The disruptive commotion continues among mother and sons and clandestinely Lila, Hana's other-half. While Hana is torn between making the right decision, as her sons suggested, Lila had promised to them, and her mind has complied with it, or remaining in the sick condition to stay Hamid's mother, as if she has three sons. She had promised herself the day she married him to love him and to take care of him. But the relationship has not improved by her unconditional effort to take care of her sick husband after twenty one years of marriage. Every morning, before she goes to work, she stands by the bed and looks at Hamid. who is sound asleep. She remembers the young, vagrant, so much in need for love, handsome, slim, with light brown hair which shone in sun like gold, who visited her every day, rained her with love, and threatened to kill himself is she would not marry him. Now he is a body filled with hatred and fat, no feeling, all gray hair, fifty pounds heavier, and outrageously mean and abusive, who does not care for anyone but himself; and acts only on his unethical vice and lust. Nevertheless, standing there and staring at a man, once acted like her child, who seems so degenerated, yet so much in need, who breathes heavily through his mouth with all the poisonous food and alcohol he has consumed a few hours earlier, gives her a blast of chill that she must leave the room immediately before kissing and hugging this unworthy son.
Contrary to her morbid inclination for Hamid, her ardor for her sons is pure and impeccable. She, who has learned motherhood from her overprotective, always worried, and impassioned mother, who lost her sanity and sense of being for the unfortunate lives of her children, feels strong love for her innocent sons and has always tried to protect them from any trauma and harm. Introspecting deeply her conscience, she realizes a significant difference between these two overwhelming feelings. One has vigorously constrained her to feel guilty and sinful for a long time and for many doomed calamities, such as Saeid's desperate suicide, or not saying a loving word to her father before his death, and being partially responsible for her mother's insanity; and the other has vehemently fulfilled her with a fervid enthusiasm and passion to neutralize the unnatural hideousness.
The days that follow her son's ultimatum are spent to discover her conscience, that mysterious informer which she has reason to believe nothing can be hidden from it. While Hana's unfathomable behavior has puzzled even herself for so long, she knows the secret detective in her feeble cognizance is aware of every step she takes. She may be able to fool herself; or comes up with excuses to her sons; but she can not deceive her observant awareness. Her decision not only will be a turning point for her and a monstrous or pleasing deed for her sons, but also will reinforce or weaken her inconceivable consciousness. Hallucinating in her confused mind, she travels back into the time when she gave birth to Farhad against the sad situation of her life style and against the advice of every sane and wise member of her family that cautioned her not to get pregnant.
Tehran-
Pregnancy was an unknown, mysterious experience for Hana. She watched her body changed, her clothes got tight, her mood , appetite, and her whole entity became something so foreign to her that the puzzlement was much greater than anything else. Morning sickness, lost of appetite, and the unbearable lower back pain did not stop her of normal activities. During this time Hamid began a job that one of Hana's relative had found for him; however, he lost the job one month later blaming his boss. Many other jobs different people found for him, ended the same way. Very soon, Hana realized while other Iranian women had the luxury of staying home and being supported by their husbands, she had to continue working hard fending for all in the house. Sometimes, when looking at her naked stomach, which was blown like a balloon, she felt a remorseful torment for bringing a baby to this world; nonetheless, when she could feel the movement or the kick of that living thing inside her womb, an overwhelming ecstasy enraptured her. It was an indescribable thing she had never read in any book or was told by her insane mother. She loved to share those thrills with Hamid, but all he cared for was her support.
To Be continued
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