"I know how you felt. I was there with you and that is why I am scared. You're not supposed to feel like this when you're with a man for the first time; even though it felt good, I might admit." Lila's words beats Hana's brain.
"I can't help how I feel!"
"Yes, you can. Just try. I'm not saying not to see him anymore. In fact I encourage you to do. What I'm saying is to enjoy your time with him but don't get serious; we know what happens when you get serious. Just have fun. Do things you've never done, but don't get serious. I know every time you get serious, you get hurt; and when you get hurt, I get hurt, too."
"You're right; but that's going to be hard for me. I didn't know how lonely I was until last night. I don't know what to do now! You're confusing me."
Confusion, indeed fills Hana's mind for the rest of the night. The morning after, a mild Sunday in October, bewildered Hana prepares breakfast for Farhad. She tries to escape her son's stare. She is afraid by looking at his eyes, he will find out how she feels and what happened the night before. When Farhad asks her about the party, she simply lies to him:
"It was fine."
"You came home very late!" Farhad says in a very inquisitive way.
"They were playing cards and I didn't have my car and had to wait for Valery and ..."
She can not believe her lying to Farhad. She, who has always taught her sons honesty, just broke her rule; and that brings her to actualization of last night's seriousness. When the phone rings, she reluctantly answers it. Amazingly she has forgotten that Sam always calls her on Sunday mornings. Recognizing that, makes her feel so guilty that she does not know how to deal with it. When Mario calls her in the afternoon, she is so confused that no words can describe it. He wants to see her that evening.
"Do you want to go to a movie tonight?" He says.
Hana, in a state of absolute vagueness, says:
"No, I don't know. I'm not sure."
Mario understands perfectly her confusion and state of mind.
"I understand, Hana. We do it some other time. I talk to you later."
Valery also feels Hana's anxiety when she calls her to satisfy her curiosity for last night. Hana can not say much since Farhad is all ears. He senses his mother's change of aura and her ambiguity. His feeling is hurt as though someone has broken into their lives. He is sure that his mother lied to him for last night. To him, mothers are only for their children and somehow he knows a vandalism has happened the night before which may rob his property, mom, from him.
Farhad has watched his mother for the last three years since the death of his father. She has gradually changed. First, it was her going to school which he could not understand why, with all the degrees she has already had; and then it was her friendship with Valery. As long as he remembers his mother never had a friend; and now she is going to parties and coming home late. He simply does not like what he sees. Something out there is stealing this little, dedicated woman, his mother, from him. When that evening Valery and her son, John come to their home, Farhad is indeed upset. He thinks what this woman wants from them, his mom. He makes himself to believe it is Valery who has caused his mom to change. In a very aloof way, he does not greet Valery and goes to his room which can not be hidden from either woman. But how can Hana discuss that matter with her son in Valery's presence? To Valery, she says that he is still upset for what Karen did to them. To escape that awkward situation, she agrees to go for a ride with Valery and her son. "I talk to Farhad tonight." She says it to herself.
To Be Continued
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