JUDAS KISS- Seventeen- At Last ✍ ✖ ☎ ☔

One weekend, to be exact, Saturday morning, on a cool April morning, so nice, yet windy, just a month before her first son's twenty fifth birthday, Helen got dressed early in the morning. She wore a beautiful green dress, that it was one of her

boss's design and he had given it to her for her last birthday. The dress was the color of Spring, long sleeve, almost form fitted, the length of it just in the middle of her knee! She wore a multicolor scarf which its main color was green, around her neck; then she picked up a black leather shoes with very low hill and a black designer small purse. One things that she always spent good money on was her bags. She looked at herself in the mirror. She was still a beautiful woman. There were some streaks of gray hair amongst her blond hair, but they were barely noticeable. Her figure still turned heads. She did not want to be too dressed up, yet she did not want wear jeans and a shirt, her normal outfit for weekends! She thought that she had succeeded to look nice, yet modest. She wore her hair in a pony tail and then twisted it to a bun. She wore very little make up, almost unnoticeable! She looked at herself in the long mirror of her bathroom once more, and at last left the her apartment.

She drove her car, a new model BMW, that she had used the money from the little black bag, to buy it. There was very little money left there. But it did not worry her at all. Now she had a career, and she could live a normal life without depending on that blood money, like normal people!

Anonymously, before buying her car, she had put an envelope in the male box of poor Marks' house one late night, with $100,000 on it. No note or any hand written thing anywhere in the envelop except the money. On the envelop, she typed in, "Please don't search for the sender of this money! This is for Mark's family! It's nothing compare to him losing his life!"

She drove to Highland Park area. The memory of the days that she had lived with Roger in that area rushed back to her as an unwanted flood. In fact she passed Roger's house, the torture chamber that she had lived in at such a young age between sixteen and eighteen. She had not been in these area since the day that she opened the safe and ran. Memories of Mark rushed back to her like a nightmare. If the poor man had not helped her, she had never been able to escape from the paws of Roger. Perhaps he had used her, made her to do drugs, perhaps she had come with some disease! " Oh, poor Mark, you lost your life to save mine!" Tears gathered in her eyes. She almost wanted to stop, but she continued driving.

The house she was looking for, was not very far from this doomed one! "Am I paying for my miserable life because of Mark?" She questioned herself! This house that she was searching for was the house that her first born was raised. It was in the richest area of Dallas. It looked a beautiful house from outside. This was the house of the man and woman, who had adopted his first born, the son she had with Jacob. "How I've been able to hide this from Steve and even Jacob?" She murmured. " Did I have any right not to tell Jacob that he had a son with me?" She thought to herself.

She parked her car in the street, not exactly in front of the house but a little further down the street. She hesitated in the car for awhile! Should she or should she not? But when she thought of her son, whom she did not know anything about him, not even his name, she was not sure if what she was doing was the right thing! " Knock knock, I am your son's mother! I am here after almost twenty five years to destroy your life!" She thought to herself. "Does he know that he is adopted?"

She did not know anything about him; how he was raised, how he was educated, how nurturing his adopted parents were to him, how ...? She started her car to o back home; but again she thought hard and deep:

"If I don't do it now, I never will!!"

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Sixteen- The Agreement ✺ ☏ ☗ ☘

Days, weeks, months, and years came and then they disappeared as though they never existed. One day Helen realized that she was forty years old. She was still a very attractive woman; she had gained a little weight which was not bad at all since in her thirties she

had been much too thin. The maturity brought up all her beauty, in and out, to the surface. Even Steve would sometimes tell her:

"You turn heads. You get so damn prettier everyday. I've been hooked on to you for this one reason all these years!"

Steve still would not let her to work. This was a puzzling thing for her. The only thing she could think of was that perhaps Steve thought the man who fathered her first born, was someone from work! She knew as time passed, finding a job as a teacher, which she loved, would become harder for her, someone who had taught only three semesters in her twenties; yet she knew that there was always other positions which she could get hired for. She always looked at Sunday Papers for jobs; even though she knew as long as she was married to Steve, it would never happen!!

Elizabeth now was a spoiled thirteen years old teenager, who looked much older than her age. She was totally daddy's girl now. Steve let her do what she wanted. Helen did not approve of the way she dressed, short skirt, open neck, ... She wore make up, like a woman. Mother and daughter fought all the time. Helen had transferred all her fights and agers with Steve to fights with Elizabeth. Steve always defended Elizabeth even though deep inside she knew that Helen was right!

