"It is a shame that how poorly we parents know about our children and the effect our behaviors have on them. We know that through our children our souls are healed, yet we, for our own selfish need and vanity, use our children to achieve unachievable.
"I must confess I've not been a good father. Yes, I paid my child support, yes, I didn't miss my visitations; but I didn't take time to study him, to teach him, to know him, to see what he is like, to see what his fears are, what his aspirations are.
"In years, many years, after all these, each day became valuable to me and more cherished as time went by. Finally I noticed it. I began going through days and nights very happy, satisfied. You may ask how so? I don't know. It's hard for me to analyze it. I guess I wasn't waiting for my mood. I was just happy. I knew if I act happy, the good temper would come.
"When Christopher passed his teenage years, my relationship with him minimized. It was hard at the beginning, but like anything else, I got used to it. He was becoming a grown up man. He looked older than his age. It seemed to me that he just went from childhood to manhood. His teenage years were short and nasty. However, I was always aware of what he was doing. He never went to college. He got jobs that he hated and changed them like one changes underwear. He always had some kind of explanation for this attitude of his. People around him, including the bosses and coworkers were all bad, period. I don't know what came of Nancy. There came a point that I didn't care anymore. She was dead in my mind.
"Christopher got involved with bunch of vulgar and worthless people. They were like a band of brothers, did everything together, inseparable. I knew about these friends to a certain degree. I confronted him about six years ago. He was thirty one then, yes, thirty one. Perhaps you thought I am going to say he was twenty. I told him that he was with the wrong crowd; he needed to settle down. I gave him all the fatherly advices that a father could give. He laughed at me and said: 'It's too late for both of us that you're acting like a father now.' He was right. I couldn't even apologize to him for what had been stolen from him, a normal life.
"Knowing that I had not been a good father, and what had become of our lives, my life and my son's life, I completely lost my tranquility. I thought that my mind was working, but then I realized that my logic was gone. I called Nancy after all these years to discuss Christopher's behavior. Then I understood that she had not changed. She didn't care.
"Oh, what a pitiful world we live in!" Tim Got up, lit up a cigar, and sat in a different chair. He put his cigar inside his wine glass and forgot all about it. Then he continued:
"You know we can't live without love, but we can pretend that we don't need it and deny it all together. I knew how to present myself in society in an indispensable way. But I had to face my real soul, my real life, and what had become of Christopher. Then I tried to teach myself not to hate all it was happening around me. And what was happening?
"Jacob, I seem to recall that you were telling me of my lack of seriousness." Tim talked like a man who had walked into a muddy earth and sinking deeper with every step he took; yet he walked faster and faster and sank deeper and deeper.
"You see how serious I am now. What you saw as lack of my seriousness is again an illusion. You were seeing right as left and left as right in the mirror. I've always been serious. Now I'm more serious than ever, for I'm going to reveal the most dreadful secret one can have before dawn with you. But before doing that, I must go back to my son's story and the reason I'm here tonight- to face Mr. Vanity, Mr. Money Lover. I knew of what else would happen here tonight, like Rosa being your daughter, like Diana being your wife. That is why I'm determined to tell you all my secrets.
"It happened five years ago. Everything melted into the thin air without a trace. John, Christopher's friend, a couple of years younger than him, committed this despicable crime, and now Christopher has to pay for it. John's parents are very wealthy. In fact his father is one of the most prominent people in Dallas and hold a high position in government. He also involves in oil business and I know that he owns some oil wells for a big American- British company.
"Christopher and John hanged up together all the time. That night, that inauspicious night they were in this woman's house. They had a lot to drink. But I know for fact that John was very drunk. He began acting violent. My son told him that he didn't like what he was doing. He wanted them to have sex with the woman at the same time. Christopher left the woman's house. It wasn't until the next morning that John called my son and told him the horrifying news.
To Be Continued
No comments:
Post a Comment