

Helen had hidden a small bag of clothing, mostly a few sweater under her bed. She did not want Charlotte to know she was running away. Her plan was to do it in the middle of the night when everybody was asleep.

Like every girl her age at school, now she had a boyfriend, too. His life was a complete chaos like hers, too. They had bought two bus tickets. They did not know their destination. When Jacob went to buy the ticket the day before he had said:

I want two tickets for early in the morning, I can pay only twenty dollars. There was a long line there for buying tickets, The clerk passed two tickets through the little opening window and got his twenty dollars. The bus was leaving at four in the morning, to where, they did not know. They had no money, no help, no prospect for future, far or close. It was early spring. The weather was still cold in Chicago. She left home at two in the morning with her little black bag. She had stuffed into it a few sweaters. She had no over coat.

She calmly went down the stairs. She could swear that her mother saw her. She was in the kitchen, drinking something and smoking a cigarette. She was crying.

To Be Continued

"JUDAS KISS"- TWO- Good- Bye ✍ ✍

Helen had not yet listened to her heart beats, but when she did, she felt that it was heaving violently.

"Oh, dad,

I promise that I never say another word to anyone. I promise!"

Father punished her that night by not giving her love and just to be with Charlotte. So her sister had all the fatherly love by herself. She had no more tears to shed. They were all dried out. She went to school the next morning hungry, early, and thoughtful.

In the next three years father and Helen had ups and downs. Without saying a word to her, she was always the sick man's favorite! So he never stopped their special love, but he made her to beg for it!

Charlotte was always needy, so needy for love from father; even though dad always caused so much physical pain for her; but she went along, never complained, and never said a word to anyone. It came a time that dad made her to take birth control pills, too!

In the three years before Helen's sixteen birthday, her relationship with dad turned sour a little more everyday. One day she talked to mother about all these! this was the first time she was discussing it with her mom. She told mom everything that dad did to her and Charlotte. Mom listened, never interrupted her daughter; let her go on with her story; her detailed description of everything that had done and for how long! She went on and on. Helen wanted mother to say something, to show some emotion or sympathy, but no, she said nothing!

"Mom, you've seen it yourself. I know you have many times! Please tell me something! I am so confused. You're acting as if it is okay what dad is doing to us; but my friends tell me that it isn't okay, that my dad is a sick man, that he's a criminal. They say that you're sick, too, that you don't take us away from him! Please mom, which one is right? Why are you so silent about this? I know that you know!"

Elizabeth sat on the chair in the kitchen and looked at her daughter with a strange grimace on her face. Helen could not read any impression on her mother's face. Finally she said:

"You two, one day are going to ruin my life. I have no place to go! I have no job, no education! If I do anything, he divorces me! What do I do then?"

"Mom, do you mean to tell me that what dad does to us is not okay?"

"Of course it's not okay!"

"So why aren't you doing something about it? How could you mom?"

" I told you, I have no choice; and if you go around and tell people about it, I say that you're lying, that you're making up all of it, do you understand?"

Eight years of thinking that dad loved her in this sadistic way, and mom knew that he molested his children and went along with it...!

She was sick to her stomach. Her friends were right! Her dad had abused her and her sister and her mom did not do a thing to save them! Mom had watched her daughters being molested by someone that supposed to protect them. These discoveries were too extreme to be called victimized or victim hood! They were uproar and ominous which the atrocities brunt of nights and morning of eight years brought everlasting revulsion and horror to her. How strange that all these times, she had been joyful?! Now that she finally recognized that the sick, great happiness and bliss of the last eight years was not elation, she could only perceive morbid act that had done to her for so long by both her father and mother would never go away; she would never recover, unless she could find some kind of power to make it to go away...!!!

To Be Continued

"JUDAS KISS"- TWO- Good- Bye ☁ ☁

During the coming years, father worked one daughter against the other to continue his sadistic act. Many times the two sisters saw that their mother opened the door and without putting the light on, witnessed what her husband did to her daughters! But she never complained or said anything, or acknowledged that something this barbaric and savage was going on in her house! So the girls thought what the father was doing was normal since mother knew about it and did not stop it, or left her husband with her children! Their policy at home was that never to speak anything to others about what happened in their home!

During the day everything was normal. He came home from work and asked the girls about their school, homework, and usual things that fathers do! He expected them to do good at school. Should any of them got a bad grade in a subject, she would be grounded. Therefore both of the girls were good students. Their punishment for not getting good grades, or not doing their homework, or their chores around the house, was a few days or even one week denial of love from father.

