Clear without cloud, thoughts pass. They are born yesterday and drift today. They act, live, and grow within and slowly take control as Hana feels she no more needs to lead, grasp on, or float. Furthermore, the earnest wonder and fervor mixed with anguish of her visualized passion force onto her long injured soul adrift; and she believes, as she had heard somewhere, that heart does things for reasons; the reasons that can not be understood. The sweet and warm air of her room, remote from nature, constrains her of another night without sleep, even though this time is not painful insomnia, as it has always been, but a pleasant one. She remembers her conversation with Mario without words, their empathy without touch, and their sensibility without a joint past. When she was with him, she knew what he wanted to say. She loved his speaking eyes, his hands and the smell of his cigar.
For me, however, things are different. while Hana wants to take everything seriously, I want to enjoy the life as it comes to me, not drowning in it. Should I get pleasure in a man's company, it is not for relationship or a deep seeded understating, but it is for seizing the moment. When I look at my other- half, lying in bed with open eyes, dreaming and falling for a man, whom she has seen twice, one year apart, an anger shakes me. When is she going to grow up? Hasn't she had enough troubles because of her soft heart? Why can't she enjoy life without obligation? I see that she is dreaming a long, beautiful life with Mario; and I do not know how to teach her not to become tangled seriously in everything she faces. All I can do is to try to talk to her. First she ignores me and I know why. She does not want anything to interfere with the vision of the evening. That leaves me no choice but to push her around and make her to pay attention to me.
She angrily says:
"I know what you want! You asked me to go to the party and I did. Now that you see I like him, you don't like it. You feel like your comfort zone is disturbed. What do you want from me?"
I, astonished, look at her and do not believe how much she has changed since yesterday.
"Yes, I told you to go; but I didn't tell you to fall in love."
"I am not in love. I don't know what you're talking about!"
"Don't lie to me. I know you. We're one, remember. People don't fall in love right away. Love in first sight is a stupid phrase. Just enjoy seeing him for now, but don't fall."
Hana thinks about what Lila says. She analyzes her feeling and finds out that Lila is right. Her fragile personality has been her greatest enemy. Believing in people and trusting them right away has always cost her a life of misery; nonetheless, she thinks Mario is different. He will not use or abuse her. But how can she be so sure?
To Be Continued
No comments:
Post a Comment