Thiry One Return

The long journey I took,
Puzzled me over the meaning of return.
Like wondering over the message of a painting or a book
When we are what we want to see or learn.
*
In my return, I was in cheer.
I was also filled with horror and pain.
The light was pure, yet cruel and near.
Trying furiously to open doors and remain.
*
Shazdeh patted Anna's cheek in his gravely vacant way. She bent down and kissed his forehead. This hospital bed reminded her of another time, another hospital bed; and she shuddered. Even nothing there were as sophisticated as the hospital in Washington, where Steve took his last breath, the ambiance reminded her so much of that other, that she could no more stay in the room.
She felt exhausted of the long journey. She remembered how adamant she had been for going directly to the hospital instead of home. Her mother wanted her to go home instead of hospital and rest awhile; but that was out of question. By the time they had gotten to the hospital, it was eight o'clock at night and no visitors were allowed. That was the way Iranian hospitals operated, only certain hours in the morning and the same in the afternoon for visitation. She recalled arguing with the man in charge, in front desk as though she was in a hotel and did not have a reservation. "I just came from America. I can't wait till tomorrow to see my father."
"So what?'" He returned his question feelinglessly.
Anna softened a little: "Please, let me see him tonight."
"No,"
Anna murmured something under her tongue.
"What did you say?" The man asked her.
Anna walked away. Her mother joined her.
"Honey, let's go home. I told you about visitation hours. We'll come back tomorrow morning."
"No, mom, no. I must see my dad now."
"They went back to the man. "Can I talk to my dad on the phone?" Anna tried to sound nice, but it was so hard for her to hide her emotion and her displeasure for that man's heartlessness.
It was obvious the man did not like her, or her attitude, or what she represented; nevertheless, he said: "I call the nurse."
When the nurse showed up, despite the man's rude order, she allowed her to talk to her father.
"Oh, dad, I can't wait till tomorrow. I must see you now. They won't let me."
Shahzdeh could not hide his feeling either. He needed to see his daughter, too. "Call Dr. Hamid."
She remembered Dr. Hamid. He was a second cousin to her. He had always been their family doctor. He was also was a part owner of that hospital. After talking to him, the doctor ordered the man in charge that not only Anna could see her father, she could even spend the night there, if she wanted to. The man seemed irritated. He muttered something; but Anna did not pay any attention to his annoyance and got into elevator with her mother. On the sixth floor, she did not wait for her mother's slow walking, and ran to room 612, where her father was for the last four days under intensive care.
Even though, they had talked only a few minutes ago, her father was dozing when she entered the room. She thought perhaps he was all drugged up. He seemed happy in his silent sleep; however, she was eager for his words. His silence was painful. Her mother held her hand. "Please don't wake him up."
Anna almost forgot that Fatie was her mother. She looked at her as though she was intruding the most private thing she had, being with her father.
"Mom, will you let me be alone with him for awhile, please."
Fatie, hurt, left the room. Anna stood by the bed, staring at her dad's pale face. He had a faded smile in the corner of his mouth, a forgotten one. She did not like the sight she was seeing. The IV, his purple forearm, where the needle was, the oxygen tubes in his nose, some other wires which were coming from his chest and other parts of his body, and she did not know where the end of each was, no she she did not like it at all. She only touched his hand, being afraid to break that glassy hand that was blue of many injections. He opened his eyes, and then smiled. It seemed to her that he was dreaming about her and Aria.
"Dad," She could not continue. A knot was chocking her throat. He squeezed her hand.
"Anna," He smiled with closed eyes.
She bent down and kissed his cheek and hand. He opened his eyes. She could see tear in them. "I love you, dad."
"You're the only thing I've left. You're me." He said that surprisingly words.
She did not understand what he meant by "you're me". But she relaxed a little. It was a good sign that he was responsive to her, she thought, definitely that was a good sign. She stayed silent, reflective, almost in a way that she could erase herself in a swift way. Fatie returned to the room.
"Sweetheart, now that you saw your dad, let's go home. We come back in the morning."
Anna looked at her mother bitterly, as though she was the enemy not her father's heart, her mother. "You, go on mom. I stay here tonight. Dr. Hamid said I could."
"You're tired and hungry. Please Anna."
"No, mother. Stop pestering me. I won't move from here."
Fatie, despondent that Anna loved her father in so very different way than she loved her, finally prepared to leave; but before that, she said: "I send some food for you."

To Be Continued