... like a wall of blood walking towards home.
☕
Two days later, Ariana read not so short, not so long article, hidden some where in page eighteen of the newspaper, that her mother was killed two days ago accidentally by a high power rifle in the middle of demonstration. The article said that they did not know why she was there, since in an interview of some months ago she had indicated that she would never participate in the demonstration. The article had called her dirty names, but they also had mentioned that she was the famous poetess that America film production, the "Great Satan" had made two documentaries about her life. They called her Kafar ( anyone who doesn't believe in Islam, and therefore must be destroyed), since in the film they had seen she had a dog. In Islam religion dogs are impure; and they said that she deserved to be killed; and on and on...
Ariana did not believe in death, specially the death of her mother in spite of what she read.
Her uncle and aunt and Kasra were searching for her, since Neda had left no trace behind. Kasra told them the story of Ariana's phone call and the meeting they had had in Ariana's friend's home. He told them that Neda had left him no phone number, had insisted that her secret stayed secret. "Don't tell anyone!"
Ariana was the one that contacted Kasra after reading that article. She finally saw for the first time Sohrab, her uncle, Maryam, her aunt, Aria, her cousin, and Kasra, the good, old Kasra, her mother's friend and editor. In spite of their extreme kindness to her, their uttermost joy of finding her, their exuberant love for her, Ariana completely refused to accept that her mother was dead.
However, because of all the evidence, the privet burial and funeral, she believed even more that her mother was alive. Neda's family, as sad and devastated as they were because of their loss, were elated to find her daughter. They learned from Kasra how Neda had searched for Ariana all these years and in what intensity. They began connecting the dots about all puzzling things that they had witnessed Neda had done, only after her death; since they never knew anything about Neda's sudden trips, or disappearances. Kasra told Neda's story to her family, the family that were so close to her, yet did not know anything about real Neda. They used to think that she was fine with not having Ariana. Now they were ashamed of themselves that they had not helped her in the search for her daughter.
At this time Ariana felt and understood, once and for all that her mother would be with her always, from now on; and would follow her to the end of earth, where ever fate or destiny would send her. She finally knew that her mother was not that cold hearted woman that her father had portrayed her. "She chose her poetry over you..." Her heart heaved... but now she had come to a divine providence, to an inauspicious place.
It did not matter what her uncle or aunt or kasra told her. She absolutely and categorically denied that her mother was dead. Kasra treated her as though she was his child, the child of a woman she had loved for eighteen years. But Ariana, even though found a true connection with Kasra right away, did not care for anything; she searched and searched. Every time she saw a woman with a dark, long hair, she hesitated, her breath almost failed her. Her father told her that her mother was dead. Her anger boiled and she ran off from her father's home but not before telling him:
"She is not dead, You're dead for me. If you think she's dead, then you killed her!"
She began searching for her, tracing her footstep from the time she had given birth to her to the time she had heard about her death! Her uncle and aunt told her that she looked and acted like her mother. She liked that but still did not think a word that was said about the death of her mother was true. She stopped women in the street that they looked like Neda.
The smuggler that was supposed to take her and Roya out of this chaos and to Pakistan and from there if they were lucky, they would go to America, left without her and with Roya. No one could convince her to go. "I must look for my mother!" Every time that she thought that she saw her mother, her breathing stopped and then became labored, her eyes filled with tears.
✪
"Let me shout, scream and cry.
Break every law and deny.
Look at the bloody sky;
Or the ugly bird in fly.
✪
Let me laugh, smile and try.
See the beauty and glorify.
First I cry, then I try;
Again and again I try when I cry
My black heart makes life dry."
✪
Ariana yearned that what if she had seen her mom before death! She said to Sohrab and Maryam that Neda's death was her fault.
"I am responsible. If I had not called her..."
No one could cure her of this search. One search had ended in order this one to begin. No one alleviated her of this guilt feeling that would live with her from now... And what was her guilt? She thought it was her birth!
"If I had not been born...!!!!"
✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ THE END ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎ ✎
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