"I don't want to marry you." She almost melted beneath her own relentless words.
Hamid, who at first thought that was a joke, soon realized the seriousness of those words. He bewildered and in shock, covered his face with both hands and stayed that way for awhile. Hana, impatient for a quick response, pulled his hands from his face and saw two eyes of blazing flames like the scary character of a horrific movie. Frightened of that sensation, she moved her hands, as though they were burnt of a sudden fire; and that gave Hamid a brusque fierceness which left her in a vulnerable place without scape.
"Why? Why? What have I done? Don't I love you enough?"
Hana, being desperate, thought she had to get it over with.
"It is not that. Believe me. I know you love me. I know you want to help us with Van's case; I know all of them, but..."
He cut her through: "But what? What else do you want? Is it your family, isn't it."
"No, it is not. It's me. They don't even know about it. Do you understand? It is my own decision. Promise!"
"But why? Don't you love me?"
"It is not that simple. Many things are happening in my life now. My family needs me. I want to finish college. I have mixed..."
Hamid interrupted her again: "Nobody is stopping you of helping your family or finishing college! This is why I told you many times when we marry, we live with your family so we can help them; both of us, you and I, not you alone. Isn't that better?"
Hana, at this point, wanted to tell him things she knew they would hurt him a lot; like he could not even support himself, or he used people. She ended up by saying:
" Oh, Hamid, stop it. You don't even have a job. You can't help even yourself. How do you want to help my family?" As words coming out of her mouth, her anger was increasing; yet she was happy that she had finally told him the truth, which if she wanted to put it in a true term, she would had said: "You're a user, not even that , you're an abuser."
"So that is it! You want to marry a rich man, isn't that right?"
"Don't insult me, Hamid. I don't want to marry any one. I'm not ready. I don't feel like marrying at all."
"But you're almost twenty. It is time for you. A year from now nobody will look at you. You'll be an old maid."
"I don't care, Hamid. You think like the old fashioned people. Your standard of life is a very different than mine. I am a free woman. I don't care about these stupid tradition that man can marry at any age but a woman must marry before twenty. Even twenty is late."
Hamid suddenly recognized that he had just said a very wrong thing to a woman like Hana. He tried to correct it by saying:
"What I said, it is not my idea, it's our society. We live here. That is all."
The conversation lasted the entire bus ride. While Hana was getting ready to get off at the next stop, Hamid, was struggling hopelessly to gain her back.
"Please, listen to me; let me walk with you to the campus and we talk more."
"No, I don't want to miss my classes."
"Just for one evening. This is the matter of life and death.!"
The sudden stop of the bus did not give her the chance to understand what his last words meant. When she got off the bus, he followed her across the street, and they both entered the campus. There, frenzied Hana, asked:
"What did you mean by life and death?"
Hamid, whose last bluff had hit the target, sighed of a sudden relief.
"You don't want to know."
"Yes, I do."
He stopped while both of his hands were in his pocket. He lingered for awhile to make her even more impatient; and finally removed his left hand from his pants pocket. Should Hana understood the dark side of the human nature a little more, she would be able to discover the deceptive and devilish brain work behind the supplicating face of that immoral young man, who was determined to find a life away from his mother and own family in that impetuous doom's day. His delaying and her immature impatience caused an ambiance of distraught annihilation which were beyond endurance. After making her to wait long enough in this abyss of abandonment, he finally opened his fist; and there it was a rolled brown piece of paper.
"Do you know what this is?" He asked her in a dominating voice, yet shaky, while pointing to rolled paper in his hand.
"No, I don't!"
"It's Taryak ( A dark brown color opium, customary among Iranian, mostly men for smoking). Do you know why I have it?"
She looked at him through the haze of her eyes and nodded for no.
"I had a feeling this may happen. Somehow I got it through a friend. Now I am going to swallow it right now and end my life and you can't stop me."
He sat down on a bench that happen to be there; looking so miserable that all passer by looked at him.
"Give it to me. You can't do this." She said hysterically.
He closed his hand tight while looking at the ground.
"Yes, I can and I will. In fact, I'll take it right now."
She desperately began a striving brawling to open his fist; and in the midst of that frenzy, he gently hugged her. She despondently fell for his unprecedented tenderness and caresses. When she finally pulled herself back from him to avoid the curious stare of people, he, to complete his evil plan, removed the paper wrap and pretended that he was about to take it.
Frantic Hana screamed: "No, no..."
People around looked more intensely.
"Tell me you marry me. Tell me you love me, then I throw it out."
She obediently repeated what he asked of her while being completely bewildered of the cloudless sky that looked gray and red.
What she did not know and it took a man like uncle Nabi to tell her, was that the size of Taryak he had in his hand, would not kill anyone even a person that never had used opium. Second even that small amount cost a lot of money. Third how was it that he had it unless he smoked it; meant that he was addicted to it. Fourth, where did he get the money to pay for it, stole it from her parents and from Hana's wallet; something he was doing all along. Oh, why that women, even the ones like Hana that tried to be free and different could be so naive and and stupid? Was it because of the way they were brought up; or was it an inherent thing amongst them?!
Late that night, when they kissed goodbye, she was stupefied over an abyss of repentance; and he was gratified by the triumph and thinking how to make life miserable for her after they were married.
Dallas-
To Be Continued
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