Odyssey... ~{}~24- Ambiguous Soul

Every afternoon when Hana goes to college after work, she has forty minutes of free time before her first class. She likes to sit on a bench under an old, huge tree, where she can smoke and study. That bench is far from where usually other students hang out in the campus. Valery, who knows Hana's secret place, sometimes joins her; and they talk mostly about life, their lives. The feeling of finding a true friend in a land of loneliness is overwhelmingly joyous to Hana; and she regrets that the simplest need of any human being have been robbed from her for so long. The only true friend she has ever had was Behroz, her uncle, whom she was told died in a car accident. The mystery of his death has never been solved for Hana while not for even a second she has believed that accident was the cause of his death.

What joins these two women is not their need for a true friendship but the similarity of their misfortunate relationship with men. The men in their lives have betrayed them while for Hana has been only one man, a mentally sick husband, who died for his outrageous anger and drinking; and for Valery has been a few men. Valery, ten years younger than Hana, works in a doctor's office while goes to college in the evening to improve her skill to get a better job. Hoping for marriage and a decent life, she has had many relations with men which all of them turned out disastrous. However, there is one difference between two friends, Valery has not given up and she still hopes to find her dream man; while Hana does not even think about having another man in her life. Hana loves her solitary life so much that she is not going to jeopardize it for any man; even though sometimes she longs for the warm body and strong shoulder of a man.

Very soon, the two friends become the inseparable part of each other's lives and slowly Hana tells Valery her real life story, the way it was not the way she wanted to be. Valery tells her that she has suspected that true story all along; and when Hana asks her how, she says:

"When you first came to school, your bitterness reminded me of my own pain and I figured out right away that your mourning wasn't for your dead husband but it was for yourself."

Hana is amazed by her friend's true observation while she has always tried to hide her agonizing life from others, specially strangers. She is even more surprised when Valery says:

"Even my cousin noticed that and he told me later that you were very bitter and scared of men."

Hana, perplexed, says:

"Who is your cousin?"

"You met him in my birthday party, Mario."

Suddenly Hana remembers the man, who persistently followed her to the car and wanted to talk to her.

"I didn't know that Mario is your cousin!"

"He is my uncle's son. His wife died of cancer three years ago."

A strange and sudden empathy for Mario trembles Hana and she says:

"I never thought that men can be sensitive like women. He must be very perceptive."

"Oh, yes, he is. He was very concerned and empathetic for you. Every time I see him, he asks about you."

A forgotten feeling arises in Hana and she is overpowered by this peculiar sensation while trying to hide it from her friend by changing the subject.

"You know, Sam left again for his advance training last week. I miss him so much."

"Listen Hana, you're still a young woman. Your husband died three years ago. Your sons will go on and choose their own lives and one day you wake up all alone. You need to have a life, too." Valery's shocking remark shakes Hana.

"I've always been alone. I don't mind it at all. Actually I like it." Hana is not sure what she just said is true or not.

"Why don't you try, just try and if you don't like it, at least you know exactly what you want in your life."

"Try what?" Hana pretends she did not understand Valery.

"You know what I mean. There is nothing wrong to have a male friend, like Mario. He very much likes that. As a matter of fact, he has some friends over this Saturday, and he's asked me to invite you, too."

Hana blushes by a sudden warmth of knowing that she is still a desirable woman.

"I don't know Valery. It seems to me that you guys talk about me all the time. It's been over a year since I met Mario. How come he still talks about me? He can find any woman he wants, why me?"

"Who knows why! people do weird and strange things but when it comes to fairs of hearts, we are all the same. We like what we like and we don't know why. Maybe because he is very much influenced by his Italian mother and he likes foreign women. You know his wife was half Italian, too."

Hana thinks about what her friend says while a different and unknown seed is being planted within her.

To Be Continued