Secrets-==== Chapter Three

"The woman, who had noticed how drunk John was, and had also noticed that he was using cocaine, refused to have sex with him. He repeatedly raped, sodomized, and abused her for hours. They found the mark of her hands being tied by a rope. Then he carried her into his car, drove her to a wooded area and raped her more. After all these, he stabbed her numerous times and left her there to die. His car roared, accelerated, sped away, and twisted on the road."

Suddenly Tim stopped talking. Tears swam in his eyes. No one had ever seen such tears in the eyes of a man who played his role of self- confidence so well. Again, Diana looked at him and saw that color was leaving his face with those tears. However, Tim's fervor for talking seemed being abated and was replaced by a melancholic and obscure restlessness. Nevertheless, he looked through his rainy eyes to his listeners and continued:

"A driver of a truck found the woman on the side of the road. She had crawled there for help. He called the police. She died in hospital three days later. The cause of her death was not only the stab wounds but it was the severity of she being so traumatized. John was arrested. People had seen his car was parked in front of that woman's house and many of woman's friends knew she was seeing John.

"Ten days later, the strangest twist happened. Police arrested my son. His mother called me and told me about it. Now they called him the suspect. John's parents had already hired Ed and his firm as their son's attorney. I don't know how much money they offered him, but everything turned against my son like a nightmare. They found witness to testify that my son was there, too. Yes, he was there, in that woman's house earlier, but he had left before all these happened.

"They twisted the fact, messed up all the medical records. All of the sudden John's semen on the woman's clothes disappeared. They found my son's fingerprint every where in that woman's house and in his car. The weapon, kitchen knife all of the sudden was wiped clean. It was found in the scene of the crime. Everything was changed only to switch and twist facts, and free the real killer. But how could they free the killer if they didn't have another suspect to replace him. My son was the best candidate. He was there earlier. People had seen his car there. Now the same people were not sure if my son left earlier or late at night. And above all, in order to free himself, john pointed his finger at my son; too much for friendship. His parents offered all the money they could to Ed, and Ed twisted everything around and used his expertise as a criminal lawyer to tell the court and jurors that it was not his client who did this despicable crime. John was acquitted. On the other hand in a separate court, a year later, my son was found guilty on all accounts as charged. He was remitted to the jail awaiting sentencing. The sentence was handed down a week later- life in prison, and if he would behave, he would get out after forty years.

"Now my son is paying for the crime he didn't commit; and John is free to walk in the streets. I just recently heard that he is married and his wife expecting a baby.

"I go and visit my son. I also go and follow john only to see how free he is, working for his father, traveling, having a wife. A few times I decided to run him over. But it seems that he always has some body guards around him.

"My son is very angry and depressed. He has attempted suicide and he is under intense watch all the time. He tells me: 'Dad, I'm Innocent.' I look at him and tell him with my eyes: 'I know.'

"At this point I rather him die. Now can we go through life like this? Up to now, I was afraid of death, but it doesn't matter anymore. I know the end will come for my son one day, and I'm not afraid of that. What can I tell him? Tell him that I love him. No, it made no sense before and it makes no sense now.

"There is no sense in deceiving myself. I know that my son and I are parted. I try to act sensibly when I see him. But our lives are made of a bitter, harsh, and lonely existence. There is no audacity left in us. He was the fire and energy of youth, but that is all gone now. It is alien situation, a very unpleasant one for my son; and I can't do a damn thing about it.

"It hurts to the core of my existence to know that he'll be behind bars for the rest of his life for a crime he didn't commit. Now all I do is to fill my life with everything that comes around rather than leaving a void. But honestly, I live a void and empty life, so empty that sometimes I hear the echo of my own breathing- the breathing of air of freedom while I'm a prisoner just like my son." Tim stopped talking suddenly, as though he was reading a report and there was nothing else there to be read.

A dreadful silence followed. Everyone forgot what happened before this story was told. No one was able even to sympathize with him. Tim got up and walked quickly to the yard, as though in sudden alarm at the story which had blown out from his lips. Jacob followed him outside.

Ed's head was bent in his chest. He was not looking at anyone. Thui, his wife, sitting next to him, held his hand. He looked up.

"Is it true?" She asked him.

He did not answer.

She contemplated and remembered that five years ago a big money had come to them. Suddenly she let her hands drop on her lap; and for a long time she sat, her head bent, staring at the floor. Slowly a faint heat crept into her cheeks, but her lips stayed unspoken and her dark eyes held a befuddled look and some other emotions she could not define. She was aware of a restraint, of a feeling of fear that filling her up. With her chin propped on her fists, she sat drowned in thoughts. Her reflection was deep and grave but not yet despondent.

Jacob and Tim returned to the room. Jacob brought a new bottle of wine, opened it, and poured a glass for himself and Tim. Then he sat next to Rosa, looking at everyone. It seemed he wanted to take charge.

"I," He began hesitating to say the unspoken.

"Ed, I need to know the truth. We have been friends for over twenty years. I remember now that about five years ago you came up with a lot of money. I must know the truth."

Ed Looked up. He seemed disturbed. He felt the pressure of all these people, who wanted the truth.

"You want the truth!" He began. "I tell you the truth. Yes, it is true."