Christopher was ten years old. He was hers, always hers! He was her life. Nonetheless, she had no idea few years into the future, the influence of some bad friends, and knowing how miserable her mother was, would change her Chris, that he would drop off from school, that he would make a mess out of his life!

Steve still had the same schedule; three or four days work, and the rest of the week off. On his days off, he still went to bars and got drunk. During the last ten years, Helen was certain, that he always had had a girlfriend, a one night stand, a mistress, short affairs, or long affairs! But she did not care! She did not care for anything but her son, Chris, and her son with Jacob, whom she did not know anything about his whereabouts, or his adoptive parents. He was fourteen now. Oh, how much Helen wanted to know him, to see him, to touch him! But she knew what she wanted and wished for was impossible!

All these years, she had not figured out the combination of the safe that Steve kept all the legal adoption document there. Not once he made the mistake that Roger had made!

The old headaches were back with vengeance. The doctor told her that his best guess was stress and migraine. She never told the doctor how Steve had made her life miserable because of the birth of her first son. She never told him that she wished he divorced her and left her to find peace at last!!

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Fifteen- Never Again ☃ ☀ ✔ ✪

Helen began cleaning the disarray children had left behind. Steve entered the room.

"I think they all had a good time, don't you? I made sure all children to win a prize!"

She shook her head as a sign of agreeing with him.

"So what do you think of Melisa?"

Helen paused for a moment. "Why is he asking me about her?" But she knew she could not cause any suspicion. She had to answer him as if everything was normal:

"I liked her. She's very nice. Her daughter goes to the same school as our Elizabeth goes!"

"I know!" Steve said while wanting to leave the room. "It's a strange and small world!"

Helen, who was debating to ask a question, finally gathered all her courage and before Steve was able to leave the room, asked:

"So, her husband was John's lawyer? How did you find them?"

He laughed out loud"

"Actually they found us. I guess they know about all accidents and police reports. They gave John a deal that we couldn't resist!"

So, she was right! These were all Mr. Holland's plan. However she was still perplexed about the reason that Jacob was invited and the reason that he had accepted the invitation. Again, she collected all her nerve and said:

"How come you invited them? You perhaps don't know them much. He is John's lawyer!"

"You're right. Actually, he almost invited himself. . He from the very beginning said that he liked me a lot. He wanted to invite us to his house. So I brought up Chris's birthday. He just simply said: 'Why don't you invite us?' so I did!"

"How strange!" She said and continued her cleaning the room. Steve left. Everything that she had guessed was correct. The only thing that she still did not know, was how this evening would end!?

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Fourteen- Unending Tears ☼ ✉ ✍ ☂

"I thought you never call!?" Helen said.

"Well, I came instead!"

"I took Chris to the neighbor's House." She said and then continued as if complaining:

"How did you know where I live?"

"I've been

following you for a

long time. I know all about you and your husband, his work and his piloting!

"Oh, that! I thought I never hear from you!" She repeated herself. A hot passion of tenderness filled Jacob's heart. He walked to her; made her to stop walking up and down the room and fixing things and picking up her children toys which were scattered all over. He held her; looked into her eyes deep and long. There was something new in her eyes he had not seen before. Oh. so delicate in their glowing wonder and fear. He put his arms around her. She hid her face inside his chest.

It was finally peace, just simple serenity. The old, abhorrent world of tension had gone away at last! His soul and mind were finally at ease and peace. Her fear was lifted and was replaced by high spirit. What she craved for was the light in the darkness made by enfolding arms of Jacob, the silence that was not solitude but it was compassion holding its breath!

"My love!" She cried, lifting her face and looking with frightened, yet gentle wonder of bliss to his face.

Was it real? But his eyes were telling, her eyes were beautiful and soft. They both were without stress or excitement. They were smiling inwardly; smiling with each other and at each other. She hid her face into his shoulder. His heart palpitated. He could see her completely! She knew he loved her and that unnerved her. He knew that she loved him and that pleased him.

