Secrets-{~} Chapter Six

"In Dallas my horizon didn't expand in all directions as I was expecting. The six months help from my mother that she had promised me, stopped at the first month. I began working in a fast food restaurant, but money was so little that I couldn't go to school and live, too; even with he scholarship I had. Then I began working in a bar, then in a restaurant again, and many other jobs. I enrolled in the same university that Jacob worked. I worked countless hours till midnight, but my goal was so imperative that neither my studying nor my long hours of working could stop me, or slow me down.

"I had a plan and I thought if I would enroll in one of his classes, my emotion might interfere with my plan. So I stood aside, away from his classes. But from far, I studied him, I asked question about him. Everything that I heard about him was positive. All students liked him. He was a likable person in students' eyes. Then I heard that he was also a writer. I bought his books and read them over and over. I tried to know his emotions about me between the lines of his novels.

"The intense work, studying, and learning about Jacob placed a heavy infliction on my mental and physical system that soon I realized that if I would not give myself a break, I would break down. I did, however, gave myself a little break. With he help of scholarship and grant and a job in the library of the university. I quit all the other jobs. Now my mission was getting my degree and revenge.

"My personal world expanded at the same rate as of my emotional world, as I found myself circled by young men, for they found me attractive, and young women, for they found me smart. I became active in many things, but my real reason was still a way to find out about Jacob's personal life. You may ask how so! Well I thought if I attend university's activity, I might find someone who is close to Jacob, and by exploiting that person I could get close to the heart of Jacob's home. I found that person. He was Tim.

"It seemed to me that they were good friends. I saw then having lunch together, walking together, and spending time in each other's office for hours. I thought about a way to get close to Tim. I began a serious inquiry about Tim. One of the primary thing that everyone told me about him that he had this reputation of being a womanizer. I felt if I needed to use my body to get close to Tim, I would. It didn't matter anymore.

"For the next semester, I enrolled in one of Tim's classes. After a week I went to his office for advice. His classes was always full of discussion, positive analysis. Over all I must submit that he is a very good teacher.

"But in his office things were different. That room was quiet, so very hushed. He was writing something when I entered. He took off his glasses and looked up to me. I noticed a glow in his eyes. He asked me what I wanted. I told him that I was one of his student and I needed advice. Two hours later I was still in his office. He told me that I was an interesting person to talk to. I told him about my life story and about my move to Dallas; but I left out the part about Jacob. He said that he knew a professor from Pennsylvania. In just that short period that I was in his office, I learned so much from him, not only about life but also about the university and other professors.

"When finally I stood up to leave his office, he suddenly asked me what was my real reason for going to his office! I realized that I had not asked him any question about that course. I was caught. He was too smart for me. He knew that I did not need any advice and my visit to his office had nothing to do with the course I was taking. He knew that I had a different motive. I didn't know what to say. He saw my ambiguity. Suddenly he surprised me by saying: 'Why don't you have dinner with me tonight, and then we talk about your real reason.' I said yes.

To Be continued