To Be Continued

Secrets-^*^*^* Chapter Three

"Let me tell you about my son, Christopher. You can imagine how he was raised, with a mother who didn't believe in any principals, and a father, who had only visitation, and in those visits, besides trying to please him with buying stuff for him, all we talked about was about knowing about his mother's affairs. I admit, I made a snitch out of him. For many years I still had feelings for Nancy.

"It is a shame that how poorly we parents know about our children and the effect our behaviors have on them. We know that through our children our souls are healed, yet we, for our own selfish need and vanity, use our children to achieve unachievable.

"I must confess I've not been a good father. Yes, I paid my child support, yes, I didn't miss my visitations; but I didn't take time to study him, to teach him, to know him, to see what he is like, to see what his fears are, what his aspirations are.

"In years, many years, after all these, each day became valuable to me and more cherished as time went by. Finally I noticed it. I began going through days and nights very happy, satisfied. You may ask how so? I don't know. It's hard for me to analyze it. I guess I wasn't waiting for my mood. I was just happy. I knew if I act happy, the good temper would come.

"When Christopher passed his teenage years, my relationship with him minimized. It was hard at the beginning, but like anything else, I got used to it. He was becoming a grown up man. He looked older than his age. It seemed to me that he just went from childhood to manhood. His teenage years were short and nasty. However, I was always aware of what he was doing. He never went to college. He got jobs that he hated and changed them like one changes underwear. He always had some kind of explanation for this attitude of his. People around him, including the bosses and coworkers were all bad, period. I don't know what came of Nancy. There came a point that I didn't care anymore. She was dead in my mind.

"Christopher got involved with bunch of vulgar and worthless people. They were like a band of brothers, did everything together, inseparable. I knew about these friends to a certain degree. I confronted him about six years ago. He was thirty one then, yes, thirty one. Perhaps you thought I am going to say he was twenty. I told him that he was with the wrong crowd; he needed to settle down. I gave him all the fatherly advices that a father could give. He laughed at me and said: 'It's too late for both of us that you're acting like a father now.' He was right. I couldn't even apologize to him for what had been stolen from him, a normal life.

"Knowing that I had not been a good father, and what had become of our lives, my life and my son's life, I completely lost my tranquility. I thought that my mind was working, but then I realized that my logic was gone. I called Nancy after all these years to discuss Christopher's behavior. Then I understood that she had not changed. She didn't care.

"Oh, what a pitiful world we live in!" Tim Got up, lit up a cigar, and sat in a different chair. He put his cigar inside his wine glass and forgot all about it. Then he continued:

"You know we can't live without love, but we can pretend that we don't need it and deny it all together. I knew how to present myself in society in an indispensable way. But I had to face my real soul, my real life, and what had become of Christopher. Then I tried to teach myself not to hate all it was happening around me. And what was happening?

"Jacob, I seem to recall that you were telling me of my lack of seriousness." Tim talked like a man who had walked into a muddy earth and sinking deeper with every step he took; yet he walked faster and faster and sank deeper and deeper.

"You see how serious I am now. What you saw as lack of my seriousness is again an illusion. You were seeing right as left and left as right in the mirror. I've always been serious. Now I'm more serious than ever, for I'm going to reveal the most dreadful secret one can have before dawn with you. But before doing that, I must go back to my son's story and the reason I'm here tonight- to face Mr. Vanity, Mr. Money Lover. I knew of what else would happen here tonight, like Rosa being your daughter, like Diana being your wife. That is why I'm determined to tell you all my secrets.

"It happened five years ago. Everything melted into the thin air without a trace. John, Christopher's friend, a couple of years younger than him, committed this despicable crime, and now Christopher has to pay for it. John's parents are very wealthy. In fact his father is one of the most prominent people in Dallas and hold a high position in government. He also involves in oil business and I know that he owns some oil wells for a big American- British company.

"Christopher and John hanged up together all the time. That night, that inauspicious night they were in this woman's house. They had a lot to drink. But I know for fact that John was very drunk. He began acting violent. My son told him that he didn't like what he was doing. He wanted them to have sex with the woman at the same time. Christopher left the woman's house. It wasn't until the next morning that John called my son and told him the horrifying news.

To Be Continued

Secrets-_)(_)_(_ Chapter Three

"I was only twenty three when I married Nancy. It was 1960, The aura that many things happened to our culture and changed our society. You know Vietnam, Woodstock, and all those kind of stuff. Now you know how old I am. Yes, I am sixty one now, an old divorcee.

"Nancy was my high school sweet heart. We exclusively dated each other. We married when I graduated from college and got a job. Christopher was born a year later. He is thirty seven years old now. He is the kind, one may say, born unlucky, and will die unlucky.

"Nancy got involved with bunch of friends, who believed in things very much against what I believed. She said she was bored and our lives had no color. One of her ideas was that child must take her mother's name. I didn't like it, but I didn't fight her. I wanted to keep the peace in the house. I wanted my marriage to last. If some one knew about our private life, their advice to me was that this marriage was already lost. I loved her. I wanted my son to grow up with both parents. She never changed her last name to mine after marriage. And when the baby was born, we named him Christopher Hoyle Rhoads. I was happy that at least he used my name in the middle. But the last name was her maiden name." Tim stopped. He raised his head and looked at Ed to see the effect of the name, his son's name he just had announced.

