JuDAS KISS- Eleven- Home, Sweet Home ☗ ✔ ☁ ☗ ☖ ✗

They moved to the home slowly. It took them two months to be settled completely in their own home. It was, however, organized and

decorated for Elizabeth's first birthday. Steve wanted to have a very elaborate birthday party for her. So he did. He decided on almost everything without consulting with Helen; from the list of the guests, to the kind of foods, to the cake and decoration on it. He hired a caterer for both afternoon party for the children and the evening party for adults. It was a combination of a birthday party and an open house. His parents, sisters, and one brother with their spouses and children all came. All the guests were his friends or related to him. Helen did not have anyone to invite. She though about inviting some of her old friends from college but Steve said no:

"You have nothing to do with those people anymore. It is not necessary."

Helen got to meet many people she did not know they even existed in her husband's life. It was the first time some of his family members saw Helen and Elizabeth! They all admired Helen's beauty. He had bought a dress for her for this event without even taking her with him shopping. This dress was for the evening party. It was a hot red long, fitted dress, all beaded, and strapless. It showed Helen's beautiful figure. It had a long slit at the left side of the skirt that almost came to the top of her thigh. Helen took the dress to a tailor to hem it since it was too long.

"I like to bring the slit lower; and use the extra fabric from hem to put some straps. This dress is so revealing!"

Steve looked at her with his hateful eyes and said:

"That is why I bought it. Don't you dare to change the style of it. It shows the real you; the woman who had sex with another man while I was dodging bullets and serving our country."

Helen almost cried when she put the dress on. He told her that she must wear her hair down. Her hair now was long again with the natural luster and shine that it always had. He forced her to wear heavy make up.

"Oh, my God, what is he doing to me? He really wants to show me as a whore!" Of course, these words never left her lips!

The party was a success. All his friends and family liked Helen in spite of the fact that his plan was to show her as a loose woman. It was not her dress or make up that made them to like her, but it was her natural way of speaking and acting which showed an educated, decent wife and mother, that made all Steve's friends and family to adore her. Steve plan of showing her as a bad woman, did not work; in fact it worked the opposite of what he had planned.

The house had four bedrooms, two living rooms, a big dinning room, and a breakfast room which was attached to the bright, and big kitchen. They had a big yard with pool, lots of trees and flowers. Steve's schedule was still the same, three to four days of work and the rest of the week, at home. Helen tried to get over her hurt of the way Steve had bought the house; and began decorating the house the way she liked. She forced herself to like the house; after all it was a beautiful home in a good location. She enjoyed the pool the days that Steve was not home.

Elizabeth was much calmer now in this house, as though she knew that her dad had bought the house for her comfort. Nonetheless, Helen still loved her first child, the son of Jacob, a son that she had never even had a glimpse of. He was the son of a man she loved! The tragedy of giving her son for adoption without even having a glimpse on him, weighted on her heart all the loves that were never satisfied, like love of her mother, father, a man, and ...!

She lived in a beautiful home with a husband, who had been a veteran, who was a pilot, with a beautiful daughter. Now Steve was socializing every weekend with friends and families. They were six families; therefore, every six weeks the party was in their house. He was forcing her to act as a happy wife and mother. She was the cause of envy for the other five women in these parties! But she envied all of them. She desired Jacob, Jacob only, and their son together!!

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Eleven- Home, Sweet Home ☗ ✔ ☁ ☗ ☖

Before Elizabeth's first birthday, they bought a house in North Dallas in a very good location and neighborhood. The house was on Inwood road, a little south of Walnut Hill Street. Steve used the excuse of the baby, and went alone

house shopping. He never took Helen with him to look at the houses with the real state agent. He never even told her that he was looking for a house. He picked up the house himself without Helen even seeing it. The lady, who was his agent, questioned him:

"Don't you want your wife to see the house before you put a deposit on?"

He laughed before getting into the car and answered her:

"She'll see it soon. We have a small child. It is hard with the baby to drive around the town to find the right house!!"

So Helen never saw the house until the day that they closed it after three weeks that he had already put the deposit on. Because of the community property law in Texas, he had almost no choice but to buy the house in both of their names. After they were done with the signing all the paper works, Helen still was not sure that how much he had put down, or how much their monthly payment would be, or what the house cost! He had arranged everything before he took her to the title company for signing. All Helen had to do, just sign and put her initials in places that they showed her.

After they finished in the title company and got the key of the house, Steve took her to the house they just had bought. They walked around in every room, and every closet. Steve almost played the role of a real state agent and told Helen about different area, the age of the house; he showed her a hidden area under the floor of master bedroom closet for hiding valuables!

