JUDAS KISS- NINE- HEREAFTER ☏

Helen knew in what perplexity hereafter she was suffering; and what apathetic torment was teaching her the secret of a little joy! This new elation was not losing Jacob, but was gaining part of him! She was not thinking about the future, about when Steve would return and would find out that she was pregnant! Those were things for future. For now she had part of a man she loved and loved him only, with carrying part of him with her at all times; listening to its heart beats as if she was listening to jacob's heart heaving when he had taken her in his arms and made love to her!

She heard from her friends at college that this man coming everyday and asking for her; however she had made up her mind to let him go to his wife and his son. She craved him like a mad woman; but she decided from the two of them he needed to be saved and to have a normal life. She believed in the cliche: "Time heals at wounds!" She was certain that Jacob eventually would froget about her!

"Hereafter, he'll love his wife again and forget about me!" She kept saying this to herself. She sent a message to him through a friend:

"Stop coming after me! You're ruinning my career and yours! I don't love you. My Steve is retiriung and coming home soon. I've realized he's the man I love. Go to your family and let me go to mine! Please for God's sake leave me alone. I don't love you. It was all a big lie. It was all a big mistake; it was all about sex!"

She cried for two days when she heard that Jacob had received her message. She knew that he did not believe her; but she also knew that she had injured his pride. The only thing that now she had to hide form everybody was her pregnancy until some God sent wisdom hit her on the head. She did not want to quit her job, yet she did not want anyone know that she was pregnant There was no way by passing days that she would go for abortion as the doctor had recommended, beside the fact that it was illegal then. She would keep this baby even if Steve would kill her. Now this baby was her true love; her new Jacob!

By Christmas, her clothes were tight on her and she had to wear big sweaters to hide the little pouch of her stomach. Luckily she had no sickness concerning this pregnancy. No one knew! No one was suspicious. She had seen Jacob a few times when she was leaving the college. He normally stood by the main building just in case she would change her mind. On these occasions, she would always walk back inside the building and stayed inside until he got tired of waiting and left!

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Eight- Disarray ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔ ✥ ✿ ✺

Jacob even went to church by himself. He was there to confess; something he had not done for many years. He felt that there was an extra retribution in blaming oneself. When we chided ourselves, the act of self condemnation would make us feel good, feel less guilty! When we do that to

ourselves, no one could have the right to blame us anymore. But then after confession to the priest, it was the confession not the priest that gave him the absolution!

His problem with his wife continued. fall came and Helen began her teaching career. He could not use her lunch hour to see her anymore; besides Steve was coming home in January or February of 1968 to retire. He wrote in a letter to Helen that if he stayed any longer, he would lose his mind and become insane. Helen and Jacob, both had made a chaos of everything !

They arranged to see each other on the days that Helen got off work early. He began taking off from work on odd hours. Almost everybody at work was suspicious and almost everybody was amazed that Mr. Holland tolerated all these the way he did!

Every time they saw each other, Helen wanted to tell him:

"Go home, go to your wife and child!" But each time she stopped. She knew about his marital problems, about his father- in- law's suspicion.

It was in October of 1967, when she had a follow up with her doctor for her constant headaches, that the doctor told her that she was pregnant!

"I wonder how you haven't noticed it yourself. You're about eight weeks. I thought your husband is still in Vietnam!!"

Helen thought for a moment. Just that little speech of the doctor had ruined her life!

"Yes, he is still in Vietnam!"

"Wow, what are you going to do?" The doctor was honest in his concern.

"Nothing!"

"You mean you won't have an abortion?! I know a doctor who does it! What are you going to do about your husband?" He suggested.

"I don't believe in abortion. It is murder. You know I'm catholic. No I keep the baby!'

That evening, she started a fight with Jacob and no matter how hard he tried to know the reason of this phony fight, she kept on arguing for things that made no sense. She did all this to break up with Jacob; to let him go, to save him; while she, herself, was in a lot of troubles. She did not take no for an answer.

"Go home to your family! We both have made a big mess with our lives!"

She sent him home to his wife and son. She never told him that she was pregnant. She turned off her telephone the same day.

