Neda had told Kasra of her dreams only once. That was a dream of little Ariana, when in the dream she was only a child.
"She was small and pale. She touched my face with her little, cold hands; and I felt a burning sensation on my face and inside of me. When she took her hands away from my face, I felt a wild and horrific pain grabbing my heart...!"
But when Ariana's phone call came, her dream of the night before began making sense to her. That dream was not about her daughter's childhood, but it was a dream of her being a young woman saying good bye to her. Neda had seen her in that dream as a young woman about a little older than the age she, herself, had been when Ariana was born.
That day, all day, before the phone call came, Neda was disturbed more than usual. All day she was thinking about her dream. "Did she want to tell me something?" All day, she was trying to remember the details, little or big, like what was she wearing? What color was her hair, or eyes? Was her hair long or short? But none of those small or big details would come to her memory. Once she had said that details were boring; but that was not the case this day of reckoning. All she could remember was a general outlook of a young, beautiful woman; yes, she remembered that her daughter was beautiful. She remembered that she had this wild look of some movie star whom she did not remember her name at the moment when she had played the role in the movie "Bitter Rice". Perhaps! But she also remembered that how she resembled her, almost like a twin sister, so identical!
But it was not till late at night when the phone call came, and until the next day in the morning when she left home for their secret meeting in Roya's house, a friend of her daughter, that she began recalling some of the details of her daughter's look in her strange dream of the two night prior.
In the morning, she was ready at five. In fact, she had not slept at all. Kasra stayed up with her that night. They talked a lot. More secrets were revealed. They just had coffee and cigarette. No drinking, no intimacy, just being close, crying, talking. After all these years Neda found out for the first time that Kasra was married once only for two months to his cousin. That was what their parents had wanted; but their feeling for each other was more like sister and brother, or two friends. He had not touched her in that two months of marriage. He did not want to take the virginity of a woman, that he loved like sister, away. They got a divorce without the blessing of their parents. His cousin ran away with her lover, and never returned.
"But I hear from her. They're married. They have three children. Some how they were able to go to America. She sends me pictures, letters. They're a happy bunch."
"Happy bunch! Is there anyone out there happy? I know you're unhappy!"
"How do you know? I never show any of my feeling to you!' Kasra retorted.
"I am a poet, remember. I can sense how people close to me feel. I know you've always loved me. That is why you're unhappy."
Kasra thought for a moment; Stretching himself on Neda's bed. He began laughing suddenly.
"Yes, you have a mind of a poet and heart of a stone!" The minute he said it, he regretted it.
"I'm sorry, I meant the other way around!"
"No, you didn't. But I'm going to give that to you. You're right. I've known you've been in love with me from the very beginning; but I am not the marrying type. I like you a lot, a lot,... But what can I say, I love people in a different way. I love you but not the way you want it. I love Sohrab, Maryam, Aria, oh my precious Aria. I even love my doggy and Ziba, the cat. I am not talking about like, I'm saying love. My poor Kasra. I wish I could feel the same way you did. If I would ever marry, it would be you that I choose, no one else." Neda sat on bed, and and hugged Kasra's legs. He was crying.
No one knew about this secret meeting but Kasra. Neda decided not to tell even Sohrab and Maryam about it. She asked Kasra to promise her that while she was gone, if any body called for her, "Just tell them that I'm gone for a walk." But she thought for a moment about it. "No, no, that won't do. They know I don't go out these days because of all these Revolution and riots and street fights..." She hesitated for a moment; then said:
"Whatever you do, I just don't want anyone to know!"
To Be Continued
No comments:
Post a Comment