"People find all kind of things amusing. Mine all these years has been how to get the next woman."
"I've been through the same thing with Rosa's mother, but I've never found it amusing to use women for the fault of one of them." Jacob waved his hand in protest. "In fact, I got married and stayed faithful."
"You're right." Tim responded with a stern look on his face. "Maybe you're a better person than I am, may be you have a better personality. I don't know. We are what we are. Some people do crime and blame it on their childhood; some with the same kind of childhood, do great things. We all are very complicated.
"You all may think how cruel I've been. You all perhaps mocking me. You may say that how many innocent people I've dong wrong only out of vengeance of my heart; and you all are convinced that I've been inhuman and everyone else has been human. I don't blame you. But all that I encountered in my life and according to you did wrong, knew it from start. In a way, they did me wrong, too. They reinforced my opinion towards women.
"I've been frightened so many times and often for my life and for the purpose of my life. I've had moments of pure terror when my logic were still working, but to no avail. Have you ever felt that terrified, the way I have? Sometimes I felt that all these terrors were just there for me so I could be able to face the inevitable. It is like knowing for certain that an earthquake is about to happen, and the earth will definitely open beneath your feet, but you have this strong desire to stay where you are, close your eyes, and wait, and wait, no matter what happens.
"What can I tell you? All I did at the beginning was not to be depressed or bored. Later each morning when I looked at the bright sunshine, I felt I was being detached. Some times when I walked, and I walked a lot, I felt I would reach the line where the sky and earth connect; I felt that there I perhaps would find a clue to the human behavior, and I would gain a new life which would be a lot more calm.
"I dreamed of a different kind of people, different kind of environment, a place full of life, a place empty of betrayal; but later I knew everything was only a mirage and I needed to find a life in the prison I lived."
"You're denying the truth." Jacob began. "Look in the mirror, see the truth about yourself. All along you knew the truth about yourself. You just didn't look at yourself in the mirror."
"No, Jacob," Tim protested: "What you see in the mirror is only a mirage. In the mirror what is right is left and what is left is right. It's all illusion. You know life's greatest tragedy is not to be loved, and that is the feeling I have had all my life. People have always mistaken me for a happy person, but I know internally how sad I am."
"But sadness is so ungrateful!" Rosa murmured.
"For whom? It's again an illusion. You don't know what people really carry beneath their happy faces. We all are sad deep inside. Try to think hard. You see what I'm saying is true.
"People take me for Mr. charming, a Casanova. What kind of person I am that I know people take me for a user. When I go to a friend's house or see people, I think here they are, taking me for a user, yet I know that I am intelligent enough to know what kind of label they put on me and they don't realize that. Then I laugh secretly at their vagueness.
To Be Continued
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