In the process of misfortunate disappearance of Van for the last nine months, Hana and Hamid saw each other in many occasions, which were mostly for their own reasons rather than mysterious vanishing of Van. Her mother knew of some of these meetings; and she contributed them to Van's case. However, Gol did not not know all of them.
Hana's spending money on him did not bother her but gave her a sense of protective superiority she had learned after her father's death. What she never thought about or perhaps did not want to know was why Hamid always forgot to bring money with him! Since she never dared to talk about her very special feelings to Hamid to anyone in her family, so they could guide her, she did not know how that evil young man was using her in many ways. Since dating and seeing the opposite sex was prohibited in their culture, all these visits she had with him was secretive. If she lived in a culture that she could date, perhaps she could talk about his strange behavior to someone and she would get some advice; But that was not her case.
The very first touch happened in a day that they were walking in a alley close to her house. The cold autumn weather had turned nature into a color that needed an artist to paint that breath taking beauty. The breakage of the dry leaves beneath their shoes sounded like a romantic music that had been composed only for lovers. The ambiance was so moving in her eyes that she sighed and tears filled her eyes. That moment was hers. Since the death of her father and the vanishing of Van she had not had any moment like this for herself. He, who was looking at her, held both of her hands in his and gently brought her to a stop. He squeezed her hand with so much gentleness that she attribute it to his gentlemanly way. The sensation of that contact for an ever untouched twenty years old woman was thrilling and very new. It was not like the empathy she had felt for Saeid three years before; but it was something indescribable. In the dusk of that shadowy alley, where very little of dying sun were forced through the autumn trees, Hana's knees bent of a sudden shock. He held her. Then it was the first kiss, her very first kiss. He would not let go of that long kiss; and she gradually dropped her shield and relaxed to be kissed more. She felt as though her entire body was melting by a heat that was not fire but created a fire. She let her defense drop and pulled him close to herself. The fire within her was something so new to her that she did not know the meaning of it. When she noticed that he wanted more than kisses, she pushed him away while she, herself, wanted more. In her pleasure, she knew that she could not give in to his desire. A good, decent girl would never do these things. He, who was clever enough to read her mind, whispered in her ears:
"It's okay honey. I want to marry you."
This was the first time she had heard the word marriage from him. She was confused by the mixed feeling she had for this man. She wanted him, yet she did not want him. She had to take care of her family. This man had no job, no income. Could she drop her family, all of them for a man without job and money? While she was thinking all these, he was still trying to do more than kissing. When she finally moved away from him, she saw a sign on her coat that she had never known about it.
"What is this?" She pointed to her bottom part of her coat.
He laughed uncontrollably and said:
"You mean you don't know!"
At home, in her closet- like room, she felt educated. She had learned something without being an active participant in it.
When Gol heard about Hamid's proposal to her daughter, she was furious. Confronting Hana for the shocking news on a Friday afternoon, did not change her daughter's mind. Hana acted stubborn and argued with her mother for hours. Gol's delirious reasoning convinced Hana that her mom's fear was not for her choice but was for losing her income and support. When she abruptly told her mother what she thought, Gol completely lost her control.
"I'm so ashamed of you. How can you say this to your own mother? All I want is your happiness and I know Hamid is using you. He is a disgrace."
"What is wrong with him? Why don't you like him?" Hana cried.
"First, he doesn't have a job; second, we don't know anything about his family. I've heard terrible things about his sisters and mother."
"What you heard mom, is wrong. He had just finished his two years military service ten months ago. He gets a job soon. About his family, I know they are very high class and rich." Hana doubted herself, said. She even doubted when Hamid had told her repeatedly that he was looking for a job.
"This is wrong. You want to tell me that he could not find a job in ten months since his return from draft! It doesn't feel right. I wish your dad was alive. Besides where do you want to live?"
"Even if dad was alive, he couldn't change my mind. We have decided to live here so I can take care of you all."
"Is this his idea or yours?"
"It doesn't matter whose idea it is! This way is better for all of us."
"Hana, sweet heart, open your eyes. You're making a big mistake. I won't allow you to do this."
"Mom, if you do that, I kill myself; actually we both kill ourselves."
"Did he teach you this, too?"
"Mom, stop! I love him; and besides when we marry, I can get closer to his uncle, Amir, and the chance of finding Van is much greater."
In the days that followed, Gol spoke to her father and brother, Nabi, about this new wretched situation and asked their help. Their rational argument did not change Hana's adamant mind. Her strange behavior did not make sense to anyone in her family. It seemed as though she had become self destructive. Hana's whole perspective for life and respect for her family had changed overnight. When her grandfather, whom she adored, talked to her about many terrible things he had heard about Hamid's family; and almost begged her to wait or to change her mind, she tried very hard to control her extreme anger and refused to listen to grandpa's advice.
"This is a mistake. You're a very intelligent, young woman. You can do better than this, As a matter of fact Mr. D.'s cousin, who had seen you in our house, like you a lot. He's asked Nabi to send his parents for negotiation. You know he is an engineer. He has a very good job and stable family. He is also good looking and young. What do you say?"
Hana, enraged, lost the last strand of her patience in a way that if someone was witnessed their conversation, he would think that she was about to hit her grandfather.
"So, that is it! You all are planning to give me to someone you think is good for me. I hate your custom. I hate you all."
To Be Continued
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