Ed's head was in his chest. He recognized the name right away. The whole story rushed in to his mind. He wished to stop the time, or to return time to the previous evening before all these things had started. But the water had spilled out and there was no way of gathering it. He tried, however, not to show any sign of emotion, because he knew all the eyes were intensely on him.

"Does the name ring the bell?" Tim began, feeling a thorn in his throat.

"A very short time after the birth of Christopher, Nancy got involved even more with those friends she had; and she wanted us to do what they were doing. They all thought that no bond could take human for granted. They all thought they were free in spirit and soul; therefore they had to be free in action and behavior. To them, the culture and morality were nothing but chain and repression. I couldn't believe this was the same girl I knew for ten years, dated her. Let me just spill out- they swapped partners, and Nancy wanted to experience it, too. She called me old fashioned, stupidly moral." Tim felt a big knot in his throat. From time to time, he cast a deplorable glance at others.

"I fought with her. I tried to reason with her. I told her that the beauty of marriage is its exclusiveness. She stormed at me that I was an old fashioned foul. I finally gave in to her. Yes, I admit it. I gave in to her. We did that thing for a couple a times, actually, to be honest, I didn't. I pretended that I did. I couldn't stand it anymore. Who ever would become my partner, only hear my lecturing and no action. I told her that as important as our marriage was to me with a kid and all, I wouldn't tolerate this. I told her that she needed to clean up her acts. Her response was: 'Even though we both are the same age, we belong to different generations.' I was horrified by her answer. I was offended. What has happened to the girl I knew since we were thirteen years old.

"I thought to myself that this dreadful situation couldn't be helped. We were in a very terrible time. It was like a bitter medicine that one had to swallow it. It was the time that you could see Jane Fonda on the enemy's tank, solacing them, entertaining them, but not our own soldiers who were almost all drafted. Those soldiers were treated the worse of any other war we had. She wanted me to swallow that bitter medicine and be like every one else. That was her exact word. 'When did you become Mr. honorable?' I chocked on that poison. I refused to do it or to go with her.

"After being married for only two years, we finally got a divorce. I loved her parents. I told them the real reason.. Yes, I had visitation, yes, I paid child support; but every thing had flown into the thin air for me. I decided not to marry ever again. I found all women my enemies; and I decided to fight them. But I didn't come to this point right away. I was hurt. I was bitter, yet I thought I should go back to school. I was still a very young man, only twenty five years old. So I did.

"I became a lonely bachelor at such young age. I felt I was entering the dubious dusk of nostalgia that was not related to hope. I thought that my youth was over and my old age had not yet come.

"I felt terrible for many years. But I must admit sometimes I began feeling better for awhile. When that happened, I used to go out. But after awhile, the streets, the people, everything infuriated me. I would return home and purposely would shut myself inside for a long time. I could not endure the filthy, vulgar, and nasty people. Everyone seemed to me was anxious and restless. I was hopeless. Everybody was walking in the streets, but no one was united; and if they did, it was not the right time or place.

"When I finished school and got a teaching job at the university, I started feeling better. Looking at all those beautiful women in my classes, I kept reminding myself of their souls. I kept thinking that beneath those beautiful faces there were a soul of stone. Slowly I felt that they were all the same, just like Nancy. If you don't give in to their want , you're thrown out from their lives. I kind of convinced myself that I could use them and throw them out, too. So I did.

To Be Continued

Secrets- ~*~*~* Chapter Three

"Listen, Tim," Jacob began: "I can't share your hatred for subjugation, grievance, and inhumanity. Unlike you, I can't rest easily in my speculative scope; and that is exactly what you're doing. You're asking my forgiveness! I don't know what to say. Without knowing your story, I feel sorry for you. Let me hear what you have to say, and then I decide how I feel!"

"Tomorrow morning will be a real day, a real dawn." Tim began. Tear rose in his throat. "I want to know if any of you believe in God. No, no, let me ask Ed, only him. Ed, do you believe in God?"

"Of course I do." Ed raised his head. He seemed disgusted. He still did not know anything about Tim's son. He needed something more to bring back his case to his mind. He knew he had taken cases for just money while deep in his heart he did not believe in his client's innocence.

"I thought so. Your God is an unknown and unseen God. We know nothing about him. You can pray, and feel and wait. Like when you pray to win a case. Winning a case for you is saving your name and reputation, so you can get more cases and make more money, isn't that so? But God doesn't do what you think he'll do. It is the human corruption that every time makes you win, makes you get more money. And it is also human misery that you take advantage of.

"You may say if God doesn't do what I expect from him, he must have a reason. You may say it is only for the time being, incidental, it's not done because of the external impact. But let me tell you, you love and worship what your God hates; you hate what He adores; you acknowledge absolutely what he declines. You get frustrated, you turn your eyes, do whatever you must do. And then you go to church Sunday morning and pray.

"I can't worship the God that is your God. Your God is corrupt like you. Listen, I'm not here to judge you, you're the one that want to become a judge. I'm just telling you and everyone else the reality. I believe that I am devoted to truth, and the truth is what we know before dawn."

"Listen," Ed began: "I am an honest lawyer. You're probably mistaking me with someone else. And I hate your opinion, your arrogance, your negativity, your horrifying mental capacity of life and human. I am sure what happened to your son had been awful; but I have nothing to do with it. I don't even recall a person by his name."