In less than a week, she changed her apartment finally, something that her husband wanted since the beginning of their marriage. But she did it not to please Steve, she did it so Jacob could not find her. She got an unlisted telephone!!

To Be Continued

Judas KISS- Eight- Disarray ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔ ✥ ✿

"You're under a lot of stress! Your husband being in war and all! You're being worried for him and things that he

tells you about war when he comes home! You must not let these things

stress you out this much!"

Helen thought to herself: "How can one stop herself of not stressing out?" But she never told the doctor about the true happening of her life; about the fights she had with Steve, about her love affair with Jacob...

She began seeing Jacob the same day that Steve left. The road they had taken went on for ever, never ending, kept stretching ahead. It was like their lives, like her life, his life. The only difference between the two of them was that Helen before seeing Jacob at the New Year's eve party, knew that she was unhappy. She knew that her marriage to Steve could not last. She knew that she did not want to divorce him now that he was serving his country. She hated the famous cliche, "Dear John Letter"! She wanted him to come home not for leave but for staying and then ask for divorce.

But for Jacob the problem was after seeing Helen at the party. He thought that he was a happily married man, a lucky man! He had almost completely forgotten about Helen; therefore about his childhood crush on her.

Seeing Helen that night had changed his life. He did not want to hurt his wife, but now he had no feeling for her. He knew that she was suspicious that something was amiss with their relationship. He loved his new born son, the little chubby boy that even at that young age looked so much like him. He recalled his own life with his mother, sister, and stepfather. He thought about his father, who had left them when they were very young. He did not want any of these for his own son, little Drew. But his need for Helen was so strong, like a magnetic pull, that he could not stop himself of not seeing her! His mind was telling him to stop, yet his heart would take him to Helen!

Melisa, his wife had become distrustful of him! She even had threatened that she would leave him; that she would tell her father and ask him to throw him out of the law firm. The result of his bar exam came and he passed it. But now his wife telling him that he owed everything he was to her father, to her family. He knew that she was right!

Mr. Holland, his father- in- law, offered him to become a partner in the law firm. That was the strangest proposal from a man who already knew that Jacob was unfaithful to his daughter. He had invested so much money and time on Jacob, which at the beginning was a total stranger to him, to let it go to waste because of a childhood crush! He had a privet investigator to follow Jacob. He knew everything. He told his daughter:

"Forget about the divorce? Most men stray once in a while. Just be patient. I fix up everything!"

"Dad, how about you? Did you stray?

"To be honest with you, yes!"

"What happened?"

"Nothing, Your mother found out! we had a lot of fights! But at the end, she won and I knew that I was wrong! I never strayed again!"

So Melisa decided to be patient as her father had advised her!

Every time Jacob held his son, he understood that he should be with his child always, from now on; and to do for him what he was denied himself! He should never leave him; he should be with him to the end of the world. Every time he looked at his son, his heart heaved; but when he went to see Helen, his heart palpitated heavier!!

To Be Continued

Judas KISS- Eight- Disarray ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔ ✥

The things Steve told Helen about war, the danger, the atrocity, and specially about when the soldiers were taking time off for R and R in Saigon were heart wrenching! Those occasions, when Steve talked about war, were the only times that Helen was all ears and they did not fight.

One of the things that young Vietnamese, bar women in Saigon did to

American service men were so horrible that Helen lost sleep over it for a few nights. These women who were either sympathetic to North Vietnam or were threatened by them through Vietcong, ground glasses to very fine powder and mixed it with the beer that Americans drank. No one could see this ground powdery glass in the beer bottle or glass. Many American soldiers died or wounded seriously this way!

Or some of these bar women took Americans, who were lonely and faraway from home for a long time, to their homes and slept with them. The American soldiers were thankful to these beautiful Vietnamese girls. But none returned in the morning to their bases. These girls cut the throat of the soldiers in sleep; in some cases they cut even their penes and put them in their mouth!

Very soon American Military found out about these atrocities! Steve told her.

"They ordered all American servicemen to take their R and R in places like Japan, Philippines, or Taiwan, not in Saigon anymore!"

The revulsion in Helen was too strong to be called disgust. It was a tumult and uproarious compulsion which the terrible strain of the night, morning, day time, made an unending pain both physically and mentally on her! She began having terrible headaches; and because of that their arguments increased in their intensity and length. She thought that these headaches would go away when Steve was gone, when she would be with Jacob again; but that was not the case. They continued! Horrible headaches that even made her to vomit.