He took them shopping for school, or for Christmas like any normal family. He was a no- nonsense man and strict father. It was important for him that they did good at school. He had a dream of college and good future for them since neither him or his wife had college degree or even high school diploma!

But none of these rules stopped Helen of talking about her nightly adventures with dad with two of her best friends! She was about thirteen when she began talking to her friends, Sara and Marilyn. She just had gotten her first period. She did not know the connection, but her father made her to take these pills every night of the month except one week. She wanted to ask her mother about it, but she changed her mind. As young as she was, she knew that her mother's answer would be vague and frivolous. Her friends had just gotten their periods, too. The three of them talked about things they would not dare to speak to their parents! They had a big fight that day! In fact it was Helen, who started the argument. Both Sara and Marilyn told her that her father was a sick man, that he was a criminal, that he was a child molester! It was obvious that that they lived in a very normal home with right- minded and loving parents, who had taught them the true right and wrong, not the falsehood and canard that Helen's parents instilled into her and her sister!

Helen did not know any of these words about one's parents that her friends were using. They explained to her what those words meant! They even told her that her father could go to prison for what he was doing to her and her sister!

How could all these be wrong? Five years of intimacy with father, a mother that knew all about it and approved it, a sister, who was finally sharing dad with her for the last three years!! If they were immoral, why had not her mother done anything about it?

Her friends told her that the pills her father made her to take, were birth control pills that had just recently been discovered by the drug companions; and they most likely would have side affects.

"How stupid are you?!" Sara said.

"Have you ever asked yourself why he doesn't give the pills to your sister?" Marilyn put a stamp of ambiguity on Helen's confused mind.

She had heard about birth control pills! In fact she had seen that her mother was taking the exact, identical ones like the one she took!

Talking to her friends caused her to question her dad that night! He became so angry that he could not finish what he had started it. He was so outrageous that he was screaming:

"How stupid are you? This is our secret, our private thing! You just don't go around and tell people about it! I just don't want you anymore! Charlotte by herself is enough for me. You destroyed our special love, you moron!"

She was called stupid twice that day. Tears flowed down her face. Charlotte was happy that her older sister, dad's favorite, was falling out of favor!!

To Be Continued

"JUDAS KISS"- TWO- Good- bye ✺

This post is not for children and may be offensive to some!!!!!!!!

Father held his head up and muttered: "You're small and pale!"

He touched Helen's face with his rough and coarse hand. The construction work had made his hand crude and chapped. Helen felt something inside her burning and cutting her heart in to pieces! When she felt that he had removed his hand from her face and touching her in places that her mother told her many times, "Never allow a stranger to touch you there!" But father was not a stranger! Her body began to twitch; but her mother had never told her that fathers were not allowed to touch their daughters in those areas. She knew that her sister, who shared the room with her, was awake. Charlotte told her that she knew all about it. There was envy in her voice as if she was saying: "Why you, not me?"

Father moved his hand up and down her little body. She liked everything he did to her except the kissing. Her father's breath smelled of tobacco. It was a harsh and nasty odor. She told him once: " Dad don't kiss me. I don't like it."

"Come on, honey! you're my special child. You know that, don't you? Don't be like your mother? It all begins with kissing!"

So Helen learned that she was not the only one dad kissed; that her mother did not like it either!

"But dad, your mouth smells! I don't like it!"

"Don't think about it. Think about the privilege you have that your father loves you so much!"

So she tried to convince herself that kissing was part of father's love for her. She agonized over the sharp and pungent odor of tobacco, yet she tried to think about the special love her dad had for her.

The real intimacy did not happen until she was ten years old. Her father had begun to come to her bed when she was eight years old. He always satisfied himself by different means! The day she turned ten, her mother backed a birthday cake for her and invited some families and friends. This year party was better than years past. Charlotte was very envious. Her crying and acting up all that day proved to mother that she was just a little eight years, jealous girl, who envied her older sister so much. She promised her that when she turned ten, she would get a birthday party even better the one for Helen.

That night, Helen waited for dad to come to her bed. After all she had turned ten. He came a little later than usual; after taking his clothes off, he threw himself on the bed, next to her and said:

"Your mom wanted me. Everyone wants me; but I want you! Isn't that an honor for you?"

"Yes, dad!" Helen's voice was soft and shaky. She added: "Do you do these things with mama, too?"

"Sometimes! I have to. If I don't, then she might not let me come to you!" He kissed her deep and long in her mouth. Then continued:

"Because today was your tenth birthday, we're going to do something very special tonight!" Helen wanted to know what "very special" was. Charlotte, on her bed, was listening. Her being upset all day, carried itself all the way to bed. She began crying silently and thought to herself: "Why always Helen not me!"