She had a hard time to keep her tears from falling down her face. She was so offended of the way they had become homeowners that she was completely speechless to admire the beautiful house Steve had bought. She could not say to her husband:

"I really can't bear you; I despise you for the things you do, for the things you're proud of, that conceited part of you, your egotism, your highly strong- idiosyncrasy, and your disdain and disregard for everything and for me! You have no concern for anyone but yourself! You're coarse and I am earthly!"

But of course she never said these words. To answer Steve's question, "What do you think?", she quietly answered: "It's fine!"

He said: "Just fine! I kill myself working and making money and you say it is fine! When do you learn to be a little thankful for what you have?"

Helen almost found the situation ripe for a fight:

"It's a beautiful home! But I didn't know anything about it till today! What kind of married life do we have? Do you call this partnership?"

Steve, who was holding Elizabeth in his arm, put her down on the floor. Helen thought that he was going to hit her, but he did not. Anger blazed in his eyes. Helen picked up Elizabeth, who by now was screaming and crying. Nevertheless, she continued her cry. She wanted to either die herself or see him dead!

"What do you want from me? The house is yours, too; even though you don't deserve it. I am not home half of the time. This is for you and Elizabeth. What do you want from me you b...?"

Helen moved a few step back. Her throat was dry and she thought she would chock to death. She had a hard time to breathe. The child in her arm would not stop her screaming!!

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Eleven- Home, Sweet Home ☗ ✔ ☁ ☗

With Steve, everything was direct and ugly. Old days that they fought constantly, were Helen's

good days. Now to her, she was a common man, a coarse man, like her own father. For the first time she felt the influence of Jacob in her life, the way he had influenced her and treated her like a woman not a toy and because of that had changed her life! She kept recalling the episode in front of the grocery store. She kept making up scenarios in case they saw or talked with each other again, what would it be like? But they did not! All these were just illusions?

The abhorrence of feeling in her was too strong to be called anything! It was an uproar with the terrible strain of nights and the mornings after which made a combative pain; she could only understand that this would be so dramatic when or if she would gain her old bravery to feel it!!

No person who looked from outside to their lives, would not be happy to change place with them! Only if Helen could talk to them the true happenings of what really happened behind their walls and windows. Elizabeth was growing fast right in front of her eyes! She looked so much like Steve. Now that she was not hungry anymore, she was a chubby baby with double chin, big cheeks; her arms and hands and legs were fat with rolls and rolls of baby fat on them. She was a beautiful little girl since her father was a really handsome man and her mother was a beautiful woman according to everyone. The color of her hair was light brown; not blond like Helen and not black like Steve; her eyes were hazel color, again right in between the two of them. She was so happy to see her father when he came home on Wednesday night or Thursday morning; even though it was her mother, who was with her constantly and took care of her. The first word she learned was not Mama but it was Dada. Helen almost did not care; but deep in her layers of her emotions, she did care.

"How is it that I am the one that feed her hungry stomach all the time, and take care of her, and stay with her all the time, but she laughs and does her baby talk when she sees her dad?"

Elizabeth was truly in love with her dad. Steve was truly in love with his little girl. Although the father and daughter did not see each other half of the week, Elizabeth never forgot her dad. The expression "daddy's little girl" was a perfect phrase for them. The minute Elizabeth heard Steve's footstep, or his voice calling her while opening the door, she began laughing and moving her arms and legs in a way that Helen had never seen her to do them for her!!

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Eleven- Home, Sweet Home ☗ ✔ ☁

Steve was forced to agree with the doctor that Elizabeth needed formula and some baby foods besides Helen's milk. The doctor suggested different brands.

"Try them out and see which one she likes. They are all good!" He said to Helen and Steve. They left the doctor's office. Helen

sat in the back of the car, silent, shaking, crying, and trying to nurse the screaming baby. Steve drove, angry, frustrated, and was saying very unbecoming things to her:

"You;re not even a good mother!"

Nonetheless, that evening he went and bought some of the things that doctor had recommended. He prepared a bowl of cereal, and a bottle of baby formula himself and fed Elizabeth. For the first time that night the baby slept all through the night.

On his first day off from his flying, only a week later when he returned home, the baby was not crying and some color had returned to Helen's face! He did not want to admit that he knew in his heart that his child was better off, that his wife, whom he still loved passionately, was better off! After six months of misery For Helen, it took the pediatrician to play the role of a family elder to convince Steve that the reason for Elizabeth constant crying and not sleeping was that she was hungry.

Helen's headache kept returning. Steve wanted to tell her,"Oh, my sweet heart, my sweet wife, let me help you this weekend! Why don't you go and see a doctor? we need to cure your headaches!" But no, he would never talk to her this way again; he was not done punishing her. Thus, what he offensively told her was:

"There is always something wrong with you! I am sick and tired of coming home and taking care of you and Elizabeth!"

