Jacob even went to church by himself. He was there to confess; something he had not done for many years. He felt that there was an extra retribution in blaming oneself. When we chided ourselves, the act of self condemnation would make us feel good, feel less guilty! When we do that to
ourselves, no one could have the right to blame us anymore. But then after confession to the priest, it was the confession not the priest that gave him the absolution!
His problem with his wife continued. fall came and Helen began her teaching career. He could not use her lunch hour to see her anymore; besides Steve was coming home in January or February of 1968 to retire. He wrote in a letter to Helen that if he stayed any longer, he would lose his mind and become insane. Helen and Jacob, both had made a chaos of everything !
They arranged to see each other on the days that Helen got off work early. He began taking off from work on odd hours. Almost everybody at work was suspicious and almost everybody was amazed that Mr. Holland tolerated all these the way he did!
Every time they saw each other, Helen wanted to tell him:
"Go home, go to your wife and child!" But each time she stopped. She knew about his marital problems, about his father- in- law's suspicion.
It was in October of 1967, when she had a follow up with her doctor for her constant headaches, that the doctor told her that she was pregnant!
"I wonder how you haven't noticed it yourself. You're about eight weeks. I thought your husband is still in Vietnam!!"
Helen thought for a moment. Just that little speech of the doctor had ruined her life!
"Yes, he is still in Vietnam!"
"Wow, what are you going to do?" The doctor was honest in his concern.
"Nothing!"
"You mean you won't have an abortion?! I know a doctor who does it! What are you going to do about your husband?" He suggested.
"I don't believe in abortion. It is murder. You know I'm catholic. No I keep the baby!'
That evening, she started a fight with Jacob and no matter how hard he tried to know the reason of this phony fight, she kept on arguing for things that made no sense. She did all this to break up with Jacob; to let him go, to save him; while she, herself, was in a lot of troubles. She did not take no for an answer.
"Go home to your family! We both have made a big mess with our lives!"
She sent him home to his wife and son. She never told him that she was pregnant. She turned off her telephone the same day.
In less than a week, she changed her apartment finally, something that her husband wanted since the beginning of their marriage. But she did it not to please Steve, she did it so Jacob could not find her. She got an unlisted telephone!!
To Be Continued
No comments:
Post a Comment