Monday, January 24, 2011

Secrets{[}]{[}] Chapter two

Silence fell. It seemed no one was aware of Diana's well being at all. She was so within herself as though she never existed. Nevertheless, Jacob torn between the resurrection of his marriage and the finding of his lost daughter, was completely conscious of his wife's behavior. He buried his face in his hands and thought for a moment: "How can I save my life?" His feelings and thoughts showed in his entire existence. He was stared by others, who all carried hatred, fear, and love in the abstracted, contemptible smile that they possessed on their drunken faces.
He knew of the urgency to implore to his wife for forgiveness; but he was frightened by that plea at the same time. Suddenly something unexpected happened. Rosa, who remembered her conversation with her mother, and then with Diana in the bedroom, got up from her seat, walked to Diana, and stood in front of her. Diana seemed to be dozing, her head in her chest, her eyes closed. Rosa touched her shoulders. Diana raised her head, her eyes red, like fire. The two women hugged, a long, loving embrace. Rosa sat next to her.
"Please forgive him. He is a good man with bad attitude. Do it for me. He has suffered enough. I've already forgiven him. What do you say."
Diana looked up. Every one was anxious to hear her response. It was obvious that the two women liked each other and had no grudge against the other. Their aversion was for a man that from now on they had to share.
"Lies and darkness, hatred and lies..." Diana burst into a loud cry. Her outburst was so intense at that moment that Jacob thought she might die from it.
He could not help thinking of death, of even killing himself seeing his wife's disturbance so sever then. He thought death would not be so terrible at all. And If the events this night were so emotionally powerful, then how could they overcome? But the more clearly he understood his thoughts, the more clamorously he wanted to live, to embrace life, to go on with living no matter the aftermath. He revealed to himself that he might had resented this dark night, this heedless, uncaring destiny which was designed to annihilate him like an insect without his awareness. But why hadn't he broken his silence, why hadn't he just confessed to his wife at the beginning? What was all these resentment for? He was shocked by Diana's sudden air of vagueness, but at the same time, he did not know how he would act if it was her.
Everything in that house, at that moment, appeared hostile and daunting, as though all the things around were disguising secrets, like when people play hide and sick. But in a single moment, an unusual mood came over him. Again he paced the room, pale and gloomy, suffering the incurable pain. His knees shook and a fugitive smile meandered on his shivering lips. He reflected, vaguely surprised himself, and just then. alarmed with awe, suddenly stopped in front of Diana, whose head was on Rosa's shoulder.
"If you want to go on living by hating me, no one can stop you. I never lied to you; it was just so painful, so hurtful for me to reveal this suffering to anyone even you. I know now that if I had told you at the beginning, you had married me any way and may be you could even helped me to find Rosa. Go on, hate me, despise me, but you have no right to do so because I hate myself for it. Now I'm at your mercy. Say something, cry, scream, do what ever you want, but do something." He felt a decisive , undoubted conviction that Diana would respond to his cry for help. Suddenly as if an ocean was opened before him, he saw Diana's fiery eyes. She was sick. Rosa and Jacob helped her to bathroom. Rosa stayed with her. Jacob returned to the room. They returned in a short order, Diana walking firmer.
Jacob was saying things that he wished them to disclose other different things. There was a touch of disdain in his words; nonetheless, he was equally and extremely convulsive. He looked around apprehensively. It was clear that he was losing the track of what he was saying at every new word that came out of his mouth. His entire aura along with his disturbed look, eccentric glowing, and distraught appearance concerned everyone especially Rosa. He looked at Diana, who seemed more like herself, after she had vomited all the poisonous alcohol, fixedly; the spasm now was suspended on his face. He stood there vacant waiting for a miracle.
Considering all the agitation in the house, Diana still seemed unaware of her surroundings. She was ready to go on sitting there as long as it would take without moving or saying a word. she had a misgiving that if she stayed quiet even for that night, she would indelibly allured into this trap and her life would be adhered to this aversion for ever; nevertheless, internally she wanted to stay silent, so as her life would be saved, so as things would return to the way they were.
Rosa, who noticed the extreme disturbance of both Diana and Jacob, felt somewhat responsible for all these commotion. If she had not insisted on talking to Jacob about her mother, things would be normal for all three of them, and Jacob and Diana would go on living their happy lives. She was the cause of all these. She had forgotten that she had planned all these with Tim's help and insistence.
"Listen Diana," She began: "you can't hate him for this. I can't even hate him for this." Then she added, as if to herself: " This hostility will drop you, me and him deeply into the most hopeless abyss. You can't possibly blame him for wanting to forget a hurtful, painful thing that he had no control over it. You heard it yourself that my mother set him up because as she put it, he was kind and naive."
Every one was relieved by Rosa's intervention; however, they all waited to see what Diana would say to her.
"You're an original woman." Diana said at last while getting up. She paced the room and stopped in front of the window.
"You're more original than me. I saw that the minute I entered your home this evening." Rosa responded.
"I can't love him with love anymore. I can love him with sympathy now." Diana astonished all.
"I'll stay with him out of spite."
"You can't do that. This is emotional blackmail." Rosa protested, throwing her fist in the air.
"Yes, I can. Our feelings don't depend on reason. You want me to be reasonable. I am and willing to continue living with him, but my reason is different than my feelings."
"Stop it Diana. You're going mad." Tim cried loud.
Everyone stood up by his sudden screaming. Diana froze in front of window. Her knees buckled; and before falling, she managed to sit herself on a chair. All crowded around her and took her air away.
"I want all of you leave my house now." She frantically cried.
They all listened to her frenzied words. They all knew that something was wrong with her.
"No, "Tim retorted. "We're not leaving , not yet." He paused for a moment, and then added with a little softer tone of voice:
"You think Jacob is the only one with secret. I bet all of us have some kind of hideous secrets buried inside us. I know I do; and I'll share that with you after we hear Diana's secret. I bet Diana you have a secret or two. Look at me, you know I am right."
Diana automatically looked at Tim. Her eyes discharged nothing but shame and fire.
"Stop the nonsense. Get out of my house." She protested.
"No, I recognized you the minuted I came in. In fact I knew you before I came here tonight. Think, think, when was it? Was it twenty, twenty two, three years ago?'
There was a sudden hush in the room.

To Be continued

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