Interrogation is something Hana knows well. For every change of behavior, demeanor, or action she answered her dad, mom, uncle, husband, and children skillfully. She can not hide anything. Ironically one thing she has been able to keep it to herself- her true feeling. She has mastered this art within years because of hurt and betrayal that surrounded her. However she she has not that proficient at age seventeen, as she remembers it now. Her uncle, Behroz, could see that extreme disturbance in her face and conduct. Was it because she was not that expert to hide her feelings then, or was because Behroz and she almost grew up together and they knew each other very well? Now after all these years, it does not matter anymore. She is far from Behroz and even much further from Saeid. A separation that will never connect again. With a grievous heart, she buries her face in dark bosom of bed and conjures up Behroz's room, where interrogation took place.
Tehran-
Behroz paced the room back and froth, back and... After awhile he stopped in the middle of the room staring at Hana, who was drowned in her dire thoughts.
"Do you want to tell me?"
Hana shook by that question. She raised her head and looked at her uncle straight in the eyes.
"Tell you what!"
"Don't play with me. You know what I'm talking about!"
"No, I don't."
"Listen, Hana, I'm not stupid. I've known Saeid since we were kids; and you since you were born. I had my suspicion. tell me what is going on." His voice was becoming harsh which was not his natural way of speaking.
Hana panicked. She was nervous and horrified; and about to burst into tears. A drop of tear fell on her cheek and her eyes glistened. There was a mist before her eyes and words could not find a way to come out.
"Talk to me; I want to help you. I am your friend. You can trust me."
By now Hana let her emotion fill the room. There was no way to stop the unwanted tears. Her cry sounded like a loud roar; and the flood of the tears darkened the room for her. Behroz hugged her, and she put her head on his shoulder wrapping her arms around him, while finding comfort to discharge all those agony to her uncle and best friend.
"Oh, Behroz, I want to die. I hate life."
Behroz patiently let her to let go of all the suppressive feelings from her eyes while holding her for some time. His sympathetic fervor was not only for her but for their lives; and many other young people who lived in that society. When there was no more tears to be shed, he released her and stood back to look at her. Her eyes were red and swollen and her hair was messy. She sat at the edge of the chair, stared into space, as she did not see anything in that absolute bewilderment. Behroz, being worried, called her:
"Hana, are you feeling better now?"
She jumped up from the chair when she heard his gentle voice, as if someone had attacked her.
"Relax, I am safe. You've always trusted me!"
She began crying again, but this time a silent weeping.
"Oh, Behroz, what am I going to do?"
"We work out something. Do you trust me?"
"Yes, you're the only real family I have."
"I feel the same for you!"
"Oh, Behroz, help me. I am going crazy."
"Have you guys done anything?"
"What do you mean?" She knew what he meant, but she was shocked by that question.
"You know what I mean!"
"Oh, my God, Behroz, shame on you; how could you even... I swear..."
"Al right, all right, don't get angry. I had to ask. I believe you. Just tell me how long this was going on?"
"I don't know. I just woke up one day and envisioned my feeling for Saeid; and then I looked at him and I knew he felt the same for me. That is all."
"Did you two see each other secretly, I mean besides here?"
"Just once, the day I got my diploma."
"What happened?
"Nothing. We just walked for hours in silence; and he was angry, very angry. He even frightened me. He said he loved me, and he said our families never accept him; and then we went our separate ways."
"You know Hana, he was right. I don't think our family ever accept him. They've always put his family down. They even wanted me to stop being friend with him, but they couldn't. He is very intelligent man, the type that I like to associate with. I had to fight with Nabi to stay friend with him. Just give me some time. Let me see what I can do."
"No, Behroz, you can't do anything. He's gone and I will never see him again. I feel it."
"Don't be so negative. I go to his parents and ask for his address. Then I write a letter to him."
"What will you write?"
"That, I am not sure. Perhaps I ask him to come back. I tell him that I can help him."
"What kind of help? What can you do?"
"I don't know yet."
"You can't change our parents."
"I know, but I'll try. Meanwhile you don't talk to anyone about this."
"You know I won't."
"I think you better come back to our meeting like before. That will make you feel better; and besides I think the boys are suspicious. Your coming back take the guesswork out of the equation, and besides it makes you feel better. One more thing, I think you need to prepare yourself to take the "KONKOR" as it was your plan before. If you don't do that, again it creates suspicion."
"I don't know. I don't want to." There was a finality in her words.
"That is not acceptable even to me. You are the best student in the entire country; and no matter what happens, you must think about your future. You always wanted to go to university. Nobody says that you have to choose only one of them."
Hana waved her hands as the sign of uncertainty.
"Well, if you changed your mind, You know you can come. I promise it's good for you."
She wiped the reminder of the salty tears from her face and got up from the chair. Her body was bent like an old woman.
"Do you feel better now?"
"I'm not sure... You don't know how I feel!"
"Yes, I do. I know very well how you feel."
"How? You've never been in love!"
Behroz's eyes filled with tears and he sat on bed before striking Hana with his story.
"Yes, I have been in love."
Hana, who was caught by surprise, looked at him vehemently for a moment. She almost forgot her pain.
"Who? How come I didn't know about it?"
"Let's not talk about it."
"I told you mine; you must tell me yours!"
He got up and paced the room for awhile. Then he sat on his narrow bed which was covered by a blue and navy quilted bedspread. He began, almost nonchalantly, as though telling a story.
"Remember Lida?"
"Yes, of course. We went to the same school. She was two grades higher than me. I heard she went to Canada."
"That is right. You know her family are not as old fashioned as ours. We saw each other many times; until one day Nabi caught us by surprise in cinema. I think he had followed us because he is not a type to go to movies."
"What happened?"
"You know him. He practically dragged us out of there and then told Lida her that families are whores, her mother is a whore..."
"I don't believe it. Did uncle Nabi really say say those things?"
"Yes, he did. Lida was hurt so much that she told me if I don't do anything about it, she would never see me again. I tried to mend that horrible act of my brother, but it didn't work. I never saw her again."
"Oh, Behroz, I am so sorry. Did you try to see her?"
Yes, I did, but she didn't want to have anything to do with me. She wrote me a letter saying if I loved her I had to leave my family specially my brother. She said in her letter that she was going to Canada; and if I join her, we would marry there. But how could I? I needed money for getting my passport and visa and airplane ticket and other things; and there was no way I could get it since as you know, Nabi has hold of everything; even my share of money."
Now it was Hana's turn to console her uncle. She walked to him and put her hands around his neck.
"What is wrong with our families? Let's run away."
"Be reasonable, Hana. We can't run away from all these suppressive restrictions. They are fused to our souls. We just have to live and endure it."
"You sound like uncle Nabi."
"I may; but that doesn't make me like him. I fight him and the culture in my own way."
"How, what is your way? Teach me so I can do it, too."
"I don't know. Time will tell."
"I must go home now. Will you let me know?"
"Sure! comb you hair; and wash your face before leaving. You're a mess."
Hana hugged her uncle; and Behroz kissed her on the cheek.
"Let us stay friends, no matter what!"
"We will."
"Thanks," She said before leaving.
"Don't thank me now. I haven't done anything yet."
Dallas-
To Be continued
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