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- THIRTEEN- Lost in Thoughts ☯ ☫ ☤ ~

Helen thought about going back to work! She contemplated no matter how Steve responded and tried to stop her, she would do it! She yearned to work. Work would become her salvation! She figured that in a little while Elizabeth would be four years old, meant that she would go to prekindergarten in late August. Chris was already one year old, meant by the time that Elizabeth would begin her school, he would be one and half. Surely she could use one or more of their neighbors from their neighborhood group to babysit Chris. After all she had babysat their children for different reason for the last two years more than any other neighbor! She considered if she would only teach two or three courses, that would be only half a day work.

However darkness had fallen over everything she knew or touched. She had two beautiful children, a exquisite home, a very handsome and successful husband in other women's eyes, yet she was in so dire misery, in so much darkness! If she would write a story about her life, people would think that it was just a story not an autobiography!

But just because of this seclusion and isolation, she felt that the only hope which could guide her through the blind obscurity was a profession! She needed to work and she longed to clutch to it and to cling to it with all aptitude she could glean!

She made up her mind to talk to Steve when he came home and to discuss her desire for going back to work without any fear or weakness. If she could be as unafraid as she had been at the beginning of their marriage, everything would work!

The human resources of the college she had taught only three semesters had already given her okay for hiring her back. They really liked her. The students she had had, still talked about her.

Steve came home Wednesday night. She never knew when he would arrive! Sometimes he came Wednesday night, sometime Thursday morning. He used to call her and let her know; but lately he neither called her during his working days, nor called her to let her know when he was coming home. A few times that Helen tried to call him, he did not answer her messages.

Helen thought to herself: "What's going on with him? Is he finally getting tired of

me?" He had always told her that he was in love with her even when they fought. A suspicion began forming in her soul! Suddenly she became distrustful and wary of his recent behavior! He always cared and because of that, they always fought. Now it looked like that he did not care. They did not fight much except when he was drunk and took her without her consent!!

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Eleven- Home, Sweet Home ☗ ✔ ☁ ☗

With Steve, everything was direct and ugly. Old days that they fought constantly, were Helen's

good days. Now to her, she was a common man, a coarse man, like her own father. For the first time she felt the influence of Jacob in her life, the way he had influenced her and treated her like a woman not a toy and because of that had changed her life! She kept recalling the episode in front of the grocery store. She kept making up scenarios in case they saw or talked with each other again, what would it be like? But they did not! All these were just illusions?

The abhorrence of feeling in her was too strong to be called anything! It was an uproar with the terrible strain of nights and the mornings after which made a combative pain; she could only understand that this would be so dramatic when or if she would gain her old bravery to feel it!!

No person who looked from outside to their lives, would not be happy to change place with them! Only if Helen could talk to them the true happenings of what really happened behind their walls and windows. Elizabeth was growing fast right in front of her eyes! She looked so much like Steve. Now that she was not hungry anymore, she was a chubby baby with double chin, big cheeks; her arms and hands and legs were fat with rolls and rolls of baby fat on them. She was a beautiful little girl since her father was a really handsome man and her mother was a beautiful woman according to everyone. The color of her hair was light brown; not blond like Helen and not black like Steve; her eyes were hazel color, again right in between the two of them. She was so happy to see her father when he came home on Wednesday night or Thursday morning; even though it was her mother, who was with her constantly and took care of her. The first word she learned was not Mama but it was Dada. Helen almost did not care; but deep in her layers of her emotions, she did care.

"How is it that I am the one that feed her hungry stomach all the time, and take care of her, and stay with her all the time, but she laughs and does her baby talk when she sees her dad?"

Elizabeth was truly in love with her dad. Steve was truly in love with his little girl. Although the father and daughter did not see each other half of the week, Elizabeth never forgot her dad. The expression "daddy's little girl" was a perfect phrase for them. The minute Elizabeth heard Steve's footstep, or his voice calling her while opening the door, she began laughing and moving her arms and legs in a way that Helen had never seen her to do them for her!!

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Ten- Beastly Old Days ☗ ☗ ☘ ☯

The thought of the monotonous succession of days and nights made her heart to palpitate with true advance of this passing of time, like a tick tack of the clock. This Nerve racking closeness with Steve for someone like her that had been alone for the last three years was too difficult to contemplate! The eternal repetition of hours, days, ... Oh, God ... They were so awful! There was no escape from them, no escape at all! All she looked at was the same and yet changed. Since the birth of the baby on May twenty seventh to the day that she went back to work at the end of august, she thought numerous time to end her life! She wished that Steve fought with her, or left home for a few hours; but no, he did not fight, he did not leave the house except when he had job interviews. She could not even cry since he was home and questioned her: "Why are you crying?" She had never seen herself this weak; but for some unknown reason, she had lost that wild nature, the one, who was ready to fight, who enjoyed to fight!