"Because my son has his mother's maiden name, and I'm going to tell you why!"

"Thank God, you're finally stopping philosophy and getting on your story." Ed retorted.

"What I said is just common sense; but because you don't have any sense, you don't understand common sense." Tim answered abruptly.

"Will you two stop fighting and have a little respect for each other." Rosa said after a long silence.

"Sweetheart, I'm not fighting. I'm here tonight to face this man. All I'm asking is just to listen. All of you listen to what I must say; and stop interrupting me.

"See how time flies. I heard it flies in prison even faster. Maybe that is good... I don't know... My son has to spend the rest of his life there. If he behaves, he may get out in forty years. So I guess it's good that time flies fast. But all of these are just vague thinking." He reflected, putting his hand on his forehead.

"I've lost everything I have because I've lost my past. I can't deny that my past exist, but I lost it. Is there anything more precious in this world than a beautiful woman with her child? I keep remembering this picture in my mind when she had Christopher in her arm. This is the only thing I have left, only a memory, a picture, an image.

To Be Continued

Secrets- ***** Chapter Three

"Nature," He began again: "I know Jacob always talk about nature. To him nature is God, is the creator. Even nature, to me, is incidental. It's trivial in the manner that people, like Jacob, give in to it. Let me tell you, nature isn't God, isn't even a place of worship, but it's a work place; and we all... especially people like Jacob, are just workers in it."

"Tim. I don't know what you're getting at." Jacob contained his anger. "To hear you talking, we may all live outside the human society where there is no law. Doesn't the logic of humanity demand...?"

"Jacob, you're one of the few people that I like and respect." Tim interrupted him. "Our century yearns for principals. It is tortured by lies and craves truth. We all question, seek. We all are nostalgic for the facts, for the truth which we can't find anywhere. Look at you, you have hidden a major truth about your life even from your wife, the most intimate person in your life. And she has done the same. Ask Rosa why she is dating me, an old prof... Ask Thui what secret she has buried in her heart, and ask Ed, your dearest friend of his shameful, dreadful secrets! You see we all want the truth but we can't face it. We're afraid of the truth." His tormented honesty in this new statement he made and in his somewhat integrity, even though he was judging people around him was shown in his tone of voice, even more than the words, the penetrating words he was speaking with his bleeding heart.

"God, it's two in the morning. We need to stop this nonsense. We must go home." Thui got up and picked up her purse.

"No, you want to leave because first you don't understand what I am saying and second you know your turn will come. Sit down. No one leaves until I say they can." Tim wore a stern look on his face. Thui sat automatically.

"Tim, stop it. This is my home not yours. They can leave if they want to." Jacob came to his old friend's' defense.

"I've been sitting on thorns for a long, long time." More and more Tim felt suffocated in a world that all goodness had become degraded. His face suddenly looked pale and sweat sat on his forehead. It appeared to Diana that sweat was washing up the color of his face.

"Listen, Jacob, you that write about people, take every day's life story of people and create a fascinating fiction..., yes, I said fascinating, because you're a good writer; here I have a new subject for your next book. I know the secret of your writing; you become the people you write about, you go under their skin, you suffer their pains, you share their confusion, their fascination, and their heartbreaking. This is a story for you. I let you use it; and I don't want any credit for it. Just try to feel me, just listen to my painful story, but at the same time, plan a novel. Listen with the ears of a novelist. I know you can do it. We, others in this room, can listen but ignore it at the same time. We won't let it go under our skin. We don't know how to become the other person; but you can, because you're a writer, a real one, and we're not."

"I've never imagined that you're in so much pain, Tim." Jacob's voice trembled with emotion.

"You've never shown or expressed your pain to anyone. No one has ever known your family. You've never discussed anything about yourself. You've always even hidden your age. You've always acted happy, in control. I had no idea!"

"Enough, Jacob." Tim interrupted. "I tell you everything tonight. No more mystery. I hide my age, right, I dye my hair. I wanted to get young women, like Rosa, which I learned shortly after we met is your daughter. If I knew that at the beginning, I would have never mixed up with her. You got to believe me. Do believe me.

"To me, women were my enemies, and I had to get even with them. What I've done was not an act of love but revenge. I had to use women. It worked. I helped them with their schools, they helped me with my plan. I wasn't like this. If I had married a woman like Diana, your precious wife, perhaps I wouldn't be like this. By the way, she is right. She had no role in that shameful act of mine. It was all me. This is one case that I feel sorry about to inflict pain and shame upon some one. She didn't deserve it. I admit it. I forced myself on her, Jacob. I didn't know you then. I had no idea that her husband, you, one day would become my colleague. I deeply, deeply apologized to both of you. When she said that she withdrew that course, she was right. At the time it was a surprise to me, but now I know the reason. She is a woman with principals. All I am asking is your forgiveness, both of you." Tim spoke as he thought.

To Be Continued

Secrets- ~`*`~* Chapter Three

Everyone was astounded by Diana's sudden plea. However they all thought that she had made a smart move. Thui woke up. She noticed with surprise that night had fallen deeply while she was dreaming. Outside was dark and hushed.

