Chapter Eigh||||||| Passages

Aria was served divorce paper in less than a month. By then he thought he was ready for it without any fight; nonetheless, his anguish of Rosy's betrayal was not diminished at all. Working in a restaurant as a waiter was not what his father could approve of, but that was the best he could do. The money was not great; however with Anna's help he was able to manage. He still refused to live with his sister. He wanted to be left alone. The aftermath of all these had affected him so terribly that he dropped all his classes for summer. He could not concentrate on studying anymore.
Anna tried not to give him any advice. She just wanted to be there for him and love him. Their father stayed adamant even after he heard about the divorce. He did not want to communicate with his son; but he used Anna to get information about him. His daughter's reasonable discussion with him did not change his inflexible mind. The inescapable condition that Anna, Aria, and Shahzdeh were caught in was like an obstacle in their eyes; although for an American could seem as no barrier, obstacle, or problem at all.
The test of life, that predestined actualization which traumatized these three people, worked in a different way. The fourth person in the family, Fatie, the mother and wife, had no idea what was happening at home or in America. Anna gained more vigor to try changing her father's mind, to help her brother, and to accomplish her own goals. Aria lost his strength and sense of existence. Shahzdeh felt that in his old age he had nothing to look forward to it.
Anna's unconditional love helped Aria to overcome the provoked anger within him somewhat. Even though they did not live together, there was not a day that they did not see each other. If one day Aria could not go to Anna'a apartment, she would go to the restaurant he worked in the evening just to make sure that he was okay. Her feelings for her brother was above being related by blood. Somehow she felt that Aria was her child and as a mother she had the responsibility to take care of him. Aria not only did not mind his sister's overprotective attention, he enjoyed it, too; and sometimes unconsciously took advantage of it.
With Anna's insistence, Aria enrolled for fall semester. Anna made sure that his apartment was clean, his clothes were laundered and pressed, and he had food in the refrigerator. She left him alone while watching him and taking care of him. She learned how to drive and bought a used Volkswagen Bug, only to have the freedom and convenience to check on her brother at any time or when he called her and needed her.
Her roommate, Marianna, had a hard time to understand Anna's dedication to her eight years older brother. When she learned that Aria was Anna's half brother, she was even more confused. In fact, Anna herself, could not understand why she was so obsessed to take care of her brother to that unbelievable degree. Whatever it was that made her that way, would impact her life. If Aria had a simple cold, she was devastated.
By New Year, her eighteen's birthday, a year after she had left Iran, she was well adjusted to American living, had accumulated forty hours of credits, and had helped her brother to overcome a short, broken marriage. Everything seemed normal; she looked contented; but did she?
In that profoundly realized, but to some degree questionable, vulnerable with her belief; in all that poison of distressing longing that had turned inwards, in the delirium indisposition and uncertainly, strongly solving problems with no regrets , she understood that the heart of happiness and contentment that shone in her was distress and sadness. She felt empty inside. A stormy ocean inside her puzzled her tremendously."What is it I want?" She always talked to herself. "I wanted to come to America, now I am here. I wanted to be in control of my life. Now I am. What is it that I want! Why am I calm outside but in uproar inside?" She did not know the answer.
Marianna gave her the answer one evening when she was getting ready for a date.
"How come you don't date?" She asked.
Anna forced a smile and thought for a minute. "Why do I have to date?"
Marianna laughed: "Why not? Every single person needs to date. We can't fight our nature."
"Our nature? What is our nature? What do you mean?"
"I mean don't you have any desire to meet young men, go out with them; get to know them..."
Anna interrupted her friend: " No, I don't. Iranian girls don't date."
"I am surprised. How come? Don't tell me that you're different or don't have any feeling for men!"
Anna was completely bewildered. After Mariann left, she thought about their conversation. Was that true that she did not have any desire to meet men? Surprisingly she discovered that what was bothering her and making her to feel miserable had something to do with all these feelings and desires that she was trying to suppress them. She was carried away by her emotion blindly. That discovery about herself shivered her and she reminded herself of the culture she was brought up in. What would other people think of her if she would date, or what would they think of her if she would not! Why was it so important to her what people think of her? What would Aria think of her? What if her father would find out? Thinking about all these made her giddy and she fell asleep on the sofa. She had forgotten completely that she was supposed to see Aria in the restaurant.
When Aria called, for a moment, she did not remember where she was. When gradually she gained her awareness, she recalled her outrage, her displeased discovery. To Aria, she just simply said that she had fallen asleep and she would see him tomorrow. She did not have a feeling of sorrow but a blind rage, an extensive feeling of feebleness. In the turmoil of last year, she came to realization that she had been lonelier than ever.
Her heart of compressed ash, as she had lost a loved one, had withstood the most set back of daily reality without pain. Now she felt apart and far with the first wave of nostalgia. The need to feel sad became a weakness as night grew darker. She could not help a knot forming in her throat. Finally her eyes filled with tears and for the first time in one year, she allowed herself to sob. That was the least she could do for herself.
As she slowly eased into her first cry, her mind drifted into the past and memories; and drifted back into the present, as her awareness was awaiting. It was like passages made of spiral and unknown objects that let her walk easily into past and back to now. After her journey was over, she knew that she was feeling better.

