When she is well enough after a week and half being in the hospital, she finally admits to the plan of killing herself by starvation, something the hospital staffs have already known. But her confession makes it easier for them to keep her in hospital longer, so she can see a psychiatrist. They tell her without her permission (Dr. Barbara), they can not release her. perhaps they are afraid they she will harm herself again. Hana knows that she won't. Now she has something to live for just like her mother after the death of her brother, when she gave birth to Farhad and she held him for the first time.
In her everyday session with Dr. Barbara, Hana, for the first time, opens her heart with all its suppressed emotions and feelings. She talks about her life to the good doctor. She recalls her mother's insanity after Van's murder by Savak. She tells the doctor that while no one could do anything to cure her, then it came her first grandson. She tells that her son was her mother's unfounded medicine, while the best doctors, even the fortune tellers, and some magical powers that were used in those days could not do anything for her mother, her son did.
"My mother looked at my baby when I came home from hospital and said that he is her dead son. After that she was just cured. Just like that."
Hana puts a lot of emphasis on the similarity of her case and her mother's case. She, who wanted to end her life only a couple of weeks earlier, now has so much to live for. Her entire existence and entity and her lost love of Sam are now gathered only in one thing, one reason, her grandchild. Now she finally understands her mother, who has died thirteen years ago. She says to Dr. Barbara that she wants to go to Italy before baby is born and be with Farhad and his family. The good doctor recognizes all of these; however she insists on Hana to practice the concept of the "Self Worth".
"Without self worth, without respecting yourself, and valuing your own life and well being, you can not love another human being, you can not even be a good grandmother."
Hana has studied and read many things about Self Worth, Self Respect. She agrees with the concept in her mind but not in her heart. Dr. Barbara is too smart if Hana decides to lie to her. She is determined to get better. She talks about Mario, about the relationship they have had, about how much she misses him.
"Here we go. You can start here. Don't you think you need an apology to him. He may not be available to you anymore, you understand that?! Are you ready to face that?"
Hana thinks hard and deep.
"I want to be with him and pick up from where we left; but if he is not available anymore I understand it. I am not going to go to pieces over it."
After another week in hospital and having a session with Dr. Barbara everyday, she is finally released from hospital. But the good doctor tells her that she needs to continue these sessions once a week in her office. Rita comes to hospital and kindly drives her to their home. After a few days spending at Sylvie's parents home, She can convince them to let her go home.
As color returns to her face, energy enlightens her eyes, and hope shines in her tortured body, she slowly gains some weight back, and gradually begins enjoying food again. Her performance at work becomes at its highest and the owner awards her with a big raise. She makes passionate calls to Italy every late in the evening which is their morning to hear all the news about Sylvie's well being and condition. When she hears about the baby's first kick, Hana joyously screams as though the fetus has kicked in her womb. She sees Dr. Barbara every week. She does all the things she is supposed to do except contacting Mario for apology. She is too ashamed to do that. She is just looking forward to go to Italy before the birth of the baby and be with her family.
Her poems once again become an important part of her life. As she goes deeply into her awareness so she can write them as poems, she discovers how much she misses Mario; nevertheless, she is too stubborn to listen to Dr. Barbara, or too shameful for her behavior and decides to completely forget about this one thing. The good doctor tells her that she is again hurting herself by refusing to contact Mario; but she stays adamant. Her bleeding pen only writes the things that have been the worst in her life, when soon she she will face the best . She reads one of her newly written poem over and over only to find out that she has only spoken of Mario in it:
"Since the yellowish sun rays over waves
have faded away and the billow raves,
Pain has raised me for years.
~
Then it came you, calling me to a different path.
You were a friend carried so much wrath.
And I broke my silence, we mingled.
~
The exalted night gave up magic, became short.
Our sights lost vagueness of such sort.
And sun's color was unveiled.
~
Thirsty plants were drowned in water
When my uproarious soul caught in clutter.
Thinking of years, how they have passed?!
~
When the autumn filled the world with mist,
The glimmer changed colors in strange twist.
My blood turned inward of anguish.
~
Like an old, forgotten song, I became afraid.
My body of woe carried sorrows and wondered.
And you took a glimpse into obscurities of my eyes.
~
You wanted me in the path, but the air was dark.
Every night I grieved if the day would have spark.
And when the day came to the door, I yearned the night.
~
To Be Continued
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