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Maryam, who was engaged to Sam for over a year, thought that her man was different than her father, brothers, cousins, or any men in her family. This difference was in a way of recognizing the equality of the two genders by Sam, her fiance. Whereas Neda's case Maryama and Sam were truly in love. He had another year to finish his college; she had two more semesters to finish her schooling for becoming a beautician. Sam did not mind Maryam to work. In fact he told her many times that it was good for her self esteem to have income of her own, and to be independent; and besides having two incomes would have made life much easier for them. They would be able to build a life together much easier; besides working would boost her sense of being. Woman barely worked then in the traditional families; and the ones that they did, had mostly very modern father, brother, or husband.
Even Now Maryam believed that he had told her the truth about being independent and her sense of being. Everything they talked about, sounded wonderful to Maryam. She thought that he was a dream man for any young woman. But he had one short coming, like most men; and that was his deep- rooted prejudice against women who were not virgin on their wedding night. Perhaps being engaged in that kind of culture for one year was a wrong idea! In their cases, they both wanted to finish their education
Seeing each other almost everyday, being alone a lot of times, and having the desire to be close to each other was a dangerous thing for both of them, specially Maryam.
It happened two weeks before their wedding. The irony of it was that both were able to control their desire for intimacy for almost a year; but then it came that evening in Maryam's room when things got serious; more than kissing, fondling, hugging and touching. Maryan drew back.
"No, stop, you know we can't... Please stop." Her eyes said something else; nonetheless, she knew that she had to wait till their wedding night.
"Why not? We'll be married in two weeks. I already consider you my wife. What is wrong with doing it now?" He was sincere then. He really meant it then.
However Maryam, who knew she had to be virgin on their wedding night, kept her ground and resisted him and his want; even though she, herself was so tempted. He continued his fondling so much that her resistance melted away under his passionate kisses and touches. When they were done, she was not a virgin anymore. She cried hysterically. He solaced her that evening. He told her that she had done nothing wrong, that they were already like married couple.
He Continued seeing her in the next two weeks as before; but Maryam could sense something had changed. She knew the reason, but she thought by the passing of the time, he would forgive her transgression.
Two weeks later, he did not show up for their wedding. Maryam could not tell anyone the reason. If her father and brother would find out, they would perhaps crucify her. She had to act shocked and surprised like others. She made a decision that the family life was over for her. Besides how could she marry and trust another man. There were tricks women could do to pretend that they were virgin, or even there were back alley doctors which they sew up women who had lost their virginity; but Maryam was not the type to go for any of these should she find another man in future to marry.
There was only one more thing for her to do. She had to see Sam for one more time, the man she loved to death, the man, who had ruined her. It was not an easy task to face him. She did not know how she would feel! would it be all the rush of love followed by begging him to come back to her, would it be just a pure hatred for ruining her, or would it be just to say good bye for ever? She knew that Sam did not want to see her since she had called him on the phone and he had hanged up. She ended up to go to the university and wait for him until the time he was was leaving the campus.
They sat on the bench under a big oak tree. She did not know how to begin, what to say! Their silence was more revealing than any discussion. She decided to leave without speaking. But in the last moment, she came to conclusion to say something. She gathered all her wits and said with a trembling voice:
"Why?"
Sam did not look at her. He gazed straight forward himself. His hands were trembling. His aura was kind and tender. When he spoke, his voice was the most amiable than she had ever heard. Then he looked at her with his misty eyes that light of passion on them seemed had been stifled. The heat of his gaze was like an adoration which violently burned like a candle in a windless place. He even touched her finger for a second. finally he said with a voice that was barely audible:
"You gave in to me while you should not have. I can't trust you even though I am madly in love with you. But this secret will never leaves my lips. Rest assured!"
Maryam was outrageous. How was a gentle man like him with so much love for her could do this.
"You insisted; you said you considered us already married. You left me no chance!"
"There is always chance! It doesn't matter what I did; it matters what you did; and you gave in. I can't marry a non virgin woman. No one can!"
"You ruined me!" Maryam stammered.
"I'm so sorry. But I think you ruined yourself."
Their parting that day was more like a beginning of a new life for Maryam. Now her view of life was so different than before. Marriage for her was a far mirage which she would never be able to reach or wanted to reach. Now that she worked and made money, her goal was that gradually to convince her parents to live on her own and to become completely independent. That was an impossible desire, but she was determined to the impossible.
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To Be Continued
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