Dad lay down next to Helen and began kissing her. She had forgotten about the pungent odor of the chewing tobacco which she had always complained about it. She recopicated and kissed her dad back. It was a delight! that was dad's description of being with her. He touched her and asked her to touch him; so she did. All of the sudden the room lighted up. He sat up, but the light went off at once. Both Helen and dad saw it was mother, who had turned the light on and off and was leaving the room.

"Was that mom?" Helen asked.

"Who cares my love. She won't do anything. " He continued his kissing and touching. Slowly he began undressing his daughter.

"Dad, you never did this! I don't like it!"

"Oh, sweet heart, you will, you will... I bet Charlotte is so jealous now. I know she is awake now. Let's ask her. If you don't like it, I can go to her!"

"No, no, dad, it's okay!" But dad called Charlotte anyway:

"Do you want to come here? Have fun and loving with us?"

That night the two sisters slept with their father. They competed in pleasing him. They did everything he asked them to do. To them, this was love, love of a father to his children. Being special, he made them to kiss him and to kiss each other. He had both of them that night. They both cried of pain. It hurt them a lot. Their mother listened to the whole thing behind the door, and did nothing!!!!

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To Be Continued

"JUDAS KISS" - One- Lucky Helen ✔ ✔

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Now sitting on the coach with Miss Daisy and Tony, Helen thought about all her effort to get a confession from her parents! "So futile, so vain;

now they're dead!"

She began crying. Tears gushed down her cheeks, yet her grayish blue eyes glistened; they were as beautiful as when she was a very young woman!

She lay on the coach; Miss Daisy moved from her side and lay herself down at the bend of Helen's knees, licking her bare skin there. The faithful, beautiful dog knew that her mommy was upset. She always licked her when Helen was depressed. Tony was at top of her head with his front paws draped around her neck. She had not touched her coffee. She moved the pillow she always used it for her back because of her chronic back pain and put it under her head. Tony did not like this move and ran off. She called him, but she knew he would not be back now.

She thought about work, about the demand and expectation that her boss had from her. She was more than an assistant to him. He expected her to go to his house, to check on things, to bring something he had forgotten to work. When he was travelling with his boyfriend whether for business or pleasure, he expected Helen to go to his house and check on his two dogs, and one parrot he had. She had to go twice, before and after work, to feed them to send them out so they can do their thing, clean up the parrot's cage, put fresh food and water for the three unlikely animals he and his boyfriend had. His dogs were one very small about only two pounds, beautiful toy dog, and a big, German Shepherd. But the dogs were the best of friends. Once he had asked Helen to stay at his house when he traveled. She had no choice but to tell him that just checking twice a day was as far as she would go. Once in the morning she saw the two of them in bed. They were supposed to be back that afternoon. Helen just went inside. She had no idea that they were already back. He sat on bed and looked at her surprisingly and then said:

Oh, my God, we came back last night! I forgot to call you!"

At the beginning, when she had started working in this company, she could not believe that almost all in this company were Gays. They were all nice and kind people. The boss was a good boss, but demanding. He expected too much from Helen, many of them privet affairs which had nothing to do with the business. Helen had a good relation with all the designers. The boss himself used to be married. He had two grown children. His former wife was a good friend of him; but who knows why he had turned Gay or decided to become gay. Doing business with other companies, Helen had realized that most men that they were in fashion industry and designing gowns for wealthy women were homosexuals. Her job was not only being a secretary or as she preferred to call herself an assistant to the boss, she also ran errand for him all the time. She knew top to bottom of his and his boyfriend's lives. She even did grocery shopping for them. If he had a party, Helen was always there to help out. At work, she typed letters, kept appointments, made travel arrangement, organized fashion shows, made the payroll, and many other things. She was a very busy woman; sometimes would not get home till late in the evening; but he paid him for the using of her car and the extra hours she always put in. He always brought her beautiful gifts when he went to Paris or Italy to participate in fashion shows. He was very generous with her. Sometimes when his model would not show up to try the samples, he asked Helen to try them. Helen still was a beautiful, fit woman. He expected that Helen like the model to get undressed in front of him, but she refused to do that and used his private bathroom to change. Many people called him the Robin hood of the fashion industry. He did not mind it. He took from other designers but in a way that no one would even imagine. He would use the bodice of one, the skirt of the other, the sleeves of the third, the shawl of the fifth and drew the most beautiful gown. His drawing was breathtaking! He was able to keep the cost down, so most women who were not very wealthy could buy his beautiful and well made clothes. Over all she was happy in her job.

