But one thing Helen had not done yet. She knew where the parents of her first born lived; but she was not sure if her son was still at home, or out
somewhere in college, or perhaps even married, or lived on his own! She had not yet done anything about the informations she had craved for so many years; and now she had them. She carried the large envelope with all the adoption documents in her bag with her, everywhere she went, to work to supermarket, to dinner. She knew if one day she did go there, it would be spontaneously. She wished she knew her son's name, but she did not. Of course there were ways to find out about it, now that she had all the facts, but she did not know how to approach it, or perhaps was afraid to learn about them.
Four years had passed from her divorce and from having these information. She was frightened to show up at the door of the parents of her son's home and say, "I am your son's mother!" All her courage had used up to survive all these years, for all these dealing with men in her life, for raising her children, for unending quarrels, for hiding so many informations from Steve, for being terrified if by any chance she had come face to face with one of Roger's client, for the depth of love for Jacob she had, and for how the money and power had changed him, so much so that he wanted her only for the sake of having a mistress. She remembered that once Jacob told her that it was almost like a fad for all these powerful men, such as lawyers, oilmen, men with so much money, to have a nice family for a showcase, and to have other women at side. Steve did it, so did Jacob! Like her boss that was a straight man with wife and two children, and yet because of his profession, being in fashion industry, he had all of sudden had become homosexual. Of course she had nothing against these gay people. They were, in her opinion, were some of the nicest people ever! But now working in a place that most of the designers, people, who were on salary, men or women were homosexual, but people, who worked in the factory as an hourly basis were not! Again this was another trend which was catching up like a wild fire!
Now at age fifty, she yearned to see her first born. He was twenty four years old now; her last born, Caterina was in first grade. She had moved to the house, as it was in their divorce arrangement, so she could go to the same privet school that her sister and brother had gone. Elizabeth had finished her education; however against her parents' advice, she got married and now was expecting her first child. Steve and Nancy had two children, both boys. Chris had dropped from school, had moved out of the house, and moved in with Helen; but yet again left his mother's house. He was a confused young man, who was mixed up with some friends, who were influencing him in wrong ways. But he always returned. He always came back to his mother, Helen, for money; and then disappeared again!
When Helen had formerly worked, that work of so many years past, it was not only for escape of her doomed life, but also and most importantly was for the love of teaching! At that time, she used to think that without work, her life was too gloomy. Now she needed to work so her life would have some colors, so she would have some social life of her own, not of Steve's choosing, so she would have some uniformly bright life, if such thing ever existed!!
To Be Continued
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