The hot summer of Tehran that year had a kind of uncleanness and blazing heat to it that enduring it was impossible for everyone and especially Hana; perhaps in today's society would be global warming or ozone level being too high. Ambiguous in her thoughts and plans, she did not want to see her twentieth birthday which was only a week away. As hesitant as she was, changing plan seemed an act of fragility. She, who had already gone through many hellish moments with her family, did not want to astonish them again by saying she changed her mind. When she investigated her true feelings, she came to the conclusion that the only reasons she was marrying Hamid were to go against her family, feeling sorry for Hamid, and believing him when he said he would kill himself. There were temporary moments that she thought she loved him; but those small fraction of times were only impulsive seconds that could bot be counted.
After her heated discussion and argument, her family, especially her mother, Gol, had reluctantly accepted her decision- the engagement party on her birthday as Hamid wanted it. The word of approval from mom sounded like, "all right, all right, leave me alone,". Hana understood despondently that mom never approve of Hamid truly. Believing that her mother was right, she did not know how to erase her stigmatic stubbornness, and how to cancel the arrangement. Should mom was a little more understanding and did not act aloof towards her and talked to her in a friendly manner, it would had been easier for Hana to call off the engagement; but not only Gol was unfriendly, indifferent, and uncommunicative, she also made fun of Hana for her choice, and peculiarity.
In the visit that Behroz had with Hamid after the night out with Hana drinking, he told Hana about his indefinite point of view. Hamid, who knew Hana adored her uncle and asked his advice in all matters, was very well prepared to pass this last test on that visit. He understood if Behroz's view of him was negative, he had no chance; therefore, he practiced for two days before the meeting to act like a normal human being. After the visit, Hamid was uncertain of the impression he left on Hana's uncle; nonetheless, he was sure it was not a negative one.
On the other hand, after Hana's insistence to know about their visit, Behroz said that he was not certain of Hamid's character and he had a strange sensation while he was with him, as if Hamid was acting. Being perplexed in her own true feelings, the anxiety at home, and Behroz's indecisive answer, brought Hana to a stage in which everything was irresolute in her exhausted brain. Hamid's endless kindness, those days, aroused a sense of importance within her which she needed desperately at the time of rejection by her family and Vagueness by Behroz. It felt good to be loved by someone, and while she was not sure if she loved Hamid, she figured soon, she could love him, too. The way he acted that being madly in love with her, so much so that he would kill himself if he could not have her, made Hana to think about Saeid a lot those days; and the fact that He had already committed suicide, added more to the fuel of this other.
Whereas American custom that women are normally given a diamond engagement ring, in Iran, both men and women would buy a wedding band for each other. Gol and Hamid's mother refused to go shopping with their children even though that was customary; which left Hana and Hamid in a disdained exasperation. However the excitement of buying the wedding bands overcame the dismay. Hamid, enraptured for being the victor, asked her what kind of ring she wanted. Her mind was still in her mother's absence in such important day of her life. She calmly said: "Something simple and cheap!"
Then Hamid insisted on a wedding band with some design or some small diamond on it, and Hana refused and stuck to her "something simple".
Hamid argued: "This is something you wear and keep for the rest of your life. Let it be a good one."
And Hana's answer was again, "something simple". The only thing she wanted was white gold.
In the jewelry store, after pricing all the simple rings, they chose the same plain white gold ring for each other. Hana paid for his ring, as it was custom, while he was searching his pockets for money to pay for her ring. Finally with a sad face, he said:
"I've forgotten my money. May be we come back tomorrow."
Hana, really irritated, said:
"That is not necessary. I pay for mine, too. But please keep it quite."
He , who felt her disappointment, grabbed her hand.
"I promise I'll pay you back tomorrow."
He never did.
Stop! What was she thinking? Why was no one there to help her to get out of this? Why did her family abandon her? She did not. She stepped in and took over dad's role at age eighteen. She needed her mom, Behroz, anyone, a friend, anyone to come and help her; but no one was there to tell her "STOP!!!!"
In the morning of that inevitable day, Gol, who had finally accepted her daughter's engagement, started cooking and cleaning the house before sunrise. They were supposed to have a late afternoon dinner. Besides Hamid's parents and sister, Hana thought in the last moment it would be a good gesture to invite Amir, Hamid's uncle, for all his efforts to help them about Van's case. Gol agreed without argument. Grandparents, uncle Nabi and his wife and Behroz were invited, too.
That morning forcing herself to help mom, and acting happy, Hana did not feel good at all. She was committing herself to a man while she did not know her true feeling for him. Besides all the anxieties , she was fearful to meet Hamid's parents for the first time. Helping mom let the morning to pass by much quicker; and by two in the afternoon, the table was set and everything was ready. Not knowing what to wear, she was torn between being impressive or simple; and as usual simplicity overcame the other. At three o'clock, Hana's grandparents, Behroz, and uncle Nabi and his wife came. Ten minutes later, Hamid, his parents, younger sister and Amir and his wife arrived. Men were dressed in suit and tie. Hamid's mother had a last fashion, sleeveless dress on. She was wearing so many jewelries around her neck, on her wrist, on so many fingers, and on her ears, that Hana thought she must had taken pain pill to carry all that loads and not being in pain. Compare to women in Hana's conservative family, Hamid's mother and sister looked overwhelmingly modern. However, Amir's wife was dressed very simple. The usual talk did not last more than ten minutes, while Hana busied herself in the kitchen.
To Be Continued
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