Secrets- ~~ Chapter Two

Jacob wore frown. Tension and repressed temper filled his body. Clearly he wanted to tell the story openly, but for some reason he restrained himself. He was beginning to feel an intense love for this young woman, his daughter. But what constrained him was not the shame, or revealing the secrets, it was life from that moment on with his wife, Diana; specially since they had no news from their daughter, Vickie. He was not sure what tomorrow would bring him, when all these people would be gone to their homes, and the affect of heavy drinking would wear off. Would he wake up in bed next to Diana, or would she be gone like others? However he knew of her incredible personality, of her high regard for him, of her excellent quality she had to forgiver. She was a woman of restless imagination. Surely she would acquit him of keeping this secret from her and for so long! Slowly he singled out his guests and scrutinized them. He thought to himself: "Which of these people will criticize me tomorrow; Ed, who knows that I know many terrible things he's done to make money, or Tim, who knows that I know of many affairs he's had, or Thui and her shady past, who cares?" The only people that their feeling mattered were Diana and Rosa.

"I'm going to tell you the story, but before I begin, I need to apologize to Diana." At this point, he got up, walked to Diana, and sat on the floor in front of her, hugging her knees.

"I don't want you think of me as an evil person. Why I never told you, I'm not sure. We all are complex."

Diana stayed silent. He continued to stare avidly and humbly into her eyes. Diana was not sure how she felt. She was not sure of anything. If she had the power to control her reaction, she would want to be forgiving to Jacob and making Rosa part of her family. But for now, she did not know how she would feel the next day.

"I want to hear the story." She said, as if awakening from a trance.

"Can I sit next to you? I need your comfort to go through this." He said, as if talking to himself.

"Yes,"

"In Philadelphia, the day my mother broke up with me over simplifying my last name, I simply went through hell. I wasn't sure if this was a temporary thing or it would last for ever. It did last for ever by the way. I walked for hours. I missed my classes that day; and in the evening I went to a bar and got drunk. There, for the first time I met Ellen, your mother, Rosa." He looked at Rosa at this point, but her head was still on Tim's shoulder. Then Jacob continued:

"She was with a man. Somehow I don't know why, they got into a fight. I never asked her who that man was or why they were fighting. The man left her. I was sitting alone in the bar, it was late and I still was drinking. She joined me. She was upset, I was upset. We both were very depressed for different reasons. At two in the morning, when I was leaving, she walked outside with me. I was very drunk, so was she... She simply, without me asking her, came to my apartment. I don't know, I don't remember what happened that night; but when I woke up in the morning, she was there, sleeping next to me with all her clothes on. I had all my clothes on, too, even my shoes."

At this point, Jacob tried to see the impression of what he had said so far on his guests and more importantly Diana in an objective way. He seemed disturbed by touching the painful nerves of his past life.

"In the course of coming days," He went on: "Ellen and I became good friends. I realized that she was going to the same university. She had no relation with her parents. Her father was a drunker, and her mother had married a different kind of abusive man after divorcing her father. In a week, after we met, she moved in with me. She initiated that of course; and her reason was to save money. 'Why do we pay two rents for two apartments?' She said to me. I don't think she ever was in love with me. She said she was, but I know love when I see it. I never believed her. She was too selfish for that. But I was in love with her, so I thought.

"One thing though, I didn't like about her and we argued about it all the times, was that she used people in any way she could and when she was done using them, she threw them out like a dirty napkin. She liked to bring her friends, men and women, to the apartment, and she wanted us to change partners, all in the same room. She said she had seen it in a movie. She said it was fun. The first time she did this, I threatened her that I will not live with some one who has no honor; so she stopped. Three months into our relationship, she told me she was pregnant. I thought she was using birth control pill. She told me she did. I asked her how could she be pregnant if she took the pills? She said she had lied and she never used any pills.

"Here we were, two young people, away from our homes, rejected by our families, and trying to make a life for ourselves; and now she was pregnant. I was very hurt that she had lied to me about the pills; but I never asked her to have an abortion. I am Catholic; and all my life I've was told that abortion was a terrible thing. I didn't want to abandon my child, as my mother did to me and my sister, or her parents did to her. I wanted to marry her. I wanted to do an honorable thing. She laughed hysterically and said: 'I'll never marry. Marriage is for fools. Married people are miserable. Look around yourself, then you see what I mean.' I told her then what about our child? Then she said: 'You mean my child. I wanted to have a child and now I do. It is my child not yours. I don't need you anymore.'

"I realized that she had used me. I was devastated. I told her that I wouldn't allow this. She laughed more and said: 'Just try!'

"She moved out the next day. During her pregnancy, I tried many times to bring her to marry me. She asked me for money all the time and I gave it to her, even though I was so hurt by her. I saw her all the time with different men and I thought about my child she was carrying. Then I told her that I wouldn't wave my parental right. Her answer was that she would fight me to eternity.

"I went with her to hospital when the time came." Jacob stopped. He tried to contain his deep sadness. His eyes were welling up with tears.

"I chastised myself for not fighting my rights as your father, Rosa. But you must understand that Ellen, your mother, was very stubborn."

"She still is." Rosa murmured.

To Be Continued