Jacob insisted that she should see a doctor.

"You never had these headaches before! What did he do to you to cause these?"

So now Jacob was blaming her husband for her headaches!! She kind of did not like it. She told Jacob the stories of war and atrocities that Steve had told her:

"Since I heard these things, my headaches began!"

However she went to the doctor. The doctor listened to everything she said, to when the headaches had started and made a correct diagnosis!!

To Be Continued

Judas KISS- Eight- Disarray ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔

Helen had not yet listened to Jacob's heart beat; but she felt her own heart palpitation, which throbbed violently. She knew, yet she did not know if Jacob's wanting

her so much was only sexual or he was truly in love with her. Nevertheless, what she saw in his eyes was a real love that she had never seen it with any men!

She was told more than enough that she was a good lover! Wasn't that what Steve, her husband, always told her; even when they were fighting like two wild animals! She did not know how, where, and when she had learned to be so sexual; to know things that pleases men; therefore pleased herself! Was it the teaching of her father: "Do this, touch that, kiss there, ..."; or the year and half making money for Roger, so much so that Roger had picked her as his own girlfriend. He had many girls that doing what she did, but none of them were Roger's favorite! Helen was!

A day before Steve's arrival, he told Jacob that they had to stop, that Steve was coming home, that people were talking behind their back, that his position in the law firm was in jeopardy, that Mr. Holland might find out about it, that his wife might divorce him, that ...

Jacob agreed with her; nevertheless, like a little boy, he began to cry. She cried, too; but tried to act normal with this big baby! He asked her to promise him to call him, to get back to their love affair immediately after Steve was gone! She did! At the time her plan was not to keep her promise, but the minute Steve left after twenty days stay, she picked up the phone and called him.

During Steve's stay, They fought the whole time. They fought because she had not yet changed the apartment. They fought because he wanted to start a family right away. They fought because she had not started to teach right away for Spring semester, and delayed it till Fall semester. They fought for big things and small things!

But when night came, he forgot all about their quarrels and immersed himself in her body, in her perfume; unaware that this time Helen, who was as sexual as before, was not making love to him; she was making love to Jacob with her eyes closed and having the illusion that the man, who was devouring her, was Jacob not her husband, Steve!

She could not wait for Steve to leave. She did not want to divorce him, not when he was serving their country. People were already against this war and treating the soldiers so poorly. She was an honorable woman with all her shortcomings!!

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Eight- Disarray ✔ ✔ ✔

For Helen the future was a mystery which she never made any effort to discover it. At this moment of her life, the present was meaningful and momentous; it was hers; it tortured her while it gave her the true pleasure she had never known before! She was denied a real love, a true friend, a true lover! She did not know how it felt when confronted one! But now that she had found it, there were barriers, obstructions, and impediments everywhere along the way and in front of her. Even her mother had never

shown a real and true love to her!

She was married; he was married; he had a child now. She acted brave and carefree, yet she was frightened of Steve. She had yearned things that she did not know existed before; and now that she finally found them, she had to give them up to save mostly Jacob.

He had a family; a father- in- law, who had helped him to become what he was; and most likely he would give him what he had when his time for retirement or death would approach! He had said himself that he did not have a son! He even did not visit his son in prison! For him, his life was his daughter, Jacob, and little Andrew, which had gotten his name!

Helen truly did not want to ruin his life. She did not care if her life was ruined. Now she knew what the word "LOVE", that writers, poets, mothers and everyone used so often, really meant. It was when you give of yourself to save the one you loved. She would never do that for Steve or anyone else, she would only do it for Jacob!

Every time that she decided to tell Jacob that they needed to stop, he kissed her mouth and told her to hush up. He had also found a true love. He had never forgotten Helen, that sixteen years old who ran away with him from Chicago. All these years he had been in love with her and no one else. Now he know! He wanted and desired her like a mad man! She wanted him like a mad woman! However, she knew that she had to let go of him; he knew that he could not let her go! She did not mind to lose what she held so dear in heart; what she had been denied all her life; what her vehement, newly aware being demanded of her so passionately!

