When school started in September, Neda who was feeling sick, got even worse. She was feeling ill in her stomach for a while now; but she had always thought when some one's soul was sick, her body would break down, too. Every morning she woke up, nauseating, and vomiting. She began the morning with no appetite. She used to love breakfast. In fact, breakfast had always been the best meal of the day for her. Now not only she could not eat in the morning, she felt sick, very sick all day. She began losing weight. Finally one day her mother, Mehri, took her attention from herself and looked at her daughter with curiosity. She noticed the blue ring around her eyes one evening when they were having dinner at their home.
"What is wrong, honey? Are you sick?" She asked Neda in front of everybody. Neda raised her head from staring at her food with disgust and looked at the gazing of her family.
"Are you talking to me, mom?" There was a film of tears glistening in her eyes.
All of the sudden, everyone looked at her and for the first time they all noticed her pale face and puffy eyes and her thin body. Mehri noticed that she should have asked that question when she was alone with her daughter. A sudden terror, yet joy shivered Mehri. However since everyone had suddenly become interested in Neda's sickness, Mehri said:
"Yes, honey, I was talking to you. You don't look like yourself at all..."
Mansour was the one who answered Mehri instead of Neda. Perhaps he wanted to show to Neda's family that he cared:
"I've noticed it, too. She refuses to tell me what is wrong with her! Maybe she tells you..."
Neda unexpectedly broke in tears. Now that all had noticed, she, herself discovered that she really was not feeling good. It was not only the sickness of her soul, but also the sickness of her body. Since she refused to answer her mother, Mehri turned to Mansour and asked him:
"Have you taken her to the doctor? What are the symptoms?"
"I don't know!" He began. "She goes to the bathroom and lock the door from inside. She won't tell me anything. But I know that she vomits."
Suddenly Sohrab, Neda's brother brought both his hands with force on the table.
"She is pregnant. You got her pregnant!"
The word "pregnant" had never entered Neda's mind. She was feeling sick for a few months; but she related this physical sickness to her emotional affliction. No, it could not happen to her! How could she endure this? She was so frightened to hear the word pregnant, that all her family saw it in her eyes. She put her hand on her forehead and smoothed her hair back and wiped the bead of sweat that were covering her face. Outside a precipitous thunder smothered the sky and the light in the dinning room became murky.
A tormenting struggle was happening in Neda's heart. Her eyes were rainy with a violent agony, with a fierce hatred, and with a strong yearning for love. Her brother now was standing behind her chair and massaging her shoulders. Sima, father's second wife was also standing next to her chair. However, her mother, father, and husband did not move. They were all in shock. They were not sure this stupor was a joyful one or an agonizing one. It was Sohrab, who at this point hugging his sister's head standing behind her chair, who said:
"Mom, you're a woman; you're her mother. Why didn't you know? Don't you think it's enough to feel sorry for yourself and think a little about your own child?"
Mehri said nothing. For Neda, this was a tragedy at the time that she had made up her mind to break this marriage for ever! It seemed though that real catastrophe of life always would happen in an inauspicious manner and time. This disaster most definitely afflict pain on her by its coarse affect, by its deficiency, and by its complete lack of style. She knew it would leave her a terrible impression just as indecency would transform her.
To Be Continued
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