Odyssey... ~~23- Deprived Memories

Hana Understands her son's solitary mind, for she was just like him. The pain is great, but this is not a grief of not knowing, but it is a vigorous understanding of a bitter reality that she, too had put her parents through what she is facing now. As she did not understand her parents' then, she can not possibly expect her son to discern her suffering and anguish now.

This conversation reminds her of a day, to be exact, a year and half ago, after Hamid's death, when Farhad told her:

"Mom, I don't want to go to college anymore. School is not for me. It's waste of money for you."

Hana's desperate argument did not change Farhad's viewpoint.

"I want to get a job."

"But you're very smart. It's a shame that you don't like school." She despondently said.

"You have all these education, look at you; you're altering people's dirty clothes."

Hana, hurt so much of something that she has already known it herself but did not expect it from her son, said:

"I have to support you , don't I? What can I do? I don't have the time and money to get a license for teaching. Besides this way I am making more money. I have to do something to bring money in."

"You were a teacher. Why can't you teach here?"

"I need my papers, my transcripts. They're all in Iran. I am a fugitive in the eye of Iranian Government. They're not going to release them. Do you understand?" She was deeply upset by her son's comment.

So Farhad quited the college and did not think about going back.

~

When Sam leaves in August to Forth Hood, near Kileen, Hana is lost in loss. She can not even go with her son to see what all these about because Sam wants to go alone. Her hands are tied and her feelings are in a way as though she has lost him for ever. She sobs for hours. Her purpose of living becomes the lowest at all times while her exasperated depression rises to the highest. Nevertheless, as time has always heels most wounds, she, too, slowly and gradually gets used to not having Sam at home. The days she expects his call; however, enhances her self esteem. As weeks go by, she can recognize a visible difference in Sam's demeanor which is even perceivable on the phone. Hana is not sure if she like this new man, her son. She wonders what happened to her baby, who used to fall asleep, using her legs as a pillow even up to age seventeen. She senses his strange, unfamiliar withdrawal which makes her to scold herself of perhaps she had done something wrong. His aloof silence becomes greater, while Hana sees in front of her eyes how uncommunicative they have grown in less than two months. But none of these despondent feelings stop her of the rapturous visit they will have after the end of his eight weeks basic training.

To Be Continued