When the moon came out at night to put a cool breeze of actuality over the heat of that hot summer, Anna in her room, stayed up late and studied. Not receiving any letters from her brother reinforced her thoughts that her father not only had not mailed her letters to Aria, but also had not given his letters to her. Being so young and inexperienced did not stop her of perceiving her father's deceitful kindness. Quite unexpectedly, he did not mind his daughter to socialize with his nephew. Anna liked Fro, but more like a brother. It was not hard for her to see the reason of Fro's visit almost everyday. If her father was capable of bringing two young people together only for not keeping his word, Anna thought, she could comply with that dishonest act without falling in love with her cousin.
Their age difference, however was not a concern for either of them, for Anna was very mature for her age. Fro, who had just returned from England with a master degree in business, had known about Anna's shattered engagement. In fact, he did not blame her for it.
They sat in the gazebo every evening, where the natural breeze animated their energy, and talked. Shahzseh and Fatie watched them from inside, hoping for a day that Anna fall in love with her cousin and forget about America. But the young cousins, ten years apart in age, who enjoyed each other's company and shared their secrets, were far from falling in love. They felt like two siblings. In less than two months, Fro trusted Anna enough to tell her a secret he had hidden from everyone. "I love this English girl I met in London. She is carrying my baby."
Unbelievable Anna looked at him perplexed and said: "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I'm going crazy. I'm thinking to go back to London and marry her and never come back."
"How are going to do that?"
"I'm not sure. May be I tell my parents that I must take another course."
"But don't they know that you've finished school?"
"Yes, but they don't know the educational system in London. I can tell them something that they can believe."
"If they hear that you're married an English girl, they probably disown you."
"I don't care. I'm tired of this life style. I must follow my father's footstep while I have nothing in common with. I work and make a living like anybody else. I don't have to depend on them for the rest of my life. To be dependant is like slavery. Don't you feel like that, too?"
"Yes, I do. But one thing though, do you feel obligated because of the baby or do you really love her? What is her name by the way?"
"Her name is Janet. I call her Jan. I feel obligated for the baby but I also love Jan very much. I heard about your and Aria's brave act of running away your fiance. Tell me about it."
Anna laughed: "What do you want to know. I hated that man. I don't want to marry. I want to go to America. But you know that is impossible for girls. They don't even give Aria's letters to me and I know my letters to him were never been mailed either."
"I can help you with that. Why don't you write a letter to Aria. I mail it for you. You can ask Aria to send his letters to you to my address." He smiled while picking up a piece of watermelon with his fork.
"What a brilliant idea. Do you know why they let us to be together? Nobody has told me that. I figured it out myself." Anna was gratified to find a friend among family members.
"I am suspicious for..."
Fro's words were interrupted when they were called inside for supper.
*
Every night when the darkness of the sky fell upon the sooty building, Anna tried to stop her ears from hearing so she could fall asleep; but even in her unawareness, she was still aware of what she was dreaming. To stop tormented thoughts, which in fact were not thoughts but finding answers for unresolved questions, she stayed awake in her dreams and darkness feeling alone. Her exhausted soul yearned in desperation to gain a little peace. When she dreamt, she was conscious that she was dreaming; and somehow she could stop the dream to think.
Since Joseph's health began deteriorating, She stopped working. He hated to be in the hospital or nursing home. Taking care of him and working at the same time were too much for her to handle. Besides, what could they do for him in the hospital that she, an experienced nurse could not possibly do for him. His mind was still as active as before and his demands were not only medical care. He wanted his wife next to him all the time. He still wanted to satisfy his uproarious soul with vehement discourse they had had at the beginning of their marriage.
When Anna married Joseph, she lost the survivor benefit of her former husband that she was paid by CIA for the last twenty two years. That money combined with money she made by working provided her a comfortable life. Her passion was helping a few organization for needy children after the death of her first husband. Now the situation was different. She was at home without any income of her own; and she had become the care giver to her sick husband. Not being in control financially bothered her at beginning, but when she gradually got used to the idea, she discerned that helping her husband had much greater value than earning money.
On the other hand, Joseph, who had found a woman for the first time who loved him truly, willed everything he had and inherited from his parents to Anna. He had a son from his first marriage, who Anna had never met. The only time that she spoke to Joseph Junior was about two years ago when one Sunday morning at six O'clock she woke up by the ring of the phone. "Hello,"
"Let me talk to Joseph."
Anna thought for a minute. "Who can it be?" She knew that her husband did not like to be bothered by annoying phone calls. It was not his father since she knew his voice and besides he was very fond of Anna and never asked for his son without talking for a while with her.
"May I ask who is calling?"
"This is his son."
She wondered why he did not call her husband dad. She awakened Joseph. "Your son is on the phone."
What he had told her earlier about his son was proved to be true that morning. He wanted money, a lot of it. He was behind his child support. "He calls me only when he wants money." Joseph had said that to Anna about his son many times. Their relationship was only about money; therefore it was cut off when Joseph stopped giving him money. " I am not a bank." he had told him once.
Of course, on that Sunday morning, Joseph, in a very articulate way told his son that he would not give him the money.
"Why don't you help your son this one time. May be things changes." Anna insisted after he hung up the phone.
" He is thirty eight years old. I paid my child support and even more when he was a child. He needs to take responsibility for his son."
"But may be just his one time. How could you say no to your son?"
"Listen honey, you don't know our history. He never calls me or even knows if I am alive or dead. I never get a father's day or birthday card from him. Every few years I hear from him and that is when he wants money. I had helped him more than all the other fathers, believe me. He is a young man. He can work. I am his father and have two jobs. If I had that kind of money, I would pay off this house. Besides you don't have any children..." He stopped since he knew that was a very delicate subject and sore spot for her.
She with tears in her eyes babbled: "You don't call him either."
"That is true because he kept changing his address and phone number and never informs me of it. All I know is that he lives in New Mexico. Believe me I have tried to have a normal relationship with him but his mother has poisoned his mind against me so much that no matter what I do is useless. If I give the money, he takes it and disappears from my life again.
Conjuring up that conversation, she came to understanding that her husband was right. His son did not even know that his father was sick for the last six months. At the beginning she had thought that Joseph was so involved in his world that did not want to be bothered even by his own son or any conflict. Sometimes she even wondered about his two divorces. But she changed her mind when Joseph's father died a year and half ago. He was devastated. He had nightmares for a long time. After all his father was his best friend. His mother did not last long after her husband's death. She died six months later. Both of them were in their eighties when they died. Anna got to love them, too; even though she did not know them for long.
*
All else was overshadowed by Joseph's sickness. Anna, who loved to dream and let her imagination fly around and let her soul to leave her body for wondering and return again, sought that odyssey near the warmth of her husband. There was not even a delusive uncertainty left between annihilation and pity in her. To her, the magic of life, where all the roads hastily chased the shadows, was to program herself to go deep into the night, where she had been more scared all her life, and not being afraid anymore.
She had never cried in any one's presence; however, for the first time, she cried when telling Joseph her story. He remained close to the wetness of her cheeks, burning his, looking at the transparent of her skin beneath her tears. When her cloudy eyes cleared, moments of lucidity appeared. Had she known then that those tears compare to this last cry were bliss, she perhaps would prepare herself for this last cry. But how could she?
To be continued
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