The distinction was like a hand playing with masterly and methodically quality on the strings of her emotion! She had a soul that awareness crawled spontaneously into feeling, and feeling dashed back as a new element of proficiency!

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Eight- Disarray ✔ ✔

Steve's personal life was a total disaster. He had come back to see Helen was in the same apartment, and pregnant with another man's child. However, no matter what she did, he could not live a day without her. He was madly in love with her. She refused to tell him who the father of the baby was. Not only it was too late for abortion, She told him in her carefree way:

"Even if it was not late, I wouldn't do it. You know I am Catholic. I am against abortion. I know you are, too. Don't tell me that you're okay with abortion!"

He had returned to his wife that did not care that she was pregnant. She told him that she wanted a divorce; that she did not love him. He did not understand this loyalty he had for her! This crazy love that he had for her was sickening to him!

✔ ✔

Before Steve came for his second leave in Mid January of 1967, Helen had the best of the time in her life. Jacob came to her place almost everyday. He craved her like a hungry dog. She wanted him as if he was a big, clear, several carrots diamond! In that fifteen days from the New Year's Eve party to the day Steve came home for his second leave, they saw each other everyday. They were careless and carefree! Meanwhile a week into this relationship, Melisa, Jacob's wife gave birth to a baby boy. Even that day Jacob came to her after doing his duty as a good husband, which meant to stay by his wife side at hospital, to hold her hand while she pushed and screamed and cried until the baby came. They named the baby Andrew, after Melisa's father. Jacob told Helen later on that day that it was the right thing to do!

People at work were suspicious to him and his behavior. The friends that were with him at the New Year's Eve party even joked with him about it:

"You're taking long lunches these days! What are you eating? Only food?"

These men had seen him with Helen at the party. They had watched that he had disappeared with her! They had seen his car in the parking lot of the hotel when they were going home that night. Nonetheless, he denied completely that he was having an affair with another woman!

"I don't know what you're talking about?"

They finally left him alone. Neither of them were hundred percent faithful to their wives; so they knew if they betrayed him, they would betray themselves as well!

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Eight- Disarray ✔

Steve was among U.S. Combat Units, who were deployed in 1965. At the time, operation stretched over borders, while Laos and Cambodia were severely bombed. The Cambodian Campaign was a civil war and a conflict that set against the forces of the communist party of Khmer Rouge and North Vietnam and the Vietcong, who were against the government forces of the Cambodia, with the support of the America and South Vietnam. By May of 1965 about 10,000 Air force personnel were serving in Vietnam.

The three years that Steve was in Vietnam, he participated in many campaigns and operations. He was an expert pilot. His crew was the best. The other twelve airplanes and their crews that were under his control, were the best!

When he left Vietnam in 1968 to come home, he was a wounded worrier both physically and emotionally. He had seen things that no normal human being should encounter! The first sustained bombing campaign against North Vietnam that he had participated, was the Operation Rolling Thunder which had begun on March of 1965, shortly after he had left home to go to Vietnam. It had lasted all the way through 1968. By then, when 1968 came to close, 58,000 airmen served in Vietnam.

His bravery and courage in this Operation gained him the rank of major. He received many medals for his valor and heroism. President Nixon pinned the purple heart medal on him. Helen refused to go to the White House for that ceremony.

Steve decided to retire from Air force. He was only twenty seven years old. He had so many job offers from different airlines. Luckily his wounds from war were not that serious to prevent him to get a job as a pilot. He Chose Pan Am as his employer under the condition to fly their route to Western Europe. He would began working only after a few months of rest and healing. He had gotten his wounds when he had crash landed his airplane in the jungles of Vietnam. That was why he got a purple heart. No one in his plane was seriously wounded. In fact his bravery in these act had saved many lives! He had been able to fly his broken plane out of enemy's approximate nearness to safety.

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Seven- Going Rogue ✖ ✖

"So where's your wedding band? Do you always take it out when you go out without her?!"

"Oh, come on, Helen! Stop it! She took hers out because she her fingers were so swollen. So we decided that I take it out, too; and we wear them on a chain around our neck until she'll have the baby and swelling goes away and then we both put our wedding band on again!"

