UNFULFILLED- Four- ~~~Hesitation

The late that night, around two in the morning, Neda, who could not sleep, sat behind her desk and wrote:

"Among the obscure gloom,

You returned back to my womb.

I saw in the dull sky,

One star was passing by:

One star was burning;

And one star was returning.

*

I called you, I called you.

Choices I made in life, like a sharp knife

Cuts me to pieces while white moon stare;

And reflected the windows from air.

*

There, all night,

Inside my heart with fright,

Someone would call.

Someone would want me all.

There, all night,

From branches so black at site;

Sadness and obscurity would fall.

Someone in darkness would call.

It was demon that took her away.

It was a friend that made my sky gray."

*

Neda, in her room, that evening could not do her home work. The taste of the first kiss was still in her mouth. At the time of that kiss, which she was not familiar to it, she had felt in her body a shivering which contradicted the heat that flew in her veins. She did not know what it meant. However, she had enjoyed that uncommon thrill. "I'm in love!" She said it aloud among her school books, something that in coming days she would doubt more than once. Laying in her bed with closed eyes, she imagined Mansour next to her, touching her, kissing her, caressing her hair. The same sensation trembled her again. She rolled in bed and tried to picture what wedding night would be like! That thought not only pleased her; but it also brought her an immeasurable fear. She did not like this double feelings. "Why fear if I am in love?" She asked herself. Engrossed in her thoughts, she did not realize that her mother came to her room. Her mother never knocked the door. Neda immediately sat on the bed, being afraid that mom could guess what she was thinking about.

"Yes, mom what is it?" She inquired timidly.

"When did you come in from the garden?"

"Oh, I don't know, it's been a while." Neda felt tormented and oppressed by her mother's curiosity.

"Mansour didn't say good bye to us tonight! How come?" Mehri paused and then continued:

"Is everything okay between the two of you?" Her mother quizzed her.

"I didn't know that he didn't say goodbye! I came to my room to do my home work."

"oh, well, that isn't important. I just needed someone to talk to about myself." Mehri gazed thoughtfully into space.

"Oh, not again!" Neda told herself; but to her mother, she said:

"What is going on mom?"

"Oh, nothing, I don't know. I'm just so miserable. Your father and that woman went to a movie tonight."

"Mom, what do you want me to do? You're weak. You let people run all over you and take advantage of you. How can you stand it?" Neda was almost rude. she did not want to hear her mother's problem at the moment that she was trying to figure out her own double feelings!

"What can I do?" Mehri asked as though she was in pain. It was obvious that she felt being deserted and abandoned. She nearly twisted with convulsion. Her hands shook. Her face looked pale and haggard. There was despair in her eyes.

To Be Continued