Helen thought many times in the days that Steve was not home to get her money from her safety deposit in bank and run away with Elizabeth to another city, to start all over again. But she had lost her courage; and besides she knew that Steve would find her and would punish her even worse!

Once she saw Jacob. She was putting Elizabeth in the back seat of her car after buying grocery. He was getting out of his car with his wife and two children. Their cars were parked next to each other. He was driving a different car than what he had had during their affair. Steve had bought a new car for Helen so she she did not have to drive the child in her old sporty car she used to have. That was the reason Jacob had not recognized her car and she, his car. They both were shocked. She saw in his demeanor that he was about to come and talk to her. She knew what would happen if he did. His wife would never believe him that this woman was an old friend, or someone from past he knew a long time ago, or ... Helen almost fell to get behind the wheel and to drive away. His wife was a beautiful woman, almost too beautiful! No, no she was too miserable; he could have guessed it. She was probably would have cried; no, no, she had to save him again!!

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Eleven- Home, Sweet Home ☗ ✔

Steve wanted Helen to nurse the baby. What Helen yearned for was for Jacob's son to suck on her nipples, not Elizabeth. She had a hard time to love her daughter. It was with agony that she nursed the baby. Elizabeth was a hungry beast, who wanted to suck on her nipples until there would be no more milk but it was her blood! When the baby was six months old, the pediatrician wanted them to give the baby some rice cereal and other baby food; but she was a stubborn baby. She would not take bottle or even a pacifier. All she wanted was to suck on her mother's breast!

Once that Steve was home for his days off, he finally noticed that how much Helen had lost weight; and how Elizabeth cried constantly. As usual He blamed Helen for the crying of the baby:

"You're not even a good mother! Don't you see the baby is suffering? Something is wrong with her!"

Elizabeth kept Helen up all night; and when Steve was home, he could not sleep either. The baby's crying was so unrelenting and persistent that one night Helen just put her on Steve's stomach and said:

"You take care of it! I haven't slept for six months!"

They had a big fight which started in the middle of the night and continued into the next day and night like old days. This fight brought the lost control and energy to her even though it was temporary.

Helen never told Steve why she did not like the name of her daughter. It was for a reason that would perhaps sound strange to Steve. Her mother's name was Elizabeth and she had betrayed her!

Two days later they took Elizabeth to her doctor. It was Steve's idea. Helen said:

"She is hungry. I don't have enough milk to fill her up. She doesn't need a doctor, she needs food."

The strange thing was that Elizabeth's doctor said exactly what Helen had said at home.

"She is hungry! You need to start giving her formula and other baby foods." Then the doctor turned to Steve and continued:

"I don't understand why you insist on your wife nursing her. Look at her! She is all skin and bone. Your wife is exhausted. She needs to take care of herself before getting sick. Then she can't take care of herself or the baby!"

Steve's answer was somewhat funny but he was very serious:

"Women have nursed their babies for ever! Why can't she?"

The doctor's answer made Steve's animosity to Helen much stronger:

"What do you think your wife is, a cow? Every woman is different. You're killing both of them!!"

To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- Eleven- Home, Sweet Home ☗

Steve had turned to a true male chauvinist. To him, women were inferior to men; they were different in a manner of intellect; they were not as smart as men; and their mission in life was to inspire men to achieve their goals, rather than to attain themselves.

Every step Helen took towards relieving herself from obligation this bondage and captivity had brought her, added to her weakness and debasement as an individual! She began to see clearly and to apprehend the deeper propensity of life! She was no longer content to feed upon opinion of people who knew her, while her soul yearned the tendency to get her former zest for life back!

When Elizabeth was born on May, twenty seven, 1969, exactly a year to the date from the birth of her son with Jacob, Steve told her in a manner as if he was asking for food or something simple:

"You're going to quit your job! I don't want my baby to go to daycare or have a nanny!"

Helen thought for a moment. Her teaching was all she had. It was her soul, she loved it! It was not because that was the only chance she had to get out of the house, or she needed the money; it was because all her life she wanted to be a teacher. She had turned earth and sky to get her degrees in order to become a teacher. Nonetheless, she said simply to Steve's demand:

"Yes, you're right!"

It was with wrench and pang that she left her career; that she wrote a letter of resignation. She carried away with her the voices of her students, the touch of her desk, the smell of the board and chalk. All along, driving home from this chain of serfdom, obeying Steve, she carried with her the memory of the only three semesters she had taught! The faces of her students, the campus, the old trees in it, the different buildings, the rooms, everything she could bring up to her mind, lingered with her like the memory of a beautiful song that one kept murmuring it without being aware of it. By the time she got home, the song was no longer echoed in her soul or mind! She was again alone!!

To Be Continued