"Oh, how romantic!" Helen's face wreathed in a phony smile; but in fact she was very jealous at that point. Then she continued:

"Do you love her?" She was serious now!

It took Jacob a long time to answer. When he did, he cocked his head, knowing that something very revealing had happened tonight.

"I knew Mr. Holland wanted me to marry his daughter; but we were almost raised like sister and brother. At the time that I married her was to please her father; to thank him for everything he did for me. I love her but more like a very good friend or a sister! She really is a good wife. I know she loves me like a man not a brother!"

Helen began laughing really loud and then said earnestly:

"So we both made a mess out of our lives!"

"How so? You have a master degree, you will teach soon, something you always wanted. I've gotten free education; I'm a lawyer; I have a good job and a good..."

"Come on Jacob! You know what I'm talking about! We got what we wanted from life for two kids who ran away from home with no money. But now I don't need money. I realized tonight that I have needed you for so many years and I know that is how you feel, too! I don't understand why we both prospered only to be so unhappy and friendless!" At this moment, again her tears were flowing down her face!

Jacob contained his frustration. He wished that he had never come to the party this night! In fact it was Melisa's idea: " Go honey, go with other lawyers. Have fun!"

Helen was thinking to herself: "Oh, my God, how far am I from my childhood, and how far do I still must go? ! This huge abyss of memory from childhood till now is nothing but wretchedness!" She turned to Jacob, brought her hands to his face and held on to it with both her hands.

"Steve is coming in a couple of weeks. Your Melisa is at her parents. Come, let's go to my apartment!"

Jacob stood up automatically. They had missed the arrival of the New Year of 1967. They had not heard the screaming, the howling, the music, and ... of people when the new year came. Their last drink stayed untouched on their short cocktail table.

Jacob put his jacket on. At the door, Helen gave her ticket to get her coat. They left Jacob's car in the parking of the hotel; and drove Helen's car to her apartment.

~*

Two weeks later Steve came for his second leave from Air force!!

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Seven- Going Rogue ✔ ✙ ✭ ✪ ✮ ✐

"Well, now you've found me. Now we're together! Nothing is changed! Don't worry about my marriage! It won't last. As I just said I feel sorry for Steve!" She spoke as she thought.

Their waiter brought them more drink. Helen now had switched to wine. The waiter announced the dinner was being served in a buffet style. Jacob gave a hundred dollar bill to the smiling waiter and said:

"What if you bring our dinner here for us. Just pick up what ever you like yourself. It'll be okay for us!"

The dinner that they had already paid for it in the package that they had bought cost them a lot more only because they did not want to move. So they ate their dinner at their short cocktail table, sitting on the love seat. Helen's friend from college that had invited her to this party, thought that she was gone home. She was no where to be found. Many people were dancing but not the two friends.

"Now you know everything about me, things that I don't dare to say to anyone. It's your turn now! It seems to me that you've done good for yourself!"

Luck had come to him shortly after the sudden disappearance of Helen. The manager of Safe Way had an uncle, who was in the store one day. For no reason known to Jacob, he took a liking to him. He took Jacob under his wing. He was a famous personal injury lawyer, having his own law firm with one hundred ten lawyers working for him. The first time he saw Jacob in Safe Way, he told him:

"If you want to make money, you must become a personal injury lawyer! Only God and he knew why he took a liking to Jacob and took him under his care! He even gave him room and board at his beautiful five acre house out of country. Soon Jacob got used to be part of his family. Andrew Holland and his wife treated him like their own children. They had a son, twenty five years old and a daughter, same age as Jacob, just a little older. Their son had left home three years before Jacob moved in with them. Their son, Andrew the junior, which they called him Drew, was a point of pain and shame for them. Mr. Holland told Jacob one day. He was a complete disappointment for his mother and father. He had left school, never even finished high school, was mixed with wrong crowd. The last news they had from him was that he was in prison for dealing hard drugs. Mr. Holland against his wife's entreaty told his family: "I have no son!" Then he turned to his wife: "You better forget about him, too. He is dead for me!" He truly was ashamed of his son, and did not want any of his associate even to know about these things. To families and friends he said: "He is gone to America for his study!" He kept his word against his wife's nervous breakdown and swoon!

