"Oh, my God, how far am I from my childhood, and how far am I still from the end of my life! How am I going to go on?"
These were the words that often came to Helen's mouth, but no one heard them, no one showed any sympathy; no one knew but Steve, the one, who was causing all these agonies! He was taking his revenge for the three years of war overseas and the war at home now that Helen was pregnant! He was happy and in control. He had finally brought this wild, beautiful woman to her knees. His revenge was calculated in the calmest manner possible. No one could see, no one could tell.
The summer of 1968 was a gruesome experience for Helen, the worst she had known yet. She was home till fall semester would begin. That was the plan; so nobody would know that she was pregnant. Steve was also home, looking for a job, and resting his body and soul from the atrocities of war, from the inner and outer wounds he had received in the last three years in Vietnam and at home, from the politics of the war, from the unwelcoming Americans and the way they treated the servicemen as if the war was their decision; never considering they they were mostly were drafted and were sent by the President of the United States to the war!
They were on each other's face and nerves the entire summer. He treated her with gentleness; however, she knew that behind that soft spoken, gentle tone of voice, it was an evil of a man who had taken his revenge on her by deciding on his own to give her baby for adoption. "No divorce, no keeping the baby!" That was his condition; otherwise he had threatened to let everybody know that what she had done while he was fighting for their country overseas!
No matter how he insisted and brought up the subject in so many different ways and times, she refused to tell him who the father of her baby was. She had many secrets, more horrific than this one, but she would keep this secret for herself for ever and into the grave!
"Oh, how far am I still must go?" In a life time, one travelled through an indefinite period of time. The horrid chasm of memory from her childhood into adulthood haunted her always. She kept having nightmares about things her father had done to her; about her mother, who had not saved her and her sister. She had nightmares of days with Roger, things he had made her to do! She had nightmares of opening Roger's safe and stealing the money! She had nightmares of when she had read in the newspaper of the murder of good- old Mark, the only true friend she had had in those horrible days! His death still terrorized her. He had lost his life to save hers! He was killed because he had helped her!
To Be Continued
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