"but ignoring the past, is robbing the future. How can I know what to do if I ignore every thing that had happened to me in past? Tell me who Am I? What is Anna? What is me? Do you want me to be a woman without a past?" Stammered Anna.
"No, that is not what I meant. Don't ignore anything, use it. You must study your history to know who you are. Remember I am a historian. Everything from two thousand years ago and beyond related to today only in different shape and form. When you study your history, you'll certainly know who you are. Then you can make intelligent decision for your future. I said don't duel on past."
"I understand what you said. I don't think I am dueling in past. To me, my past or your past are like chapters of a book; you read them and move on to the next chapter; but you can't forget them, because if you do, you don't understand the rest of the book." If there was a light on there, he could see the rim of her hazel color eyes were more pronounced.
"This was a very good comparison. Just look at them as chapters of books as you, yourself, said. don't read them over and over. I understand that you've been through a lot; so have I. But you're a fighter as I have said repeatedly. This is one of your most important quality; and the other ability which is hard to find in others, specially immigrants like you, is that you can easily adapt to new situation and environment; something everyone should have, immigrant or not and most don't. Look at you, see what you've done. While all girls in your school married at young age and never knew their qualities, let us say if they were born here, you fought your father tooth and nail and convinced him to come to America and became educated. You worked and supported yourself, again unheard among women of your class in Iran. I know the tragedy of your first marriage and what happened to your brother were beyond endurance, but you survived and prevailed. You're a fighter. Stay that way." His voice sounded normal, as though he was not fighting for his life. Anna could picture his kind, shiny brown eyes specially when he was excited or he was acting like a teacher.
Suddenly a chill blast of air struck Anna and a thought flashed through her mind.
"Are you okay here, honey? May be we go inside."
"I'm fine. Never been better. I am enjoying myself."
"I'm just worried, that is all."
"Don't. What's going to happen, happens. You and I have no control over it. Back to what we were talking about, I think people like you and I are very isolated because we are very independent in mind and soul. That makes us different and segregated. We look at each other and others through our own lenses and and values."
"That is true. I very much believe in what you just said. We're honest and simple. We tell the truth even though most of the times it hurts us."
"How can we not tell the truth if we don't project things on ourselves?" Joseph said while starting a new cigar.
"That is my point. When I look at a problem or a person, I don't see objective reality. I see things filter through my own perception. Another words, we can't escape ourselves; we wouldn't want to. All people see reality as it is in their mind. We look at things trough our own experiences. We need to adjust our lenses for understanding the truth. The only way we can relate to others is to look at ourselves and recall the things we know." She spoke more and more vehemently.
He stayed quiet for a short while, devouring what she just said. Then he poured more wine in the glasses. "I adore you." He said it in his speaking mind.
"I see me in you. You talk my heart. You take my breath away. I could not say it better than you did. You know, honey, we are in the category of a small portion of the human beings, the independent in mind. I want to do what I am pleased to do. Most people don't understand us. How can they? The whole point of Socrates is to know yourself, know your perception, and relate to what you know. That is the only way to now the truth." His pale smile was seen in the moonshine.
"But yet, even though we're different and independent thinkers, we both have made many mistakes like majority of people. Why is that? How come?" Anna inquired.
"because we are all part animals,too. We do fall in bad situations, bad habits, like my two terrible marriages that ended up to divorce before I met you."
Anna gazed into space thoughtfully. She felt relaxed. A breeze shivered her a little and suddenly she remembered the catastrophe she would come to face soon. The hateful thought shook her and she looked ardently at her husband.
"Don't you think it's time to go inside. It's getting a little chilly."
"What time is it?"
"I don't know. Let's go inside."
It was two in the morning. They have spent five hours outside in the gazebo, just as imagining normal things and talking about it would solve their problem. In bed, Anna thought of the harsh way that life was about to steal her bliss. "It's not fair." She thought.
*
To Be Continued
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