But their daughter, Melisa, was an ideal girl. Jacob began going to the same school she went. They graduated at the same year. Mr. Holland recommend that Jacob should go to the law school!

"I didn't want to take advantage of their generosity toward me. I said no; but he insisted. He said that he would pay for my college!"

Helen was all ears. How easier life had been for him than hers.

"Melisa went to SMU and got an English degree. She wanted to become a teacher!'

"How strange! That is what I wanted to become a teacher! So what did you do?" Helen quizzed him.

" I also went to SMU. It was not my idea. Mr. Holland insisted. He said that SMU has the best law program and is one of the best in the nation!"

"You went to SMU!?" Helen sighed with a complete bewilderment!

"Yes, I did. I've just recently finished. I'm waiting for the result of my Bar Exam."

"How wonderful! Oh, my, I am so happy for you! So what was the price? Don't tell me that Mr. Holland asked you to marry Melisa, his daughter?" Helen had a wreathed smile on her face. Her tone of voice was derisive!

Jacob looked in the space without blinking. He removed his hand from hers. Helen could read an exasperation his face!

"So, did you marry Melisa?" She was pale and gloomy!

"Yes, I did!"

"So where is she tonight? Where is your wedding band? How come you're alone tonight?"

Helen continued her baleful tone of voice and her bombardment of questioning! She was all shaken up!

"She is not here tonight because..." He stopped. His voice trembled with emotion!

"Go on; spill it out!"

"She's expecting! any day now. Not more than a week. We were invited tonight by the law firm, Mr. Holland's law firm, where I work now. She told me that it was okay for me to go without her. Besides we're staying at her parents these days because of her condition!" Jacob was pale and gloomy!!

To Be Continued

Judas KISS- Seven- Going Rogue ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔

Helen laughed loud and looked at the young, handsome waiter, wearing a black tuxedo trousers, white starched shirt, with black bow tie, and black tuxedo vest.

"Another martini for me!" Her eyes smiling after the cry which had made her makeup to run on her cheeks. Jacob used a napkin and wiped her smudged face from her makeup after her crying! The waiter looked at them and smiled!

"For me double vodka and a seven up! Please don't mix them. Just bring me a glass of ice." Jacob ordered his drink.

The waiter finally left them. They sat next to each other; their bodies almost touching. So far everything went smoothly and beautifully. Helen had not felt this good for a long, long time! Jacob held her hand in his and unconsciously began playing with her wedding band. A few minutes passed in silent. She knew what he was thinking! Suddenly as if he was shocked by some unseemly jolt, like when people would stop to watch an accident, which he called it, morbid fascination, he pulled his hand from hers!

"You're married!?" He inquired almost timidly!

"Oh, that, it's nothing! So what if I am married? I don't know why I did it! I guess I was bored!" She responded with a derisive laughter and somewhat astonishment; yet what she was saying was the truth. Her marriage to her was nothing!

They talked for hours. Helen told him everything that had happened to her since the last she had seen him. He already knew her life up to age sixteen. Now he knew the rest of it. He was the only one that now knew about all of Helen's life, even the murder of poor, old Mark! Even Steve, her husband did not know about Roger or her father molesting her, or the money in the small, black bag!

"You know Steve is coming home in a couple of weeks for his annual leave." She was not sure why she said her husband's name, Steve, with some kind of emphasis on S to Jacob! Her tone of voice was incredulous.

"Does it mean that we can't see each other anymore when he comes?" Jacob's face wreathed in a phony smile.

"Of course we can. I don't love him. I feel sorry for him. I didn't know who I loved, who I cared for, but I know it now. I find it out tonight! It is you Jacob! I know you wanted me when we ran away from Chicago! But then we both were kids. I was running from a home that for eight years my father molested me. I didn't know anything about the real love then! I was so cruel! I hated men!"

He waved his hands in protest while being shocked of her openness!

"You're still cruel! How can you marry a man with free will and then say that you don't love him? How can you say that? We haven't seen each other for eight years. Even then when we only ran away with each other, you never showed any interest towards me! I really wanted you then! I was crazy for you; but you never gave me any hint; and then you disappeared without saying goodbye! I looked for you a long time and finally gave up!" His voice was getting animated as he continued with his complaining!!