Steve found a job towards the end of summer. He really got what he wanted! A very reputable airline hired him as a pilot, the first officer for their overseas flight. He was very lucky that he was beginning as a very high rank pilot for his first job after military! He even got the route he wanted, to fly to Western Europe. He did some piloting for a few times before he was hired. It was a long process of hiring, but he finally got what he wanted. Helen was tired of listening to his gloating about himself. However she had lost her will to tell him, "Stop it, enough of bragging!" She wished he could start right away so she could have some time alone before she had to go to work; but that was not the case. He was starting around Thanksgiving.

Helen had lost her desire for love making after the birth of the baby. She was not the same sexy Helen anymore. She did not and could not enjoy love making anymore! Steve knew this. He had guessed it; therefore, there was not a day in this period of time that they were home together at home, in this summer of horror for Helen, that he did not approach her for sex; some days more than once. He prolonged it since he knew this way he was hurting her and she could not or would not utter a word, because if she did, then he would say: "Oh, I'm not good enough for you any more." Or: "Are you thinking about your boyfriend?"

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- NINE- HEREAFTER ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔

When they were finally in bed, he immersed himself in her body and began kissing her. His hand moved up and down her body ; then he began talking again. She put her hand on his

mouth: "Hush, enough!" She wanted him to find out about her pregnancy now. His hand moved up and down her body. Her breath was labored. She was whispering some prayers that she had learned in Sunday School when she was a child. She was praying for God's help! Suddenly his hand stopped moving on her stomach. He was silent for a a few deadly moments; and then he sat up and put the light on. He looked at her naked body.

Are you ...?" He could not finish his sentence.

She thought that she had to get it over with no matter the consequences. No speeches, no explanations, no lies.

"Yes, I am pregnant, five months!"

Steve got up from bed. He put his clothes on and left the house. He did not show any emotion. She could not read anything in his stoic face. She knew he would return. He needed her too much to go for ever, to leave her!

She took a shower and dressed up. Sleep was now a far mirage. She went to the kitchen and made coffee. He had taken her car. He yet to buy a car for himself. He just had returned the day before. Helen sat on the recliner chair with the cup of coffee in her hand. She wished she could smoke a cigarette, but she knew that was not good for the baby!

Steve drove without knowing where to go, what to do! In a way he regretted that he had left the home; but now it was too late. He needed to stay out at least for the night now that he done the inevitable. He did not return till the next day around noon. He never said where he had been or whether he had slept the night before or not. There was no smell of alcohol, so Helen knew that he had not gone to a bar for drinking!

The college that Helen worked was not opened yet. There was some construction going on there that had to do with safety issue. Therefore the administration had decided to open the college on first of February, when the remodeling and construction would come to end or almost to end. Because of this delay of opening the college, they had decided to delay ending the semester to make up for the lost time and this interruption.

Helen did not want anyone at college to know that she was pregnant since everyone knew that her husband was in Vietnam. She had taken the Spring semester off completely. According to the doctor, her baby was due towards the end of May. She wrote in her letter to the Human resources and also a copy to the administration, that she would like to take the Spring Semester off to be with her husband, who was returning from Vietnam. They all believed her. They all thought to themselves that what a faithful and beautiful wife she was! She was given the leave of absence without pay. Even though she was a new teacher and had not yet had her tenure. They promised her that her career was not in danger. "We need good teachers like you." Every one in college loved her. They loved her quiet manner, her dignity, her unobtrusiveness, her humility, her modesty, and her humbleness. No one knew that all these were played by a great actress as she was; so no one could know her past, or find out that she was pregnant. Up to the time that fall semester ended before Christmas, she was not showing at all, and the way she always dressed to show how unassuming she was, helped her so people would not talk behind her back. "How come Helen always dress up like students, big shirts, or sweaters and jeans?"

