"Aunt Na, I don't like to sleep in that room!"
"I know my love; but you're getting a big boy now. You must!"
Kasra knew one thing, and he knew it well. He knew Neda even better than herself. He knew how to edit her books; and he had become an expert in it. Her writing, like her life, was messy, full of scratches, lines, arrows, and connecting one part at the top or middle or the bottom of the page to another part; which later she would not even understand what she had done. Sometimes she wrote at the edge of the notebook and drew a line and put an arrow at the end of the line. She, herself, mostly did not recall what all these lines and arrows were about; but she had Kasra to figure out all these for her. That was why he was paid. There was no way anyone could put her writings in a form of a finished product; only Kasra was able to do that. He was also able to figure her out, to know her mood swing, to know her wants and needs. Kasra did more for Neda than just being an editor. He would come in the morning, if he had not spent the night there. He would buy grocery on his way that no one had given him the list for them. He was there all day. He cooked the day that Neda did not feel like cooking. At this point he worked only for Neda. The publisher wanted him to. Neda's book was bringing a lot of profit for the publisher. He was paid both by the publisher and Neda. She was always generous with people that were her friends and helpers; she paid him very well. She never missed giving him his monthly check. She had never asked him about his family, his back ground, anything at all the years he had worked for her. He was as unknown to her now as he had been when he had started. He was given to her by her publisher and that had been the beginning of this strange relationship. If he was not there, sometimes she would call him early in the morning. She knew what time he would leave home. He had an old American car, a Chevrolet.
"Kasra, they all are coming here tonight for dinner!" She always spoke as she thought:
"Stop at the grocery store. What do you think we should make?" and on and on. And it was always Kasra, who would come with dinner plan and what kind of grocery they needed; what was for dessert; by the way they needed wine; and Neda needed cigarette.
So the statement that Kasra knew Neda better than herself and even her brother and Maryam, was very true. These days kasra besides editing her books, was the organizer of her writings, her shopper, her lover, sometimes her cook, and the person who knew all Neda's confidential business. He had also had become her fashion designer with he help of Goly, the secretary.
"You need a new outfit for next week interview." He would say to her. He even knew her size, her taste, and the colors she liked. Goly loved to help Kasra to buy a new outfit for Neda, since she was getting all her clothes from Neda. They were almost the same size.
On the other hand, Neda perhaps took him for granted. It was not only the friendship, being her editor, or lover that he wanted to be. He wanted more than that; but he never had the courage to tell her that he was in love with her for such a long time. It was hard to deal with a person like Neda, with the brilliant, yet scattered mind that she had. Kasra wanted to tell one day:
"Let's get married!" He knew that Neda would take that as a joke and laugh it out. Therefore he thought, "why bother!" He knew it was not his look since many times Neda had told him that he was a very handsome man. He was only eight years older than her, so he knew that was not an issue either. In the final analysis, he knew that Neda was not a person for commitment, marriage, taking some one's name, or identity. Her obligation was only to her writing and to her nephew. As well as Kasra knew her, there was something that he did not know about her and that was about her searches for her daughter. He recalled that even one time he questioned her about Ariana, and her answer was rude and angry:
"This subject should never be discussed again! do you understand?"
To Be Continued
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