"Tim. I don't know what you're getting at." Jacob contained his anger. "To hear you talking, we may all live outside the human society where there is no law. Doesn't the logic of humanity demand...?"
"Jacob, you're one of the few people that I like and respect." Tim interrupted him. "Our century yearns for principals. It is tortured by lies and craves truth. We all question, seek. We all are nostalgic for the facts, for the truth which we can't find anywhere. Look at you, you have hidden a major truth about your life even from your wife, the most intimate person in your life. And she has done the same. Ask Rosa why she is dating me, an old prof... Ask Thui what secret she has buried in her heart, and ask Ed, your dearest friend of his shameful, dreadful secrets! You see we all want the truth but we can't face it. We're afraid of the truth." His tormented honesty in this new statement he made and in his somewhat integrity, even though he was judging people around him was shown in his tone of voice, even more than the words, the penetrating words he was speaking with his bleeding heart.
"God, it's two in the morning. We need to stop this nonsense. We must go home." Thui got up and picked up her purse.
"No, you want to leave because first you don't understand what I am saying and second you know your turn will come. Sit down. No one leaves until I say they can." Tim wore a stern look on his face. Thui sat automatically.
"Tim, stop it. This is my home not yours. They can leave if they want to." Jacob came to his old friend's' defense.
"I've been sitting on thorns for a long, long time." More and more Tim felt suffocated in a world that all goodness had become degraded. His face suddenly looked pale and sweat sat on his forehead. It appeared to Diana that sweat was washing up the color of his face.
"Listen, Jacob, you that write about people, take every day's life story of people and create a fascinating fiction..., yes, I said fascinating, because you're a good writer; here I have a new subject for your next book. I know the secret of your writing; you become the people you write about, you go under their skin, you suffer their pains, you share their confusion, their fascination, and their heartbreaking. This is a story for you. I let you use it; and I don't want any credit for it. Just try to feel me, just listen to my painful story, but at the same time, plan a novel. Listen with the ears of a novelist. I know you can do it. We, others in this room, can listen but ignore it at the same time. We won't let it go under our skin. We don't know how to become the other person; but you can, because you're a writer, a real one, and we're not."
"I've never imagined that you're in so much pain, Tim." Jacob's voice trembled with emotion.
"You've never shown or expressed your pain to anyone. No one has ever known your family. You've never discussed anything about yourself. You've always even hidden your age. You've always acted happy, in control. I had no idea!"
"Enough, Jacob." Tim interrupted. "I tell you everything tonight. No more mystery. I hide my age, right, I dye my hair. I wanted to get young women, like Rosa, which I learned shortly after we met is your daughter. If I knew that at the beginning, I would have never mixed up with her. You got to believe me. Do believe me.
"To me, women were my enemies, and I had to get even with them. What I've done was not an act of love but revenge. I had to use women. It worked. I helped them with their schools, they helped me with my plan. I wasn't like this. If I had married a woman like Diana, your precious wife, perhaps I wouldn't be like this. By the way, she is right. She had no role in that shameful act of mine. It was all me. This is one case that I feel sorry about to inflict pain and shame upon some one. She didn't deserve it. I admit it. I forced myself on her, Jacob. I didn't know you then. I had no idea that her husband, you, one day would become my colleague. I deeply, deeply apologized to both of you. When she said that she withdrew that course, she was right. At the time it was a surprise to me, but now I know the reason. She is a woman with principals. All I am asking is your forgiveness, both of you." Tim spoke as he thought.
To Be Continued
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