To Be Continued

Judas KISS- Seven- Going Rogue ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

All of a sudden Jacob stood up. He took the glass of

martini fromz Helen's hand and put it on the table, as if he knew her agony. Then he hugged her; both his arms around her neck, kissing her on her head, shoulder, face, cheeks, everywhere but her lips; and saying unfathomable things! She could not hear him because of so much noise; however tears flowing down her cheek! People in the entire hotel lobby, where they were gathered to celebrate the New Year Eve's party of 1967, all stood up and began clapping, screaming, so much so that music stopped. Finally when the excitement of people subsided and the place took its former, usual, boring aura, Helen heard Jacob while she was still in his arms:

"Oh, my God, It is you Helen! Where have you been?"

"I was about to leave! You finally recognized me!"

At this point, she also wrapped her arms around him. Jacob's companions were all astonished; they were all envious! Who was this woman?

"Oh, my God, what have you done to your hair? I like it though!" He laughed, his eyes laughed. He turned to his friends:

"This is Helen, a very old friend from my home town!"

His friends all stood up and shook hand with her. After all these ceremonial greeting ended, Jacob said:

"Won't you sit with us?"

She suddenly felt tormented and oppressed! However she tried to hide her feeling of disappointment with a derisive smile!

"Don't you want to sit with me? We have a lot to catch up for all these years we haven't seen each other! I think your friends will be bored with us!"

Jacob's friend all laughed at cleverness of this beautiful woman and said:

"Go, Go Jacob with your friend. She wants to talk to you not to us!"

Jacob picked up his tuxedo jacket and put it on. As they were walking away, Helen stopped and turned around and went back to the table. She picked up her martini from the table, gave an expansive smile to Jacob's friend!

"They charge too much for a drink!" She said and walked back towards Jacob, who was looking at her with astonishment. She had a hard time to handle her long dress, high heels, her glass of martini. Jacob noticed all of these. He took her martini from her hand. She held on to his arm.

They walked to a dark corner seat underneath the stairs. It was not very far from bar. A waiter, who had witnessed all that happened, caught up with them:

"I saw what happened. My manger said your first drink is free. I'll be your waiter!"

Helen and Jacob looked at each other and laughed.

"Which table do you like" I assume that table in the corner!" The waiter said.

That was what exactly what Helen had in mind.

"Yes, How did you know?"

The waiter knew that he would have a hefty tip from these two that night. He walked ahead of them to clean the table.

They followed him. The seat was a leather love seat with a short round, cocktail table in front of it. There was a bowl of nuts on the table. The waiter delayed his cleaning the table that was not dirty at all!

"What would you like to drink? I told you your first drink is on the house!!"

To Be Continued

Judas KISS- Seven- Going Rogue ☁ ☁ ☁

Gingerly walking, with her black, sexy dress, her shoulder length dark hair, grayish blue eyes, with the glass of martini in her hand, trying to hold on to her little jeweled purse which was hanging from her shoulder with its gold chain; her dress kept catching under the heel of her shoes, turned all eyes, men or woman, on her! However every man with or without a woman by his side was mesmerized by this beautiful, sexy, tall, and mysterious woman except Jacob. His back was to her. His tuxedo Jacket was hanging on the back of his chair. He wondered why his friends were not paying attention to him and they all were looking to the other direction!

People who knew Helen before, they did not know her now! Was she the same blond girl, who always wore her hair in a pony tail, who always had sneakers on, who always wore jeans and a sweater or a tee shirt if it was warm? This night, she was the best dressed woman if they would put it for vote! Her short, dark hair, her grayish blue eyes, her sexy dress, which was not very open, yet revealing, and the way she walked, attracted both men and women. No one knew that she walked that way because she was afraid to fall. Every woman envied her, every men wanted her; but she wanted Jacob!

When she was finally at Jacob's table, she touched his shoulder. He was the only one that had not noticed her. He was deep in a conversation with his friends about something that they were not listening. They were all surprised that she had come to their table and had touched Jacob's shoulder!

