His ambition, however, had always been security; and to him safety was only achieved by having money, a lot of money, and power which came with money. To him money and power were closely parallel things that they would never reach each other, yet one needed both so he could have each foot on both of them.
Coming from an Italian Immigrant family, he had had a very tough childhood. His parents worked very hard to feed their five children. He, being the first child, had learned at a very young age that either he had to live the same life as his parents', or do whatever it took to change it. His parents had met in America, therefore all their children were born in somewhere in State of New York. Being the first child of an immigrant family had caused his parents to expect more from him than their other children. School years were exhausting. Every afternoon, right after school, he was to be in his parents' shoe repair shop not only to learn the trade but also to help them out. They had been able after so many years of working for others to open that small shop for themselves.
Late in the evening, when Ed was in his room which he shared with his two younger brothers, he had gotten into the habit to stay up late and study. On the other hand he had no choice. That was the only time he had to study. His endeavor paid off and he finally graduated from high school as an honor student. He was given a full scholarship to go to college. That was how he was able to finish college and then he was accepted to law school. In his college years, he held many jobs, small or smaller to just pay for his living expenses. He had moved out from his parents' home at age twenty. They wanted him to stay so he would keep helping them. But he had to choose between his own future and the future of his siblings and parents. He chose the first. His parents were truly angry with him, but later on they came on board.
At age twenty three, he married this woman, ten years older than him, just for the financial support she could provide him. They had four children in six years, all girls. Ruth, his first wife, had come from a wealthy family. Her father, when he was alive, had given her and his other children what they were supposed to get after his death.
After marrying Ruth, they moved to the house that Ruth's father had given her. Finishing school now for Ed was very simple. He had the ambition, Ruth had the money. They stayed married in spite of their strange relationship. Ed truly never loved Ruth. For him it was a simple fact of convenience. For Ruth staying with Ed not only was a pure love she had for him, perhaps somewhat like a motherly love, but also was a strange dedication she felt for him. She also had this need to protect him. Simply she was an enabler, who even provided for her husband opportunities to do wrong things. She was aware of his affairs, unfaithfulness; nonetheless, she stood by his side, supported him, and remained his admirer. When Ed finished law school and passed the bar exam the first time he took it, Ruth bragged about Ed's intelligence even to her own parents. She threw a huge party for him in a very pricy hotel. She even hired a band to play music at the time of dinner and later for dancing. In the invitation, custom made, she told people that it was a formal event. She bought a beautiful, long gown for herself. She bought a tuxedo for Ed. The cost of that party perhaps would had fed a family of four for a year.
Who knows why some women, or generally speaking, some human beings act the way they do. Perhaps many women would not tolerate what Ruth endured in her joined life with Ed. She knew for fact of her husband's affairs, of his using her, and using her father's position and wealth, but somehow she did not care. She was or pretended to be happy when they were seen in society together. The way she looked at him, the way she smiled at him, the way her eyes admired him could not had been in any way false. There were many people, who questioned her simplicity, her being so naive. She heard all those; nevertheless, she did not respond, she did not care. She was there for him at all times, a true, real, dedicated wife.
She died at age sixty from a malignant lymphogranuloma. For three years, she had fought the battle with cancer. She lost a lot of weight, could not breathe without oxygen, and at the end lost the battle.
The death was a great shock to Ed. He, who truly never loved her, felt a great loss for losing his only true supporter. He definitely felt her loss from his life. He was devastated for a long time; but he got involved with women even more so. He did not date for five years, but he had many affairs. That was how he mourned his wife's death.
What more? He could not figure out why he did not care for his wife when she was alive; but after her death, he had his share of subdued tears, and that was all. It was like a weight on his heart he could share with no one in this world even with his children. Perhaps in a way, those tears which were real, were his way of showing repentance, a regret of the way he had treated her. This period was the only time in his life that he really was sad and regretful.
To Be Continued
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