"I know, my mother told me."
"Maybe she lied to you." Jacob responded, astonishing everyone.
"How else could it be? He shamed me and my mother. And let me tell you, there is a limit to the disgrace in the avowal of a man feebleness above and beyond which he can not do when he feels an extreme vindication in the disgrace itself. That is the man that impregnated my mother with me."
Thui did not understand a word Rosa said but a few.
"You're exaggerating, honey." Tim said in a soft tone.
"No," Rosa cried: "It's no exaggeration. Yes, it's difficult, almost impossible for me to understand; nevertheless, how can I be responsible for understanding a thing that isn't understandable."
"Do you ever wonder?" Ed asked.
"All these wondering is empty thinking. Yes, I wonder a lot; but I try not to duel on them."
Diana, who a minute ago was the subject of outburst herself, felt the subject needed to be changed. She got up and asked Rosa:
"Will help me to serve the dessert? Any one wants coffee?"
Rosa got up and went to the kitchen to join Diana.
"It seems that tonight everyone is after us." She told Diana.
"No, sweet heart, don't think that way. Every one is just drunk." Diana said in a motherly way.
"Why did you call me sweet heart? It gave me chills!"
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I don't know it myself. Because may be you remind me of my Vickie." Diana was wondering why Rosa was so frightened of love.
"I'm so sorry for your suffering. You're a good person. Your husband, I bet he is a good man, a good father."
"Yes, he is." Diana said proudly, and then she continued: "You know Jacob was in Philadelphia when you were born. I didn't know him then. May be he knows your father."
Rosa seemed bewildered.
"Why did you say that?"
"I don't know, I am not sure. Just thought may be he knows your relatives." Diana meant what she said.
"You mean he could have known my mother or father?"
"No, that was not in my mind; but now that you said it, it's possible."
"You know my mother went to college for a while, but she quit when she got pregnant with me." Rosa's dreamy eyes were not angry anymore.
"Is that true?"
"Yes, maybe she knew Jacob then. There is a possibility, may be Jacob knew her boyfriend."
The thought shivered both women.
"That is very unlikely. Philadelphia is a very big city." Diana said.
"You just said it's possible. Life is a very strange thing. I want to talk to Jacob about my mother." Rosa left the kitchen and called Jacob to the kitchen.
Diana thought to herself that first Rosa did not care and now she all excited of perhaps finding out something about her father. What mixed emotions can do to people! sometimes people who were caught in the webs of mixed emotion, even themselves did not know what they want. Now the three of them were in the kitchen. Rosa began:
"You know your wife just gave me an idea." She was faced Jacob. Diana was standing behind her. "She said that you were in Philadelphia when I was born. My mother was going to college. I thought you might know her."
"What college did she go?" Jacob asked. There was a strange fog covering his face.
"I don't know. She never told me. But what if you knew her; then you might know her boyfriend, my father."
"I thought you don't give a d..., your exact words, about your father." Jacob said with an indescribable gesture.
"People say things they don't mean or opposite of what they mean. I have to choose between the pain of knowing and nothingness. I always choose the pain over nothingness."
"What would you do with the information, if I knew your mother?"
"I don't know. I guess I will go on living a life which I have taken it for granted for all these years."
"Could you?" Tim said. Nobody had noticed that he had come to the kitchen and was listening to their conversation.
Rosa looked at him:
"Can someone see an image that has no image?" She added after a moment of silence: "Finding out about my father is an image I've had for a long time, yet at the same time, it has no image."
"You don't make sense." Jacob said.
"Yes, I do. I want and I don't want, but I want more than I don't want. I don't know what I'll do with the information if they come available to me, but I want them anyway."
"So what can I help you with ?" Jacob asked her.
"I just want to know if you knew my mother's boyfriend since you were in Philadelphia when I was born."
"I don't even know your mother." Jacob leaned on the wall, his face pale, his eyes were twitching.
"Let me tell you my mother's name."
"I was there almost three decades ago." Jacob said, trying to stop the continuation of this conversation. "I am sure I can't remember all the names of the people I knew."
"That is possible. But there are some names and faces that remain in our minds for ever." Rosa talked passionately. Her face looked feverish. She sat on the chair of the kitchen table.
Diana was thinking that it was rude of them to leave Ed and Thui back in the living room. She called them and they joined them in the kitchen. Diana handed the dessert and coffee to her guests but none were interested in eating anymore. However Tim poured more wine.
"Let's go to the living room." Diana said. "There is not enough chair here for everyone." She felt dizzy. After saying that, she walked to the living room; and everyone followed her. Rosa seemed thoughtful. She was not a cheerful person who entered this house a few hours ago anymore.
"So, what were we talking about?" Tim deliberately wanted to bring back all to the terrible mood they had in the kitchen.
"My father," Rosa reflected. She talked as though to an empty place.
"All right, let's get it over with. You want to know if by any chance Jacob knew your mother!" Tim used the word "mother" with an ironical intent; however no one noticed.
"Yes," Rosa gazed fixedly into space. No body knew how her thoughts meandered. However they were drifting entirely in her past. There was a bleak, restless expression on her face. This expression did not look like a person was absorbed by her memories.
"All right, let's do it."
What is the reason for all these?" Jacob murmured: "How could I possibly know a woman, your mother, in that big city?"
"What are you afraid of, sweet heart." Diana began: "If it makes her happy!"
Everyone was surprised by Diana's remark, as though she had lots of feeling for Rosa, who she had just met that evening.
"Okay, Rosa," Jacob said: "Tell me about your mother. No one knows; maybe we get lucky and I knew her."
Suddenly Rosa overcame with confusion. The hot blood spread in a wave beneath the skin of her beautiful face.
"I guess first I have to tell you her name."
"Right,"Tim interrupted. Their three years plan was finally bearing fruit.
"Are we going to do this or not?" Rosa turned to Tim and said with a lot of anger in her voice.
"Everyone quiet; this is like a game, our game for tonight." Tim said, rubbing his hands together.
A silence ensued. More wine was poured into the glasses.
"My mother's name is Ellen Pace."
To Be continued
No comments:
Post a Comment