He turned around from the touch. He was puzzled! "Who is she? What a beautiful woman? I know her, but I don't remember!" Helen could read his thoughts. Jacob's friends were all looking at them; at the startled look of Jacob and playful smile of Helen! Finally she said:

"You know me! That is what you're thinking now!"

Jacob shook his head! "You're right! I know that I know you, but ..."

He became silent and prolonged his look at her, still perplexed!

"You haven't changed, Jacob! I recognized you right away!" Then she added with a visible sadness:

"Think, you'll remember. I walk away if you don't!"

The great gulf of memory from her girlhood, the travel she had had with him from Chicago to Dallas, the days of sleeping in shelter, and working at the same grocery store, all crowded down on her. Now that she was standing there, feeling uncomfortable with all eyes on her, desiring this man from past, an utter stranger at the moment, she felt that she had no identity! She felt distressed with her high heels, a glass of martini in her hand, her long dress so tight at waist that she could not breathe, and so long that the bottom of it had torn catching under her heels! She decided that she was going to leave and go home. She thought that coming to the party and coming to this table were both mistakes!!

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Seven- Going Rogue ✤ ✤

After all the years being married, Helen recalled the day she had asked Steve for a divorce one last time! She was forty four and Steve was forty five then. That was twenty four years ago! She was shocked to hear that he said yes this time!

"No fight, whatever you want you can take!" He had said.

She wondered why he had to say 'whatever you want'!? Wasn't everything they owned belonged to both of them? She had worked, too; if not outside of the home, since he did not allow it, she had worked even harder to keep everything in order and raise the children. She had used her own money in the little black bag. The bag was almost about half of what it had been at the beginning. She finally had a figure now. That money was over a million dollars. He was very uptight and stingy with the money he earned from piloting! He wanted Helen to give her a list of every penny that she spent. She had no choice but to go to her black bag. Children always needed things, her car sometimes needed repair, she needed clothes, and they were always giving big parties! He never gave her more money for any of these extras; so she had no choice but to take money from the little black bag. Besides, she also taught some at the same community college that she had taught three semesters. Every time that one of their teacher was sick or on maternity leave, they called her. But all these were besides the point; when Steve gave a positive answer to her final entreaty for divorce, something beyond imagination happened which delayed the divorce again. Helen thought that God was punishing her for something that she did not know what it was.

As she was conjuring up her past while driving to her boss's home, she almost had an accident. She opened the window, turned off the air condition of the car; and lit up a cigarette. She never used the ashtray of her car. Nowadays, it did not matter, since most cars did not have ashtrays. But this was a habit of her even when cars had ashtrays. She remembered even in old days with old cars, she had never used ashtrays and always had her left hand out of the car and let the ash of her cigarette flew away, only for claiming that she never smoked in her car! She did not want Steve to know it; even though they both were smokers! He did not like her to smoke in the house or in the car, yet he often smoked in his car! Steve thought that she was a woman that did anything she wanted without any fear of him or respect for him! She knew as tough as she appeared to be, She had always feared Steve!

☁

It was suddenly the original nature of Jacob which came face to face with her at the New Years Eve's party! She was there practically to celebrate the end of her college, finding a teaching job, and just being out for once before Steve would come home in a couple of weeks for his second leave. Helen could not stop her smile of seeing Jacob after all these years. She remembered how indifferent she was towards him when they both were sixteen years old and had taken the long ride in the bus from Chicago to Dallas! And later for just a few months that they had lived in the shelter and worked in the same place, how arrogant she was towards him! But now every cover was taken and stripped from her with his presence! Just he being there brought an undeniable happiness to her! the elation shone in her eyes. With his simplicity, she saw the nakedness of his soul without even talking to him. She discerned more clearly than ever the man she truly could love; something she was not aware of it till now!

She walked to the table that Jacob was sitting with three other men. There were no women with them. She was drinking a martini. The chiffon part of her dress kept catching under the tall heels of her shoes. She was not used to wearing high heels since she had run away from Roger's home. Even those days sometimes she took her shoes out until Roger saw it and had ordered her to put them back on. As complicated as everyone believed her to be, she was a very simple woman. It took her a while to walk to Jacob's table with her long dress, high heels, a glass of martini in her hand, and a jeweled small purse with long gold chain hanging from her shoulder.

To Be Continued