"You're right Diana." Tim said. "I stop but not before telling all of my story, my life. I, like all of you, have a secret; but I tell you my dreadful secret after I hear the secrets of the rest of you.

"What I want to tell you now, is about my son, my marriage, and the reason I accepted Jacob's invitation tonight. I wanted to face Ed personally. He is the one who ruined my son's life and put him in jail for life by freeing his rich client." Tim said, as though involuntarily, as though talking to himself, as though there was no one besides him in the room.

Everybody suddenly overcame with confusion. The hot blood spread beneath the skin of all, who listened to depressed, yet determined talk of Tim. Diana secretly glanced from Tim to Jacob. Tim had used the words, "my dreadful secret" with sardonic purpose, which she had noticed. " What is the dreadful secrets?" She did not know. Thui was the most surprised. She had no idea what was going on. She had heard the beginning of Diana's story but not the end. She was asleep the entire time. Now, her husband was been prosecuted.

*

"I'm a person you may call nihilist." Tim went on, getting up again. " You probably think that a nihilist is a person who doesn't believe in anything. That isn't true. Quite differently, a nihilist is someone who doesn't take the principals of things for granted. I personally cherish those principals. I see you're laughing. You think I have no principals. I do, even more than all of you. But all my principals have been stolen from me.

"Nowadays, everywhere you look, people say they're nihilist without even knowing the meaning of it. Now we have to see how one person, for example me, can manage to exist in this vain, unfeeling world." Tim stopped pacing; stood in the middle of the room. There was a crude, almost arrogant tone in his voice. Then he sat on the chair by the dinning table.

"We're destroying everything, destroying..." He repeated with an indescribable composure.

"We destroy, but we forget that we need to construct, too. You think it's funny that these words come out from my mouth, someone who seeks revenge, who recognized Diana the minute he walked here, and he taught, 'ha, I must reveal her secret.' You may be right; but a man who is already destroyed can construct? Don't ask me what I mean by that! You will know before dawn.

"Now I'm thinking about principals, the principals I've believed all my life; but now I'm at a point that no principals matter anymore. That is not my affair any longer. I thought the ground must be cleared first before us, the educators, so we could teach the new generations the principals. But you know my ground has changed to an abyss that at any point would devour me in it."

"Why don't you get to the point? It is not time for philosophy." Ed said with a real disgust in his voice.

"Be quiet. You must hear all these even though I'm sure you're not capable of understanding it." Tim was entangling in his words. "We set up our behavior on what we think as beneficial in today society. The most good thing we can do is to reject; like rejecting to give a helping hand to someone unless there is something in it for us; to abandon, like mothers who abandon their children; to deny, like when the truth comes to surface, like one deserts his own flash and blood and his own family; to dishonor, like dishonoring honesty; and to revoke, like when one revokes a promise, a duty. So we all forsake what we can to gain what is gained only by discarding the right thing." He got up from chair, walked a little, then poured a glass of wine for himself. This time he threw himself on the sofa, clasped his hands behind his neck, and stayed motionless for awhile, staring at the ceiling. His expression showed nothing but hopelessness. Perhaps he felt hiding from each human and each object that existed in that room. Rosa and Diana could see the true pain, Thui was mystified. Ed was annoyed; and Jacob was curious.

To Be Continued

Secrets-[`]~{~} Chapter Three

As life had passed by all these years, a hunger for innovation, originality forced Diana to a certain extent, and there she had noticed not only a chasm but also an emptiness... disarray without form. But what she had observed in this world was all vanity. It seemed to her that everyone lived on the edge, the edge that any given moment might had changed to an abyss beneath their feet. Nevertheless, she had noticed that people went out of their ways to create all kind of anxieties for themselves to ruin their lives.

Diana thought of Tim, who could have one woman like any normal man and settle down, yet he had chosen the adventure of being a womanizer and a rapist. He abused his position to a degree of no return. She wondered what kind of marriage he had had, and what happened to his only son. She wondered why Rosa dated a man older than her father! Was she the same as Tim, a user? She was not sure how long she stood there, gazing into dark; however, the sudden silence appeared to her lasted a long time. There was no sound. She turned around and faced others. Everyone was sitting quietly. They all looked at her. Jacob was still sitting next to Rosa.

"Maybe we need to end this night." Rosa said while getting up. She walked to Diana and hugged her.

"Are you okay?"

"I need to say my side of the story. She made me look like a monster." Tim said with an apparent anger. Then he ignored Rosa's intervention and continued:

"I'm not leaving until everyone hears what really happened!"

"No one will believe you. I know I won't." Rosa broke in rudely. It was obvious that their relationship was over.

"Now you're turning your back to me, too. I thought we were match made in heaven." Tim's tone of voice showed nothing but derision and contempt for Rosa.

"We're no match, and you know it. You and I used to be the same. We used each other and we used others. But now, right now, I'm going to stop. I don't want to be like you, shameless..." Rosa burst into tears. She could not finish what she intended to tell him.

Jacob put his arm around her shoulder and drew her close and kissed the top of her head. Rosa did not object this fatherly affection.

"You all think that I'm an evil person, but I'm not. Yes, I am, but what made me to be like this, you don't know." Tim got up and helped himself with a glass of wine.

"And Diana's story is somewhat true, but not all of it." He paused and then continued:

"You must hear what really happened."