To Be Continued

Judas KISS- Seven- Going Rogue ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

All of a sudden Jacob stood up. He took the glass of

martini fromz Helen's hand and put it on the table, as if he knew her agony. Then he hugged her; both his arms around her neck, kissing her on her head, shoulder, face, cheeks, everywhere but her lips; and saying unfathomable things! She could not hear him because of so much noise; however tears flowing down her cheek! People in the entire hotel lobby, where they were gathered to celebrate the New Year Eve's party of 1967, all stood up and began clapping, screaming, so much so that music stopped. Finally when the excitement of people subsided and the place took its former, usual, boring aura, Helen heard Jacob while she was still in his arms:

"Oh, my God, It is you Helen! Where have you been?"

"I was about to leave! You finally recognized me!"

At this point, she also wrapped her arms around him. Jacob's companions were all astonished; they were all envious! Who was this woman?

"Oh, my God, what have you done to your hair? I like it though!" He laughed, his eyes laughed. He turned to his friends:

"This is Helen, a very old friend from my home town!"

His friends all stood up and shook hand with her. After all these ceremonial greeting ended, Jacob said:

"Won't you sit with us?"

She suddenly felt tormented and oppressed! However she tried to hide her feeling of disappointment with a derisive smile!

"Don't you want to sit with me? We have a lot to catch up for all these years we haven't seen each other! I think your friends will be bored with us!"

Jacob's friend all laughed at cleverness of this beautiful woman and said:

"Go, Go Jacob with your friend. She wants to talk to you not to us!"

Jacob picked up his tuxedo jacket and put it on. As they were walking away, Helen stopped and turned around and went back to the table. She picked up her martini from the table, gave an expansive smile to Jacob's friend!

"They charge too much for a drink!" She said and walked back towards Jacob, who was looking at her with astonishment. She had a hard time to handle her long dress, high heels, her glass of martini. Jacob noticed all of these. He took her martini from her hand. She held on to his arm.

They walked to a dark corner seat underneath the stairs. It was not very far from bar. A waiter, who had witnessed all that happened, caught up with them:

"I saw what happened. My manger said your first drink is free. I'll be your waiter!"

Helen and Jacob looked at each other and laughed.

"Which table do you like" I assume that table in the corner!" The waiter said.

That was what exactly what Helen had in mind.

"Yes, How did you know?"

The waiter knew that he would have a hefty tip from these two that night. He walked ahead of them to clean the table.

They followed him. The seat was a leather love seat with a short round, cocktail table in front of it. There was a bowl of nuts on the table. The waiter delayed his cleaning the table that was not dirty at all!

"What would you like to drink? I told you your first drink is on the house!!"

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Six- Lost Friend ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔

When Steve came in January of 1967 for his second leave for R and R from Air force, he was a changed man. He looked tan, handsome; he had lost a lot of weight, but his body was all muscles. Every woman in street looked at him, and perhaps wanted him. Helen's neighbors craved this good looking man.

He found almost Helen happy, yet deep, deep inside her grayish blue eyes he could see some sadness, some kind of mystery, too!

"What is it now? You must be happy that you've finished college and even found a job! I know what is wrong? All of a sudden you have nothing to do! You're bored! May be we just don't wait until I come home for good and start a family. I think now it's time to do it!"

Fight began right away. Now he had become tough and rigid. He had also changed, not for better but for worse. He was not the same Steve of the beginning of their marriage that worshipped her no matter what she did to him. He thought that tact of toughness he tried with her, worked with her. After all if he could run his unit with all the men with different personality, from different part of the country without any problem, why couldn't he take control of his personal life with this woman , whom he had fallen in love with and still loved her? He almost ordered her this time that when he would return next time, she had to be in a better and bigger apartment!

"You must! You must be ready to have a family or I divorce you!"

This was the first time in their two years marraige that he acted forcefuly with her. But she was not a type of a woman to just listen to a macho soldier, even though he was her husband, and to back off!

One of his complain was that why she had cut her hair and colored it brown!

"Did you do it to hurt me? I liked your natural blond and long hair. It matched your eyes. Why, why did you do it? Did you do it to hurt me?"

Helen was outrageous. She did not want to tell him in order for her to socialize, she had to change her appearance; that she was frightened that out of bad luck to face one of Roger's clients one day, and to be recognized by him! Instead she began a fight about her freedom, about that he acted old fashioned, that he wanted her to be like his mother, ...

