Behind the steamy window, Hana gazes into dark, searching unknown, or hoping to find an answer for the hollow life she lives. Analyzing her life, she realizes that she has lost her best friend and mentor, Behroz, she has deprived from her homeland, her soul has slipped our of her body, and she has not known love to a man since Saeid's...
Tehran-
At home, Hana was dried out. There were no more tears to be shed. She thought about Saeid far away constantly. She even thought about Lida, her uncle's love and someone she knew, even further, another country. Their inauspicious loves had made those two people to run away and leave a place that their lives had been full. Saeid had joined army, even though he had done his draft right after finishing high school. That meant he had picked a career that would always be away. He had gotten away from everything he adored. Lida had flown to Canada, other side of the world to recover form a bitter love. The last she heard about Lida, she was going to college and was engaged. In their neighborhood words always got around like dry Summer fire. Before, she had not connected Lida's going to Canada to her uncle. Now she knew. Hana felt guilty being the cause of Saied's disappearance; she could feel Behroz's grief as well.
Among the walls of her closet- like room, she felt stifled. She had no clue of what she should do; or how she could find peace within herself. On the moment of absolute exhaustion, and heat of the summer, she felt cold.
Some days later, Hana's parents insisted on her going to college. They knew that she was not only the smartest among their children but also the most motivated and disciplined one. Perhaps they wanted her to have what they never had enough of it, education. They have high hope for her. They always told each other: "If one of our kids can get college degree, it would be Hana." So her going to college was more like a dream of her parents, and she could not disappoint them. She reluctantly enrolled for the big exam prior entering the university (KONKOR). If she would be accepted, sitting in the classroom might bring her some peace. She took the KONKOR in mid Summer. Frustrated of waiting for the result that always was published in newspapers all over the country, she decided to go to Behroz's home and to participate in their "SECRET SOCIETY".
There, they talked about their usual philosophical discourse. Those three young men, who could not make a decision for their own lives, were trying to save the world. Now she laughed at them, even though at one point she was dying to be included. How foolish of her that then she had wanted so badly to be just like them. As none of them inevitably could decide for their own future, they talked about misfortunes of others and ways to save them. However, her reason for going there was to be near Behroz so if he had a letter from Saeid she would know it right away. In fact, she even did not know if Behroz had written to Saeid the letter he had promised to her he would write.
A month of full anxiety and waiting passed after revealing her secret to her uncle. As eager as she was to know about the outcome of their conversation, she was also very shy to ask Behroz anything. However one evening after Safa and Mehran left, she stayed and without thinking or lingering, so the shyness would not stop her, courageously she asked Behroz:
"Did you write to Saeid?"
"I did. In fact, today I received his letter. Do you want to read it?"
Hana overwhelmed by excitement and fear, got up from her usual chair, and sat back again, while feeling blood stopped flowing in her veins.
"Do you want to read it or you want me to read it for you?" Behroz asked her.
Hana's supplicant eyes was the answer to his question; therefore, he handed the letter to her. She put it on the desk and moved the chair so her back was to Behroz. Gazing at the discolored walls, she did not dare to look at it. Her cold hand on it felt the warmth of the one who had written it. Tears quickly rushed down her cheeks. Behroz understood her pain and put his hands on her shoulders and gently asked her if she wanted him to leave the room.
"Yes, please. " Her voice was barely audible.
Behroz left the room and closed the door behind him. She picked up the letter and held it next to her heart to feel the agony of Saeid; and then shakily began reading it through the mist of her eyes.
To Be Continued
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