"No, we mustn't." Ed broke his long silence.

"I want to know." Jacob finally said what Diana was so afraid to hear.

"Jacob stop it. This man is crazy. He wants to ruin every one's life. Where did you find him?" Ed said with exasperation.

"No, everybody must hear." Tim broke in. "And I know what kind of person you are, Mr. Ed, or I better say Edmund Hoyle, the powerful lawyer. You ruined my son's life. I know who you are. I know what kind of dirty and selfish lawyer you are. For you money is everything. We'll hear your story after I'll tell mine. You can's escape it tonight." Then he got up and began pacing the room. Then he sat again.

"Why do you think I accept Jacob's invitation for tonight? Do you think it was for reading poetry with Diana? He told me one of his friend, a powerful lawyer, would be here, too. I asked him your name, and when I heard that despicable name, I told him that I would accept his invitation. I hate all lawyers, especially you, Mr. money lover."

"What is all these? How do you know Ed?" Jacob asked with a real concern in his voice.

"I am sure I don't know this man. I've never known this man before tonight." Ed answered.

"You'll remember when you hear what you did to my son. But before that I must confess that Diana's story is mostly true, except the part she said she didn't enjoy it. I know she did. She said she fainted, I don't..."

"Stop it Tim, stop..." Rosa screamed as hard as she could.

Diana was still standing by the window. Her heart knew that this doomed night was not over yet; nonetheless, her feeling rose above pity and meanness. She indistinctly realized that it was up to her to come up with some kind of resolution for this horrid night, to stop this madness. But her opponent, the man who had come to her home for revenge, was intelligent and could outsmart her. She looked at everybody one by one and deliberately. It seemed to her that all gone mad. Her orderly routine was lost, something that she lived by and it always bothered her when something disturbed it.

"I think we need to put all these personal vanity and vendetta aside." She reflected. Then she continued: "They all are further than truth. Please, Tim, stop. I don't know what kind of pain you're going through; but I know you're in pain. It's pain that has made you so angry, so very much against everyone, to the point that you think everyone is after you, everyone had done something terrible to you. Your anger has turned you to a mean man; but you're not a truly a vicious man."

To Be Continued

Secrets- {[}] Chapter Three

'...He said it in a way that brought chills to my bones.

" He pushed me back to the chair, after he put it back in the right position, and put the papers on my lap. 'You go on, study.' He said. He stood right behind me pushing his hands as hard as he could on my shoulders. I didn't know what to do, how to fight this? Mostly I was confused, besides being horrified. A few times, I turned to look at him. His eyes scared me. He said that I was acting childish. That I was losing a great opportunity. I found the courage to tell him to go to hell. He laughed: 'I am already in hell; and you're not going to tell me that this is not fun!'

"Slowly he slid his hands inside my shirt. I began a vain battle with him. That caused me to fall on the floor. He stood there, towering over me like a rapist not a professor, looking at me, lying on the floor defenseless. I could not recognize him. He didn't look like the distinguished and brilliant professor I knew in the class. Then he came on my top. He told me to take my clothes off. I didn't. I guess I was unconscious."

Diana's eyes were filled with tears now. No one of these people had ever seen such a distress, as they saw it in Diana Then. She bent her head on her chest, slowly wiped her tears with her hands, and then looked up at everyone, who were bitterly listening to her. She began a new cigarette, but her hand was shaking so much that it fell on the floor. She bent and picked it up, and stamped the fire on the floor with her shoes. She was in the state of abandoning herself to the sensation of an absolute ruination and the wretchedness that crashed in a half awareness and hushed viewing of the far reaching flow of life that for ever was swirling around her.

"After he finished," She began, looking fixedly to the space: "After he finished his despicable act, he helped me to dress. I'm not sure what happened. I might had fainted or were unconscious. I don't remember. Then he had this stern look on his face, acting in charge. 'You can go home now. Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it.' He said. 'You've already passed.'

"I left his office running. It was dark. In the parking lot, I was even afraid of my own footstep. I couldn't find my car key. I was afraid I had left it in his office. I ended up to overturn my bag on the asphalt to find my key. At home, Jacob was working in his office. Vickie was asleep. I went directly to the bathroom, stepped in the tub, and stayed under the hot water... I don't know for how long. I guess Jacob finally noticed that I was taking so long in the shower, or I was not acting right. He came to the bathroom. I heard him come. He sat on the commode and asked me if I was okay or something in that manner. I closed the water, pulled the curtain aside and stepped out. 'I need to tell you something.' I said. He nodded his head and then said: 'You don't have to.' I did not know what he meant.

I withdrew that course at once. I thought about doing something. I don't know... but then I felt who's going to believe me. Students always accuse their professors. This young professor from this distinguished university, so brilliant, no way. Later, I lost the courage to tell Jacob about it. I was ready to tell him that night, but he was so involved in his writing, that he didn't hear me. I went through hell to forget about this but I never did. Now this nightmare has returned to haunt me again. You, all of you, don't have to believe me, but I know that I have told the truth."