"What is the matter with you? Do you want me to call you all the way to Vietnam, if I can find you, and ask your permission about anything I do? You knew what kind of woman I was! Why did you marry me? I just can't tolerate this! You want to divorce me next year; I want a divorce now! Do you think I am one of your soldeirs? No one can boss me around! Forget about these two years! Think it never happened. I am not your type! I truly want a divorce!"

How quickly Steve backed up from being a commander! The word divorce, which he had said it first to scare her off, was too much for him to bear. He saw the seriousness in her tone of voice, eyes, and attitude! He knew it was crazy to love a woman this much while she did not care for him. He ended up to appolgize. The rest of his stay was almost peaceful. Their nights together was still wonderful. For him, the hot blooded, hungry American soldeir, it was something beyond this world! She would become a different person at night! It was their love making that made him to tolarete their day time's fight. He could not wait for night to arrive or to end!

The day before he left after twenty days, he went to see his parents alone.

"Helen had a job interview." That is how he answered his parents' inquiry about his wife!

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Four- Men's Comfort ☗ ☗ ☗

Helen was so pleased with the librarian's kindness. They had many books for different businesses, apartments for rent, houses for rent or sale, real estate agencies, and many more. A lot of them had pictures of the houses or apartments. She picked up one of each and left the library. It was noon now. She was hot, hungry, thirsty, and afraid. She sat on one of the park benches under the shade of a tree looking at the apartments in the book. It was so wonderful that they had more than just picture; they had the size, the price, the amount of deposit... and everything that she needed to know about the apartments. She began marking some of them.

☗

One week later, she was settled in a one bedroom apartment on Mimosa Road in Richardson. She paid cash for the first month rent and deposit. But the manager of the apartment told her that she needed to open a bank account. She asked Helen for three references. Helen told half lie and half truth:

"I'm from Chicago. Just came here to go to school. I don't know anyone here yet. So you had to go without references; unless you want someone from Chicago."

She wrote names of her two cousins and an aunt as references. She did not remember their numbers or addresses. She kind of guessed that they would never contact those people; so she wrote phony numbers and told them that she did not remember their addresses.

She did not lie about her identity. She thought about it, but with false identity, she could not open a bank account or get a driver licence. She was just happy to have a place to live. She had spent the last five days in a hotel. Having her own place was like moving from hell to heaven. She still did not know how much money she had. When she opened a bank account in a bank not very far from her apartment, she only deposited one thousand dollars. The rest of the money stayed in her little, black bag, which she took it with her anywhere she went.

She bought some modest furniture and filled up her small place. Everyday she bought a newspaper. She kind of expected to read something about Roger or Mark. So far she had not heard a thing. On day eleventh of her running away from Roger's home, she knew that she would never hear from him again. That evening as she was watching the local news on television, she suddenly jumped from her seat with a big scream:

"Oh, my God...!!!"

To be continued

Judas Kiss- Three- Ruby ✭ ✭ ✭

Their next major stop was Memphis, Tennessee. They had heard a lot about Memphis, the house of the

king of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley. The driver of the bus stopped for dinner in a parking lot of a restaurant. Again Jacob and Helen knew the deal the driver had With he owner of the restaurant. He even announced before he stopped the bus that the restaurant is a very good place for dinner and the prices were reasonable. They had no breakfast and a very small lunch, not enough to hold them down until they would get to their final destination. Now they knew it would be Dallas, Texas. Jacob said:

"Let's go and eat something!"

Helen's answer was no again even though her growling stomach said a different thing. They bought two burgers with french fries. They ate it sitting in the bus. They both seemed much happier, more alert with full stomach; however both were thinking the same thing: "What are we going to do?"

Helen pondered over that she had no feeling for Jacob. The only reason he was her boyfriend was because of his willingness to runaway with her and because he was generally a very decent young man. A few times he had tried to kiss her, but she had stopped her. He listened to her and obeyed everything she said or asked of him. She hated herself for this! She was giving a false hope to a boy, who had had a miserable life; but on the other hand, she thought: "I didn't force him to come with me!"

When they were finally in Dallas, they left the bus station with their two small bags. They felt lost in a big city with no aim, no money, no friend, or relative. The weather was so different than Chicago that they took their sweaters off and stuffed it into their bags. Jacob had a tee shirt on under his sweater and Helen had a blouse on. They began walking in the warm morning of Dallas to nowhere. They did not know where they were going, or what their plan was! As they were walking aimlessly to nowhere on the warm Tuesday morning of the early spring, they passed a Safeway grocery store.

