There are some who educe inconceivable gratification from their resentful exposure. Even though Jacob was not one of them, seeing all around him, the ugliness of what he was himself so ashamed of grew in his mind. Nevertheless, in a way he wanted the chance to relieve this anger upon someone, the fury at his own bad night. He shouted, trembling and barely able to control himself, at Tim, who had criticized him earlier about this long, ugly secrets; because he could find him the instigator. To get rid of this secret of almost three decade, he had gone through hell and that hell's fire had burned him to the bone tonight.
"We all have a whole life with a constant of complications which sometimes are not apparent to us, like having a pluming problem. We all live for today or as some some say, one day at a time, and try to forget what will be next. We hope that the closet that holds our skeletons, have a strong lock and no key. You're lecturing me, but I bet if I could have the key to your heart, there are many skeleton hiding there and they all will be revealed. You know it and I know it. Tell me who doesn't have a secret, tell me?"
Tim was astounded, however he knew what Jacob said was true. His secrets were beyond belief. Ed turned to Jacob with a look that sometime he carried in the courtroom, and for a moment forgot their deep rooted friendship.
"Jacob, I really feel for you, tonight. But you have not even told me this secrets of yours. You could have someone to defend you tonight if you have told me about it. I thought we were friends. Why are you mad at Tim?"
Jacob continued his barking at Ed, at said with a voice of an injured man:
"Ed, don't you start me with that? Only the things I know about you are plenty, not the things that I am sure are in your closet, too! And don't act like a lawyer here since I know you and your dirty tricks so well. May be that is why I never told you."
The party had become like a war. The only silent one and perhaps most dangerous one was Thui. She had not said a word for the longest time. She knew that her secret would perhaps ruin her life and shatter all the hope for humanity.
Diana and Rosa were still in the bedroom. It was more than half an hour since they had gone there. Jacob was not sure if they were talking to each other or to Ellen. Thui was all attention and wished she was in the bedroom. On the other hand she was anxious to go home, yet she wanted to stay and see the rest of the night. Earlier she had called Julie, Ed's daughter, who was baby sitting their three Small children and told her that she better put the children in bed and didn't wait up for them. They would pick them up in the morning.
Ed poured more wine and brought a glass for Jacob, who was still on the chair by the dinning table. He patted jacob on the shoulder.
"What are you going to do now? I hate to see your marriage falls apart because of this!"
Jacob looked up. His eyes were red and dry. He thought for a moment and said exasperatedly:
"No, I know Diana for twenty six years. She has a big, forgiven heart. My marriage won't fall apart, but I will; because I know tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, Diana will come to me as a comforter not a tormentor; and each time I see her as a solace, it will remind me a little more about my horrid secret. I will become a man counting his days while she will rain me with love and forgiveness; and all of you live to the fullest."
"Stop it!" Tim said. "You are talking like a mad man. Why are you so negative about everything? We better stop drinking and take a moment to think straight."
"You think it's the drinking!?" Jacob's voice passed its prime. "No, I have a good knowledge of what human is bale to do. See, what I've done, what a wreck I've made! Do you know a woman is bale to torture a man with her love not cruelty and derision; and never, not once, feel a little repentance? She looks at you and she knows, she feels that at that moment that she is crucifying you, torturing you to death, she is giving you love, and she has a right to be like that because you have once stepped out of the right path without you even knowing it. All people have relationships before their marriages, but not many fall in a trap that I did. But women in the back of their minds, think later they can reconcile with you with their love. In this kind of situation, they always have a weapon against you which they used so skillfully."
Jacob's dry eyes expressed a kind of restless and vague impatience. In fact everyone felt uneasy. They all wanted to know what was happening in the bedroom. Finally Jacob said, shaking all over on his chair:
"Thui, go to bedroom and see what's happening."
"No, no, that is not a good idea." Tim said.
Thui and Ed, who were several times at the point of leaving, but yet they didn't want o leave, now sat silent and motionless. Their heads were bent in their chest. Perhaps they were thinking about their own secrets. Jacob was silent now; his forefinger on his forehead, as if contemplating; but suddenly his fearful smile overcame by a look that showed a distorted concern. He heard the bedroom door opened.
Diana walked to the living room wearing a stern look on her face. She did not look ant anybody. She did not say a word. She grabbed the pack of the cigarette and poured two glasses of wine and walked back to the bedroom. Jacob could not say a word and would not dare to remind her of their policy of not smoking in the bedroom ever.
To Be Continued
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