Monday, January 17, 2011

Secrets- Chapter Two

Jacob began, trembling; his voice faltering at every word while fatigue, wine, and nervous tension accentuated the disarray. Seeing every one's anxiousness, the ugliness of what he, himself, was so ashamed of weighted on him even more. Before beginning to talk, he sat on a chair by the dinning table. He had been walking in the room for some while. His glittering eyes wandered indecisively and indefinitely with impatience; his glance drifted aimlessly from one face to another.
"Yes, I know your mother." He said shaking on his chair. "And your name is not Rosa."
He was silent now, putting his forefinger to his forehead, as if remembering; but suddenly his fearful smile changed to a sullen depression.
So much had changed already for Rosa; and in spite of her confusion and fear, there was certain conclusive images were shaping in her mind. Jacob looked somber as the night he was part of it. He seemed very thoughtful. He got up from the chair, by doing that, the chair turned over. Nobody even paid attention to it. He walked a little; and then put the chair back in place and sat again, only this time at the very edge of it, as though he was waiting for something, as though, in fact, he did not know what he was waiting for. Then he buried his face with his hands and wept silently.
Diana got up, all shaken, and walked to him. She did not want to believe what was obvious; therefore, she did not know how to behave, outrageous or calm. The others, also in shock waiting impatiently. Midway to reach Jacob, Diana changed her mind and went to the kitchen, where she began smoking and drinking. Finally it was Tim, who finally broke the dreadful silence:
"If her name is not Rosa, then what is it? How do you know that?"
Jacob dropped his hands from his face, stared to an unknown place. He was barely able to speak:
"Because I named her myself!
Suddenly Diana turned towards Jacob and glowered at him with a menacing frown; but no one saw that since she was away from everyone. Others were bewildered. Jacob wrung his hands, and sighs broke from his chest. Irrevocably he had never forgiven himself. The ambiance of the room was filled with oppression and strain. Everyone was waiting; no one talked. Jacob thought besides his wife, the three precious women in her life all had disappeared on him, his sister, Helena, tragically, and his two daughters with the forces that they were beyond his control. He wished that he had told Diana about this part of his life, but every time he had decided to do so, the fear of losing Diana had stopped her. This was something he should have told Diana before they got married, not after.
It was Rosa, as though involuntarily, as though talking to herself, who finally said:
"Are you my father?"
"I'm a fool." He began. "I'm a fool with a heart and no wisdom; but I suffer just like a fool with wisdom and no heart. We all will suffer for this.
Diana, away from everyone else, smoked continuously and drank more wine. She could not believe that for the last twenty six years Jacob had hidden his child from her.
"Do you want to tell us Jacob or not?" Thui's unwanted question startled Jacob. He looked up to the faces that loomed conspicuously in his brain.
"I tell you the story. but remember truth often times hurt more than lies." Then he turned to Rosa, who was sitting next to Tim with her head on his shoulder, said:
"I don't want to ruin my marriage, and I don't want to lose you again."
Every one looked for Diana, but he was not around, Then they saw the smoke of her cigarette from the kitchen.
"My marriage is already ruined. It's up to you. I tell the story if you want me to; but remember you may not feel the same for certain people afterwards."
"What do you mean?" Ed asked.
"I mean what I mean. You need to get the meaning from the story. All I'm saying is that I'm not a bad person."
Jacob had never been able to forget this agonizing picture or put it out of his mind. He had even overstated this affliction out of all proportion through his life and his books. However, at this moment, he was completely besides himself and hardly knew how to start the story for these curious people. He wished they all go away, but immediately he thought about Diana, his enduring, his ever parient wife. He looked up. Now she was sitting far away from him in a circle of smoke which was created by her non stop smoking with her hands under her cheeks. Through that fog of smoke, he was able to see her eyes. Diana also noticed his gaze. Suddenly she surprised everyone, looked up and said:
"Don't you think this is a privet matter between you and Rosa and it must be revealed personally?"
Frowns followed her statement.
"It's already revealed." Tim said sarcastically."
"What do you think, Rosa?" Diana asked her.
Rosa, who had been silent for a while, raised her head and looked amiably at Diana.
"I have no idea what Jacob meant by saying I may not feel the same for certain people." Then she sighed and touched her forehead: "I like to hear the story and others are already heard it, so let's just get it over with!"

To Be Continued

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