"I think I saw a sign of Help Wanted on the door!" Jacob held Helen's hand and brought her to stop.

"Oh, let's go inside and find out!" She said joyfully.

They both got a job that morning. Jacob would work in the storage room so when the trucks came , he and couple of other young men would load and unload the goods from trucks, and then would open the boxes to distribute the merchandises to the right place. Helen would work inside the store as some one to put the merchandises on the shelves and put the prices on them with a hand machine. The manager of the store liked Helen's look right away and thought that in a few months she would work in the front. He told himself: "What a beautiful girl!"

But when it came to filling up the application and information about places of their birth, where they lived, and .... They both were horrified. They had no references, no addresses, no guardian, or parents that they would want to mention! The manger listened to their stories. He saw the stub of their bus thickets that they just had arrived from Chicago. He saw their small bags of clothing. For some reason, unknown to them, he believed their stories of running away from evil parents. He truly felt sorry for them.

"There is a shelter not very far from here. A church runs it. Go after work there. They feed you. They let you to use their facilities and shower. I don't know about sleeping arrangement. I guess you can sleep in the church.

☖ ☖ ☖

To Be Continued

"JUDAS KISS" - One- Lucky Helen ✪ ✪

When they lowered her father's casket into the depth of the earth, Helen was thinking about the discussion they had had only a few months before his death. She wanted her father to confess to what he had done to her and her sister. She had tried it with her mother many times; but each time she accused her of lying. She took a weekend and went to Chicago. Her parents still lived in the same house that she was raised. This trip was unannounced! She rang the bell. Her mother opened the door. The unhappiness of seeing her daughter behind the door glared in her face.

"Oh, it's you! you didn't call?!"

"No, mom, I didn't. I won't stay long. I must talk to dad!"

"Not again! Why don't you let go of all these lies you've made and even influenced Charlotte to say the same thing?!"

"Mom, you know I'm not lying. Let me just come in. I'll leave tonight. I won't be long! Aren't you at least happy to see me after all these time?"

She saw her dad coming down the stairs.

"What is all these noises?" He still had the same tone of voice as if aging had never affected him. His voice was exactly as it was when he was purring love words on her ears eons ago.

"Helen is here." Mother said in an abrupt, incisive intonation. She stepped back so Helen could come inside. She did not have any suitcase or bag with her.

"She is not staying long. She is here for the same old stuff!" Mother said with a derisive smile in the corner of her lips.

Helen helped herself and sat on the old love seat they had had since she was a little girl.

It was a cold wintery days. As usual wind was whistling. Snow had fallen the night before and it was expected more bad weather to come. Mother went to the kitchen. It was late in the morning. The house felt cold, damp, and old like its occupants. Dad sat across from her, putting one leg under the other. He had had a bad back for a long time. He always said that sitting this way helped to ease the pain in his back.

"So, how you're doing? How are your kids?" He said it in a way as though he was saying : "What the hell are you doing here?"

"We're all fine! I'm here dad, for the last time. I want you dad, for the sake of my sanity, once and for all confess to what you did to Charlotte and me! My therapist tells me that your confession will help me to heal! I..."

At this point mother came to the room.

"What are you guys are talking about?" Her head jerked furiously.

"The same old stuff that she doesn't let go off! She's come all the way here to get a confession from me! can you believe that?"

"Oh, my lord!" Mother said frowning slightly, and then continued:

"Why are you making up all these stories? Why don't you leave us alone?"

"Mom, you know it, too. You saw it many times. You just went along with it because you didn't know what to do, how to live on your own?! What kind of mother are you? I know you saw it more than once; and then ran out of the room!"

"You just stop it now! leave us!" mother showed her exasperation in a way that Helen had never seen.

"No, I won't leave until he tells me what he'd done to Charlotte and me!"

"I've never done anything to you two. You're just crazy. You're making all these things up. Look at Charlotte, four marriages, five kids, now I heard she is doing drugs and stuff. And you no better than her. Do you want to tell me these are all our faults?! You two are just awful and embarrassing to us!"

On the way back home that evening. Helen thought that she would never get a confession from her father or mother!

Watching they threw dirt on her father's casket, put an end to all these! Now coming back from burying her mother, the affliction of her childhood would stay unsolved for ever. How such a suffering could end now?

