"Haven't you witnessed some of his cruelties to me?" Hana Babbles.
"Yes, I have; and I know all about them. But that is because you've allowed him and never did anything about it!"
"Mom, Farhad is right. We're stronger than him." Sam enters the conversation.
"It is not about strength, honey. He's crazy. You know it. He kills us. He's told me if I leave him, he throws acid on my face and kill..."
Farhad interrupts his mother:
"Mom, it's enough. We know about all those threats. We have law here. Women here are protected. He can't do anything. We kick his ass."
Hana discovers for the first time her sons' vigor and their deep hatred for their father. A sense of security brings a pink blush to her cheeks; nonetheless, she quickly falls back into her old habit, fear. But is it fear that has stopped her of any action for so many years, or is it a sadomasochistic attachment that she has found in her sick husband?
Introspecting, she learns a despondent truth about herself which gives her an abject and piteous hopelessness. How and when did she become a masochist? In her last confession in front of the mirror, she has admitted that all these years the forces that have driven her life were not only fears but her desperate need to be punished by an abusive man like Hamid. Her children ultimatum has put her in a spot to choose, them or Hamid. Her decision will clear the enormous cloud in her life, a cloud of uncertainly, ambiguity, and bewilderment. Will she choose saving herself and her sons from this horrible life, or will she continue the old addiction because old habits are hard to break? Exasperating for the uncovering her nihilistic existence, she conjures up some of the old happenings.
Tehran-
Van's unfortunate capture that had cost him his life, changed everyone. Growing dread filled their days while Gol was becoming closer to insanity everyday. Her four children, three of them teenagers, watched their mother's hopeless disappearance with their tormented eyes; and none could do anything to bring her back to normal herself. She vanished more and more everyday and became like a body of nothing, who did not care, understand, or remember. If she was not fed, she could go without food; and if doors were unlocked, she would leave the house without knowing her familiar city anymore.
As observant as Hana was, it took her a while to take the required precautions for watching her mom. When Gol disappeared for two days, afflicted Hana and her grandparents and uncles searched everywhere. With the help of the police they finally found her south of Tehran, very far from their homes, in a alley begging with torn clothes. The trauma of admitting mother's insanity was beyond Hana's endurance. She, who had become a mother of three, a wife to be, and a provider over night, was overwhelmed by responsibilities combined with suffocating pain. Her brother Boby, seventeen, a typical teenager, damaged by the last two years of anguish, acted unreasonably selfish for awhile. However, soon, he found the same strength that Hana had showed after their father's death, and became a helping hand to his older sister. Her sister, Sara, fifteen, stayed in her old habits, wanting no matter what; and when she realized that Hana would not buy her many pairs of shoes and dresses, she began hating her older sister and never changed or helped. When Hana forced her to give her a helping hand, she threatened Hana of leaving home for ever. Mina, thirteen, the youngest, reminded Hana of herself. She, who was introduced to many pains so soon, drowned herself in books, studying, and helping Hana. Everyday after school, when Hana was still at work or college, Mina started the dinner, took care of their insane mother, and fought to change her arrogant sister, Sara.
Hamid visited Hana every evening when the struggle of the day seemed to be over. Their fatigued love that worried no one anymore, wove like a web around them while sitting on the balcony. They would sit there, stifled by the memories of the dead, detached from the shocks and bad news until the clock announce twelve midnight. Hana's sensibility, her controlled, discreet, and concealed delicacy wrapped around her finance' which he had to push them aside to leave at the proper time, twelve o'clock.
To Be Continued
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