Odyssey... {~} 21- Return

The return Hana had yearned for was full of unjust consequences. She was not surprised by that deep desertion in that darkness, when she had hopelessly tried to prove her non existent character by her activities. An unfathomable enthusiasm had given her an impetuosity in which she had found the courage to speak loud, and act brave. Now the result of her action was greater than her ability. Yes, this return was not pleasant after all. She had returned to a strange home, among unfamiliar people; and she felt as though every body looked at her as an enemy; an enemy no one could get rid of and everyone had to endure. She was that enemy. A few months later she wrote a poem about that sad return:

"The long journey I took,

Puzzled me for the meaning of return.

Like wondering for the message behind a painting or a book

When we are what we want to see or learn.

~

In my return, I was in cheer.

I was also filled with horror and pain.

The light was pure, yet cruel and near.

Trying madly to open the doors and remain."

~

While Gol's health was worsened, Sara faced more frequent attacks; and the medicine she needed could not be found in the capital of that ancient country, Hana felt hopeless ad helpless to do anything. That was not a surprise since the new regime had closed most doors to civilization and treaty with other countries. To those backward people, West was corrupt and any commerce with them was against Allah's will. Hamid was doing what he knew best, nothing and using others; while Hana suffered lack of money. She soon began sewing at home to help family's finance and combined with her mother's survival benefit, she barely was able to make it. After consulting with uncle Nabi and her grandparents, she decided to bring mother home from hospital since they really could not do much for her there anymore. She refused the Iranian style Nursing Home. She was home and she could take care of her mom. Between her own guilt and the existing situation, she felt distressed and puzzled. While missing school and teaching, she knew her action had been vain and futile.

Taking care of mother was not an easy thing. In her insanity, Gol had gained so much physical power that sometimes two strong men were needed to stop her of wrong doing. Most of the time grandma would come to help Hana in watching Gol. In one occasion, when Hana was answering the telephone, Gol climbed the stairs; and only a minute of Hana's neglect Caused her to fall. Gol broke her hip. It took a long time for her hip to heal; and she never was able to walk straight again. As much as Hana wanted to visit her sister, Sara, and her little girl, she knew that Hasan, her husband, would not allow it. Sara was not in hospital anymore. Her mother- in- law had moved with them to take care of her and her daughter. Mina, Hana's youngest sister, told her of Sara's situation.

Every night after Hamid's sick assault, Hana came to the first floor and slept in her mother's room. Her insomnia was aggrandized by the impact of obligation, misery, and above all guilt. When one Friday morning, late September, seven months after her return, Hana found her mother dead on her bed, she never knew what time her mother had taken her last breath, even though in the same room, she had been awake, hallucinating all night. As she had missed to hold her father's hand when he had passed away, she missed the exact time of her mother's passing too, while being awake and in a same room.

Her return was doleful.

To Be Continued