The next day Neda's mother took her to their family doctor. Neda, who always had irregular period, did not remember when her last one was. After examining her and doing a pregnancy test, the doctor said that she was definitely pregnant; perhaps about four to five months. And then he said that most likely she would have the baby sometimes in January.
"It is hard to know since you don't remember your last period. Even before you married you always had your periods every so irregularly. That even makes it harder. Besides I am just a regular doctor. Perhaps a gynecologist can do better than me."
Neda shook her head while crying:
"I'm not going to go to another doctor."
"But you must. I can't deliver babies. Well, I have a few times, but that is it. You must go to a specialist so he can properly take care of you."
"No, I won't!"
Her mother and the family doctor looked at each other and decided to let it go for now; but he said for final advice:
"My best guess is that you perhaps got pregnant right way; so we go from the date of your wedding. I am just going to ask you to take these vitamins that I write. In fact I have some here in my office that I'll give to you. You must eat. I know you don't feel like it, but not eating won't be good for you and your baby."
Going home from the doctor's office, Neda told her mother for the first time how unhappy she was:
"Mom, it was a mistake. I am sure dad set me up; and you never came to my rescue." Then she continued with her hysterical cry in the taxi that was taking them home.
"None of you foresaw this disaster. Sohrab noticed it, but then forgot about it!" Her anger mixed with her crying was unbearable for her mom to endure.
Mehri, whose own life had turned completely upside down, told her daughter that under the new circumstances, separation or divorce were out of question.
"You must tolerate this. You have no choice, sweet heart. If you weren't pregnant, perhaps your father would consider it, but not under this condition."
Neda cried harder and mumbled:
I don't want to be like you. I'll have an abortion."
The taxi driver looked in the rare view mirror at the mother and daughter who had put their personal grief on display.
Mehri reminded her that in their country, abortion was illegal.
"It's just illegal, especially as far advanced as you're. The only possible way for abortion is when the mother's life is in true danger."
Neda thought about how could she endanger her life so she could have an abortion. What she did not know, even though she had highly improved mind for her age, was that she was still a child. Even for an adult woman without her husband's consent, abortion could not be performed even if the mother's life was in danger. She did not know that a woman could not even get a passport without her husband or father's approval. She just had forgotten that women were the second rate citizens. An uneducated, good for nothing man had more rights than a woman who was a medical doctor.
That night in her own apartment, she felt that she was all alone in this obscure sea of sadness. Her beautiful soul suddenly wanted to destroy everything admirable around her. She wanted to be rescued from this fishnet she was caught in. The only people she thought might help her, were her cousin, Maryam, and her brother. It would be nice to talk to a woman friend who genuinely liked you, who understood your situation. But realizing that her cousin's words, being a young, unmarried woman, did not have any weight with her family, she decided to talk to Sohrab. She recalled the kind words of Sohrab on her wedding night. She was certain of his true love for her. If her brother could not help her, no one could!.
The sickness was unbearable. It appeared to her that now that everyone knew and she knew herself that her condition was not only her unhappiness, her indisposition became worse than before. The physical change in her ability felt horrible. Her entire system had changed. Food did not taste good. What was the sense of eating when she vomited right away and could keep nothing down even for a half an hour? there was only one thing that taste good to her and she could hold it in her stomach, and that was ice cream. Now her freezer was filled with buckets of ice cream, mostly strawberry ice cream. She normally had a bucket of it in front of her while studying. She did not care anymore that she was a broken down pregnant teenager, who had gone to a marriage so her father can have a peaceful life with his second wife. Her determination to get her high school diploma was the only prospective she had in her life then. The ice cream would melt and became like a pink color milk in front of her on the dining table; but she would not see it. No one could stop her love affair she had found with ice cream.
Mansour most of the time, did not dare to force himself on her; and without drinking wine which she could not anymore because of her pregnancy, there would was no way that she could go through it. But every once in a while while she was asleep, he would take her like a hungry dog. In those occasions, the scene that Neda made, could be heard around the block. After those sneaky ones, every time he gave her a hint, she became hysterical and broke down and threatened to run away. Most nights, she ended up to sleep on the sofa. She blamed marriage and love making on her current situation. She pondered how selfish her husband was to ask her for a thing that she was not capable of giving it. She thought that egocentric people only considered their own distress and displeasure were more important than anything else in this world! How could not they see other people's irritation and pain?
Mansour, who had only one more semester of college left to finish, thought that he was a real scholar; therefor, he could not enjoy his life because what he knew where only the things he was taught, nothing more or less. He had never learned about simple concepts of life, people, emotions, short comings, and joys or sorrows. He saw this simple parade of life, but never was freed his own hungry self, never completely understood the splendor of things, never had his conscious passionately converted into animated thoughts, into fervor of an excitement, or a drive for accomplishment; he was nevertheless apprehensive, not lively, and he was definitely was short- sighted.
To Be Continued
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