Mehri felt like an inner voice talked to her in a vile and coarse manner, telling her that she was old, undesirable, and unwanted. Therefor all the stains of her being old and unattractive seemed to grab her and tell her that she was not going to escape from this ; she was not going to change, yet she was going to stay the same as she had been with all her hesitation, her ceaseless discontent with her life, and her useless effort to improve. The voice told her that she failed and someone else won; and the perpetual happiness that she was after, would never come to her.
This was the only period in Neda's life that she was not aware of her true feelings and thoughts. She was blinded by love, which later she would discover that it was not love- what was it then? She was not sure because it was not even lust or passion! At the sight of Mansour, joy and pleasure glowed in her eyes and parted her lips into a smile. She could not extinguish the flare of love at these moment for her fiance, even though it was not ordinary for a young girl to show these kind of signs in front of her family.
Having the final exams and also being busy for the "PREPARATION" for the wedding resulted that Mansour and Neda did not see each other much these days. His family which was only his mother and a single sister were at Neda's home to help, since they could not contribute financially. Both women were unassuming and unimportant like her mother. They did not say much. Only once Neda saw that his mother and her mother had some kind of argument. Later she asked her mother:
"Oh, that was nothing. She wanted to make the train of your gown a little shorter. I told her that they are not even paying for the damn thing!"
Neda thought how was it possible that her mother took revenge of her doomed life on the weaker woman!
However not having so much talk with Mansour these days gave Neda this false hope that everything was fine and soon she would be the master of her own home. They paused when they saw each other, glanced at each other, or secretly kissed. Things that had nothing to do with conversation, made Neda to forget his idea of marriage was to have a dutiful wife and for her at that moment was only the bliss of being married and to leave her parental home.
She looked prettier than before even though she was not a very beautiful girl. They say people in love glow. Neda radiated. Despite her mother with ashen face, Neda looked like sunshine with a splendour that every time Mansour looked at her, he felt he should divert his eyes from her so the sun rays would not burn his eyes.
To Be Continued
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