Anna had a blue jean and a tee shirt on. Her hair that usually was in a pony tail, now was hanging down on her shoulder. It was obvious that she had cried since her eyes were red. Steve had a khaki pants and a long sleeve brown shirt on. He was innately handsome. Before leaving he looked at Anna and simply in a protective way said: "Do you want to bring a sweater with you?"
Anna responded quickly without thinking: "I am a big girl. I don't need a sweater."
Stacy shuddered: "Why can she be a little more thoughtful?" She said in her speaking mind.
They left. It was dark, but the vivacious April evening presented a light that pushed away the darkness. Then it was this breeze, the soothing and animated breeze that enveloped their bodies with an immutable relaxation that especially Anna did not know it for sometimes. They walked side by side in the campus in silence while each searching for right words to begin a talk. Steve took his cigarette out of his shirt pocket. She was looking at him. He took one out and was about to light it.
"Can I have one, too, please." She said daringly.
"I didn't know you smoke?"
"You smoke, don't you?" She said indignantly.
"I didn't say you can't smoke. I said I didn't know you smoke."He tried to defend himself in wistfulness since everything with Anna, seemed to him was a struggle.
"I smoke occasionally. I started when Stacy was on vacation over Spring break. Do you want to know why I started? Is there anything else you want to know?" She could not believe her rudeness. In fact, she was very disappointed at herself of being so harsh and offensive; but somehow she could not help it. She wanted to continue that behavior. Perhaps, deep inside she wanted to run him away and to escape from that challenge rather than facing it.
"I want to take you to the place that I bought my first pack of cigarette."She said and then started walking fast and got ahead of him. He followed her without saying a word. Soon they were out of the campus. There, she stopped and turned to face him, who was behind her.
"You see that cafe?" She pointed to Joe's cafe. "Let's go in."
Steve followed her into the cafe. They sat at the table by the window, where on her first night there, the young couple, who were arguing seated. The waiter came. He was not the same man that she knew.
"What do you like to drink?"
Steve looked at Anna perplexed; but she without considering his gaze, raised her head. "Coffee for me please."
"Two please." Steve said.
She could feel his impatience for knowing the story of that cafe.
"I have insomnia." She started. "When Stacy was at your parents' on Spring break, I developed this habit of walking at nights. The first night, I found this place. First I was reluctant to go in. I had never done it before, but I did it anyway." She stopped talking as though she was reading from a book and there was nothing else to be read. Steve looked confused.
"Weren't you afraid to walk alone at night?" His voice slowly was drifted from curiosity to compassion.
"Why would I be afraid? Here is very secure and safe. Besides what would you do if you can't sleep?"
"I don't know; maybe read or watch television. I really am not sure. I don't have that problem."
"Well, I did all those. I also tossed and turned, got up, and thought. I made decision about my life in all those insomniac nights. However, Stacy wasn't home. I felt like doing something different. In fact, I was reading this novel that the hero of it, a woman who couldn't sleep either. In the book, she started walking at midnight, and in her nightly walks she discovered the reason for her insomnia. I decided to do what she did." Anna was ebullient. She had forgotten that only a short while ago, she wanted to tear the world apart and hurt Steve.
"So, did you find out the reason for your insomnia?" Steve's voice was intimate.
"No, I am not sure. I guess it is my confusion for a big decision I am about to make; no, I've already made."
"What is that big decision?" He already knew the answer; but vaguely he was hoping for a different response.
"I am going back to Iran right after my graduation. I have to duel very hard in my own feelings and thoughts to make that decision.; but I believe that I've made the right one."
He went white. His heart began pounding. He gasped for breath. He suddenly realized that he was in love with her; and when when finally he was able to talk, he said: "That is a shame. I wish you stay here and continue your higher education."
"Why?"
He stayed quiet.
"I have nothing else here to do. My education is enough to serve the people of my country. My whole life is there; my identity, my parents, my brother..." She could not continue.
He stayed silent. He did not find anything proper to answer her real emotion. On the other hand, suddenly he realized the deep feeling he had for her. He did not want to lose her. His sister was right. He needed to settle down. Nobody was more special to him than Anna, he strangely found out at the moment of perhaps no return. The wonderful word, "special" that Anna wanted to hear from him and to be for him, now was in his mind. She still did not know about it.
Without asking, Anna took a cigarette from his pack, and Steve lit it for her. She realized his struggle for stopping her of the dreadful decision that she had made; but she also knew that he was not a man of begging. His pride and ego was as big as hers. As she was gazing through the window into the dark of the street and smoking, he stretched his hand to touch hers, but remembering the previous, exact occasion, he suddenly pulled his hand away. Anna noticed it. The waiter brought more coffee "on the house", and after he left their table, Steve finally broke his silence:
"One needs to die to be resurrected in his homeland." There was an irony in his voice.
"You maybe right; but I have nothing here. I must go."
"You have friends here, like Stacy, me,..."
"You're right. But I can make new friends." She was impossible with a faded look, disheveled and absence.
Steve's optimism changed to a paranoia. He never liked to give advice; he did not want to deal with other people's problem, but this one was different, it was very close to his heart. He knew in every advice there would be a risk of responsibility which he did not want it; but this one, this particular one...!
"What can I do to make you think more about this rushed decision?"
Anna thought in his speaking mind: "Is this all he can say?"
"You can't do anything. It's my life." She sounded despicable.
"I want to get to know you. I like you, Anna." He forced those words from his mouth.
Anna shivered. "We better go home now. It's late."
"Is that all you can say?" He demanded.
"What do you want me to say?"
"I don't know. Why do you despise me so much?" Steve's voice sounded supplicating.
Anna was bewildered. "Why do you say that? I don't despise you."
"I just feel it. Yes you do."
Anna wanted to say that his feeling was wrong but instead she said: "I want to go home now."
Outside the shadows of trees against the lights of the street clustered over the road. They silently crossed the street and entered the campus through the half open gate. As they were getting close to her apartment, he slid his arm through hers, wishing to subside her gloom. She shivered but did not resist that warmth.
In front porch of her apartment, under the bright light, he looked at her deep, hazel, cloudy eyes, they were filled with tears of her sadness and sensibility. He stood at the doorway, being afraid to extend his hand in case she would not offer hers. Anna recognized his perplexity.
"Will you have dinner with me Saturday night?"
She lingered from one foot to the other while looking for the key in her pocket. "Yes."
He could not believe what he heard. When finally her answer sank in his brain, a faded smile blossomed on his lips, and his sulking face was brightened.
"That's great." Then he extended his hand for a handshake, but Anna gently hugged him. She did not want to lose him for the second time.
To Be Continued
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