Diana gazed with fury to the space. then she got up and walked to the window. She pressed her forehead against the window pane. The coldness of it soothed her somewhat. Her breathing was heavy, her whole body shook. But her shaking was not the result of fear, as it had been the entire evening, but it was a trembling of relief. Yes, it was like the oscillating of a wave that had finally hit the wall and broke into pieces. She felt broken, yet relieved. She felt light after twenty three years carrying this nightmare. Now it was up to this people to believe her or not.

She finally found a peace of mind, what it used to be disturbed easily. At the same time, she felt sad; and while standing there, gazing into the dark of the night, her back to everyone, she even burst into tears once again. She did not know why! Certainly not because she had gained a peace of mind or because she had been outraged. She tried to investigate her crying. She might feel guilty, or it was the demand of disconnected and vague emotions.

To Be Continued

Secrets- ~{~} Chapter Three

...ashamed of myself for dating you!"

"Stop the nonsense." Tim retorted. "We both are useful to each other. We both belong to a group of people that use others for their needs. Don't you know that I know why you're dating me, a man older than your father? I have power and charm... and all the young women like that, and I use it. I never said that I was a good person, but I'm intelligent and brilliant according to all my colleagues. But I also know that I'm an evil person, I admit it. Even when Jacob invited me here, he told me that he wanted to introduce me to his wife because I'm so ingenious, that was the exact words he used, and his wife was so much into poetry. I help you with your school, I let you pass, I talk to your other professors to help you, but I want something in return." Then he looked at Diana and back to Jacob:

"I haven't been caught yet. That is why your wife slept with me, too, because I have power and I use it. I have a list of all my students that I slept with, and I follow up their careers and lives."

There was a sudden stillness in the room. The words had spilled out. Now everyone knew. Although they all had the idea what all these were about. By ruining other's lives, Tim did not mind to show his diabolic mind. It seemed as though devil possesses him; and he enjoyed it.

Rosa got up, but before doing that, she slapped Tim on his face; and then walked to Jacob and stood in front of him.

"Hours ago, you and I had no idea that we're related." Then suddenly she held his hands:

"Please forget about tonight... Let these people go. I'll stay. We talk tomorrow. We all are drunk." She spontaneously hugged her newly found father. Jacob cried quietly.

Diana started a cigarette and poured a glass of wine for herself, whatever was left at the bottle. She drank it all, forgotten a few minutes ago she was sick. Never in her life, she had drunken like this. But now she needed courage, more than human ability to tell the story. But her main reason for deciding to reveal this shame to others was not her part in this contrition, but was Tim's role of using all these young women. From what she saw, he had not changed at all.

*

"I was his student. " She began, feeling stronger. "The course I was taking was English Literature. Then Jacob's dissertation was pending. I was taking only one or two courses a semester. I was working so Jacob could finish school. Vickie was only one year old.

"We had exam that day, but I wasn't prepared. Vickie was very sick. I had not slept but only a few hours for the last three nights. At work, those days, a couple of time I fell asleep. My mom was taking care of Vickie when I was working."

"You don't have to tell us all these details." Jacob cut her rudely.

"I know details are boring to you, but I must."

"Yes, she does. She is telling how her circumstances were." Rosa came to her defense.

"Anyway..." It seemed that Diana was getting entangled in her words. "Anyway, that day of exam, I went to his office."She looked hatefully at Tim, and then continued:

"I wanted to ask him if I could take my exam another time. I explained to him my situation. I told him my daughter was sick, that I didn't have a chance or time to study. He was very kind. He told me to go to his office after class. He told me that he would work with me.

"I was overjoyed, happy. I thought what a great professor he was to work with his students, to understand their needs, to know the phony ones from the real ones, to know their personal problems besides the classroom." Diana let her hands drop on her lap, and stayed silent for a while which seemed a long time to others. She was searching for words to go on with the story.

Jacob got up, walked away from her, as though in sudden alarm at his wife's words which had burst from her lips. He went to the kitchen, brought back a new bottle of wine, opened it, and without offering the others, he poured a glass for himself. Then he looked around and saw Rosa. He walked to her, sat next to her, while holding her hand.

"After class, I went to his office." Diana was determined to tell the story and get it over with.

"It was late. I was taking night classes so I could work during the days. He was sitting behind his desk. He looked just as he looks now, except he had more hair. He had a smile on his face. he asked me to sit, and then gave me a whole bunch of papers, no actually they were only five pages. 'If you study these,' he said, 'you'll pass. That is not much, is it?' I nodded my head for no, and got up to leave. He reached from his side of desk and held my hand and said: 'No, I can't let you take these out with you. If anyone finds out that I've given these to you, it's not good for my reputation. You're a smart girl, you can study these here. You can make some notes if you want.' I was tempted but it was late. Jacob was expecting me at home any minute. I had to pick up Vickie from my mom's on my way home. On the other hand, I felt this was cheating. So I told him what I felt. He laughed. In fact he laughed very loud and then said: 'No, it's not cheating. I'm not giving you the answers, I'm giving you the questions. Go ahead, call your husband and your mother and tell them that you're running late.'

"So I did. I called home. I asked Jacob to go pick up Vickie from my parents'. I told him that my professor was helping me with me exam. Jacob knew that I had that meeting with Tim. He knew that I was going to ask him to take my exam another time. He told me on the phone: 'That's great. I wish I had a professor like yours.'