Her eyes were getting heavy and she was about to fall asleep when she heard the alarm going off in the bedroom. Too much for sleeping. She needed to get up; it was time to arise! This morning she had to go to the boss's home before work. They were in Paris. She had to go there to do the usual, the dogs, the parrot, the mail!

She stepped into the shower, tried very hard to get the sleep out of her mind. She had had sleepless night before, and survived it. She did not yet listen to her heart beats of everything she had thought about the night before sine she knew that her heart was heaving excruciatingly! She was happy that she had a job, almost a good job with good pay. The little black bag was empty now. She did not need so much money for herself, no that was not the case; but her children were always in need of something or in some kind of trouble.

Her joy of having a good job was more like a tumult which the horrible distress of the sleepless nights and stressful mornings after of defiant headaches, she could only observe. It would be a real joy when she could recover from the insomnia and the morning pain and had the power to feel true alleviation.

This road she was taking, although it seemed from outside a healthy and safe road, would go miles and miles for her without any exit, end, or destination. She had seen too much monstrosities to be joyful, but people who did not know her story called her, "Lucky Helen"! The road of her life stretched like her pains, like her dreams or nightmares on and on, no ending, no beginning, no journey's completion, no stop, no purpose!!

She had resolves and aspirations when she had begun, but somehow along the way, she lost that desire, that intended resolution! She blamed it on her father, mother, Roger, her husband, and a whole hosts of others; while people on her way called her "Lucky Helen"!!

To Be Continued

"JUDAS KISS" - One- Lucky Helen ✪ ✪

When they lowered her father's casket into the depth of the earth, Helen was thinking about the discussion they had had only a few months before his death. She wanted her father to confess to what he had done to her and her sister. She had tried it with her mother many times; but each time she accused her of lying. She took a weekend and went to Chicago. Her parents still lived in the same house that she was raised. This trip was unannounced! She rang the bell. Her mother opened the door. The unhappiness of seeing her daughter behind the door glared in her face.

"Oh, it's you! you didn't call?!"

"No, mom, I didn't. I won't stay long. I must talk to dad!"

"Not again! Why don't you let go of all these lies you've made and even influenced Charlotte to say the same thing?!"

"Mom, you know I'm not lying. Let me just come in. I'll leave tonight. I won't be long! Aren't you at least happy to see me after all these time?"

She saw her dad coming down the stairs.

"What is all these noises?" He still had the same tone of voice as if aging had never affected him. His voice was exactly as it was when he was purring love words on her ears eons ago.

"Helen is here." Mother said in an abrupt, incisive intonation. She stepped back so Helen could come inside. She did not have any suitcase or bag with her.

"She is not staying long. She is here for the same old stuff!" Mother said with a derisive smile in the corner of her lips.

Helen helped herself and sat on the old love seat they had had since she was a little girl.

It was a cold wintery days. As usual wind was whistling. Snow had fallen the night before and it was expected more bad weather to come. Mother went to the kitchen. It was late in the morning. The house felt cold, damp, and old like its occupants. Dad sat across from her, putting one leg under the other. He had had a bad back for a long time. He always said that sitting this way helped to ease the pain in his back.

"So, how you're doing? How are your kids?" He said it in a way as though he was saying : "What the hell are you doing here?"

"We're all fine! I'm here dad, for the last time. I want you dad, for the sake of my sanity, once and for all confess to what you did to Charlotte and me! My therapist tells me that your confession will help me to heal! I..."

At this point mother came to the room.

"What are you guys are talking about?" Her head jerked furiously.

"The same old stuff that she doesn't let go off! She's come all the way here to get a confession from me! can you believe that?"

"Oh, my lord!" Mother said frowning slightly, and then continued:

"Why are you making up all these stories? Why don't you leave us alone?"

"Mom, you know it, too. You saw it many times. You just went along with it because you didn't know what to do, how to live on your own?! What kind of mother are you? I know you saw it more than once; and then ran out of the room!"

"You just stop it now! leave us!" mother showed her exasperation in a way that Helen had never seen.

"No, I won't leave until he tells me what he'd done to Charlotte and me!"

"I've never done anything to you two. You're just crazy. You're making all these things up. Look at Charlotte, four marriages, five kids, now I heard she is doing drugs and stuff. And you no better than her. Do you want to tell me these are all our faults?! You two are just awful and embarrassing to us!"

On the way back home that evening. Helen thought that she would never get a confession from her father or mother!

Watching they threw dirt on her father's casket, put an end to all these! Now coming back from burying her mother, the affliction of her childhood would stay unsolved for ever. How such a suffering could end now?

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To be continued