✍

To be continued

UNFULFILLED- Nineteen-☫☫☫☫ The Birth

...that came to a play and left without any trace."

Ariana was not sure if the the phone call of the night before was the right thing she had done. She felt so detached from hope, and felt so miserable that began regretting to had made that call. Heartache crowded her mind. "Why isn't she here?" She kept asking herself. " After all these years, now she is so late! I guess my dad was right that she doesn't care for anything but her poetry."

She finally raised her head, where it was between her legs, looked sadly at Roya and said:

"She won't come. She is so phony! my dad is right! how I hurt my mom and dad for this!"

"Come on Ariana! I was also listening last night to your conversation with her. She fainted when she found out it was you on the phone... Don't be like your dad."

"Yes, she fainted; but maybe later she decided if she had lived without me for nineteen tears, she can do it for the rest of her life! But, look, it is two hours has passed from the time she was supposed to be here...I am sure my father is right; she chose her poetry, or as she says in her interviews "my art", over me!"

Roya tried to comfort her friend with her soothing voice, while lighted two cigarettes at the same time and gave one to Ariana:

"You know what is going on in the streets. May be she is stuck somewhere! maybe..."

Ariana had thought about it herself; yet it was hard for her to swallow her mother being late after nineteen years. Her friend found an excuse and left the room momentarily. She went downstairs to call Neda's home. Kasra answered the phone.

"You don't know me! I'm a friend of Ariana..."

Before she was able to continue, Kasra cut her off:

"I wanted to call myself, but she had not left your telephone number for me. She left home four hours ago. You mean to tell me she is not there yet!?"

Roya, all shaken, sighed: "Not yet!"

Kasra ran to the alley and then to the streets. He saw people, he saw the revolutionaries, he saw the crowded streets, He smelled the odor that Neda had smelled. He saw the tanks, trucks, the weapons. He saw the burning, the destruction; the setting fire the cars, trash, tires, even buildings. He saw bloody people, some with superficial wounds, some much deeper; He saw the trace of Neda. "No car can drive in this!" He told himself.

Suddenly he noticed Neda, blue Fiat in a very narrow street. He ran. He touched the hood of the car. It was cold. It was obvious that she had parked the car there a long time ago. He noticed the damages done to both sides of the car. Some one had punctured all four tires and then slashed them. "Why, why the destruction? " He began running again into the main street, right into the middle of the crowd, stepping on people, not noticing all the women with their babies in their arms and toddlers hands in their hands, pulling them, pushing others. They all wanted a piece of this pie! The same man with Uzi, who had talked to Neda said something to him; he did not hear. The crowd was thickening as he tried to find a way to go ahead. The other side walk that a few hours ago was Neda's hope to reach since it had had less crowd in it, now was filled with people. There was no place to go, nothing to do. The odor, the smell, the heat of the bodies, the children, who were left behind and crying! he saw a few of them bloody on the ground being smashed under the feet of this wild bunch. No one cared to pick them up. No one cared to look for their parents. He saw dead people! So much blood, so much odor, so many machines, so many weapons, so many men wearing military fatigues. It appeared that somebody with a hand microphone was speaking only a little ahead. It seemed all the action was there, a speech, a lecture about how bad the Shah was and how this backward religion was going to come and rescue people from evil and sin ;and give them money, food, and work, to make women cover their hair, to have men wear beard; and all these people, that had lost their mind, specially women with their children, were trying to reach where the man at the top of a big military car was talking with his hand microphone. So Kasra decided to aim at where everyone was going, to where the action was; where the bearded man was talking.

☏

Roya returned to her room. Ariana was still sitting on the floor in the same position she had left her. The spirit of mother and daughter haunted Roya with a sudden flashes of the picture of Revolution; and a lonely journey of a mother to see her daughter amongst them. She began to cry. Ariana raised her head and looked at her friend. Her eyes were brimming with tears.

"She left home four hours ago!" Roya said factually.

"So you went to call!?"

"Yes, I did not want to tell you. I don't want you to blame her now that you'd found her. How do you know the story your mom and dad told you is true? How do you know that your real mom was not searching for you? We don't know what they did. Her name is not even in your birth certificate. If they were able to do all these illegal things, we don't know what else they have done. I've always had my suspicion. You don't look like them or act like them. Just don't doubt her until your hear her side. There is something so wrong with all of this!"

To Be Continued