"I began studding the questions. He was sitting there, and occasionally told me that if I didn't understand something, I could ask him. I was very grateful, yet I was nervous,too. There was something in that room that made me very uncomfortable. He was reading a book, or appeared doing that; but I knew; I felt that his eyes were on me.

"After half an hour, I wanted to tell him that I should leave, that I was worried for my daughter; but I don't know why, I couldn't. Then suddenly he asked me: 'How old are you?' I looked up. He was not on his chair. He was standing next to me. 'Twenty three,' I said. He put his hand on my shoulder. I shivered. He noticed it. 'Relax, I'm not going to bite you. You're too young to be married and have a child, and support your family.' He said. 'What is wrong with that?' I argued.

"I knew something was not right. As I was contemplating to get up and leave and forget about my exam, he began touching my hair and shoulders. I was frozen with horror. I was so frightened that even I couldn't get up from my chair. Nonetheless, I did and dropped the chair meanwhile. He began laughing again: 'That is not a great price for passing this difficult exam, is it?' He said. I ran to the door, but it was locked. He had planned all these. I found some strength to scream: 'What do you want from me. Let me go please.' 'No one is here to hear you. I'm not going to do anything to you that you don't ask for it.' He said it in a way that brought chills to my bones.

To Be Continued

Secrets- ~~ Chapter Three

Her voice, she realized was dead:

"I..." She could not go on.

They all listened to her hushed voice worriedly.

"I want...him to leave!"

They all heard her abrupt, feverish, and frantic words through her stifled voice. They all knew that she was not acting normal, that something was terribly amiss with her.

"A minute ago, you were condemning Jacob for something he had done before marrying you. I am not leaving until everyone knows what you did when you were married." Tim said with a wave of his hand, and then sat on a chair away from everyone.

How could Diana endure such an adversity without slipping into madness? Perhaps a simple glance at Jacob would save her and she would not be wasted. She began hating Tim like a nightmare. She thought to herself: "Dose he make a trophy from all his victims, and follows them up to the end of eternity?" Hatred and disgust strongly mingled in her. She opened her eyes wide, as she looked from her husband to others and then back again. Her mind that used to be so quick in making decision, now was so vain even to imagine that her eyes were striking only shame. That was a conviction which stayed indelibly frozen in her mind.

Jacob bluntly motioned to Diana to a chair. He sat himself at a slight angle to her. Then he faced her with an unbelievable and anxious suspense.

"What is this all about?' He asked with a silly grimace on his face that did not match his words.

Diana seemed confused. Everything was terribly foreign to her, and that foreignness was killing her. The blaze of the day had been passed; it was now replaced by a drunk night that used to have sweet smell of sleep, a sleep that awaited the tormented and the discontented. But sleep was so far away, and the sweetness was only a mirage. She wished she could dissipate this night by a wave of her hand or blink of her eyes; but the night was there, and the nightmare stared at her, and sleep was just a dream.

Again she looked searchingly and watchfully at all these listeners, who all impatiently were waiting for her to open her mouth and say something. It was cruel, yet all these curious people awaited out of spite not kindness of their hearts to convict her and whoever else they could. Were They human?

"Don't make us wait any longer!" Tim said with a faded smile in the corner of his mouth. "If you don't talk, then I will."

Diana got up. Jacob tried to pull her back to the seat, but she moved away quickly away from him. She could hardly stand on her feet. She wept quietly, being angry at her own tears. Others, who had not seen such tears in her eyes before, knew the degree of distraught in her.

"I must say first...when it happened, I wanted to tell you Jacob, but you said you didn't want to know it." She wept more and covered her face.

"I don't know what you're talking about?" Jacob said. His voice was almost dead, too.

"Now, right now..., death is a pleasant thing. I'm not...afraid to die now. I wish... it was the end of me now... I musty say, I've always loved you. My love... to you made every sense to you... before, and perhaps... it makes no sense now." Diana stopped crying. She stood next to the dining room table, leaning on it for support. It appeared that now she could talk after she had that "love" part out of her mouth.

"Please for old time sake, let me tell you the story when we're alone, not now..." She looked intensely at Jacob through now her dry eyes. It seemed that now she was making sense and was more in control of her emotions than a minute ago. Then she walked back to where Jacob was sitting. She searched for his hands, but he pulled it away.

"Jacob," She began, feeling she could tell the story and even pay the price for it.

"My dear, love is not only one thing, it's many things in one form. For me my love to you has been my anchor, my savior. When our daughter left, it was love, my love to you and yours to me... that enabled me to live, to survive. Now my kind of love is breaking down. Help me. Save me. Let me tell you tomorrow. Let's these people go to their homes. Save me from this disaster please."

"A minute ago you said that from now on you live with me out of sympathy, now you talk about your love for me! which one is it?" Jacob said with extreme sadness in his voice. Tim started to clap his hands.

"Bravo, bravo..."

Now everyone was back sitting in their usual seats. They all listened to her cry for help, her frantic, yet supplicate cry. However no one wanted to leave. Rosa, who had a very good idea what the story might be, was the only one who offered her support to Diana.

"She is right. I think we all need to leave now, and let them solve their problems without us." Then she looked with a glow of hatred in her eyes to Tim:

"I was told many times what a terrible man you are, but I didn't want to believe it. Now, I'm ashamed of myself for dating you!"

To Be continued