To Be Continued

Chapter six, Emptiness

Anna started school that same day. Aria took her to school, and showed her around. They made her to take many tests, one of them English proficiency, and she passed them all. She did not have to take English as a second language (ESL) courses. Because their schedules were different, soon Anna learned how to ride a bus and use public transportation so she did not have to depend on her brother. Her attempt to make friend with Rosy was complete failure. Her future sister-in-law stayed aloof towards her. Anna did not know what attracted her brother to this woman. Rosy was mean and bossy. She lacked femininity. Soon, Anna find out that her brother was afraid of Rosy.
Anna learned to cook simple things, for she could not stand their habits of eating out or fast food every day and night. To her, Rosy cared more about achieving her goal and becoming a medical doctor than her personal life with Aria. Anna did not know how to tell her brother that Rosy was using him and even her for their money; and she was not truly in love with him. It did not need a genius to figure that out. She wondered why Aria, her talented brother, could not see it. As a famous saying goes, when it come to the fair of hearts, they are not a dispute. He was blinded by his love for Rosy and could not see that she did not love him. She was only pretending since she knew how wealthy their fatter was. Anna learned more about Rosy's background. She learned that there was no chance for her to go to medical school without their money, their father's money.
When in the evenings three of them were home, Anna tried to close her eyes and ears so not to hear and see what that deceitful woman was doing to her brother. She tried to concentrate on her studying but that did not stop her of feeling miserable for herself and sorry for her brother.
As the wedding day was getting closer, Anna watched how Rosy used their money to buy extravagant wedding gown. Then in one insomnious night, she overheard Aria and Rosy's argument in their bedroom.
"Listen honey, she is the only family I have here. I want her to be one of the bridesmaid." Aria's voice was gentle and supplicating.
"I told you many times no. I've already picked my bridesmaids, no."
"Please, what has she done to you that you hate her so much? She is my sister."
"Listen, if you keep insisting, the wedding is off."
"Don't do this to me sweet heart. I love you; but she is the only family I have here, please!"
"No,no,no, and one more thing, she can't live with us when we marry. She needs to find another place to live. I can't stand this anymore."
"How can we do this? First, we need her money. Our income has doubled since she came; besides if we tell her to find her own place, my father will find out and I don't know what he will do."
"That is up to you. I don't know how you're going to do it, but you must. You can stop going to school and work and let me finish first, and then you can finish school."
Anna covered her ears with her hands so not to hear anymore. Now she was certain that Rosy did not care for Aria. She was an absolute user.
At school Anna put an add on the bulletin board: "Need a female roommate". Soon many responded to her ad. Among all the girls, Anna liked Marianna. She was a nursing student, too. Anna wanted to get a nursing degree and began working and perhaps after that she would get her PHD to become a nursing professor. Anyway, they found an apartment very close to university; and a week before the wedding, she broke the news to Aria and Rosy:
"I've found this apartment close to school. I'm moving out this weekend."
Aria's eyes dilated while Rosy's face wreathed in smile.
"How are you going to tell dad?" Aria asked.
"I don't know. I think of something." She answered while smiling back at Rosy.
Anna never told her brother that she had overheard them. She attended the wedding like other guest. It was summer of 1967. Anna felt emptier than ever.

To be continued

Chapter Six----------------------------EMPTINESS

When they entered Aria's apartment, all the lights were off. They went in the dark while Anna wondered where Rosy, her brother's girlfriend was.
"Where is Rosy? I thought she lives with you!"
"She does. She is asleep. Let's not make any noise. She can't go back to sleep if she wakes up."
"Can we put the lights on? I need to unpack."
"Do it in the morning. I told you we can't disturb Rosy."
Anna shuddered and tears swam in her eyes. Her brother was not the same. Something had happened. He took her to a room which was not actually a room but part of the living room and yet was separate from living room.
"This is our study. You can have it for now until we find a two bedroom apartment."
She nodded her head and stayed in dark alone. She had to much to say to her brother; but it seemed that he had no desire to talk to her. She conjured up her cousin in London, two nights ago. "They stayed up almost all night and talked to me. We had so much to say to each other. She remembered how his British wife participated willingly in their discourse and remembrance. Aria looked and acted like a stranger. It felt as though he was afraid of his girlfriend, a woman he wanted to marry soon.
There was no bed in the study; however there was a sofa. Aria had left a pillow and a blanket there for her. When Anna's eyes got accustomed to the dark, she opened her suitcase and looked for something comfortable to wear. She sat on the sofa all night and pondered and predicted a hard and harsh life with her brother and his girlfriend. "What will I do?" She thought to herself. She could not live alone. Her father would not allow it. And she was smart enough to realize that she was not welcomed there. She could not go back. She did not want to. "What will I do?"
She conjured up their drive from airport to Aria's home. He was quiet. She could not understand why her brother was not showing any excitement seeing her. She remembered their vehement letters after her father finally agreed for her to go and join her brother. It was him, her brother, that gave him enough courage to fight their father. Why was he silent?
"Are you tired?" She had asked him in the car.
"Ya, why are you asking?"
"You're very quiet. Aren't you happy to see me? We did it."
"Oh, I'm happy. I'm just tired. I have so much in my mind. We talk later."
He did not want even to continue the conversation.
"Am I going to be a nuisance in your life?" She had asked.
Aria Suddenly turned his face to her. His eyes dilated. "No, don't worry too much little sis."
Sitting on the sofa, staring into the dark, Anna could not wait for the morning. She even did not know if she would start school in the morning. There was no window in the study or the addition of the living room; however, the window in the living room enticed her to walk slowly and quietly there. Their apartment, seemed to her, was located in the outskirt of the city of Washington D.C. She did not see any high way, as she had heard about American high ways in Iran. She had been to America once but that was many years ago and they had gone to California since her father had some friends there.
A car or two passed occasionally. Everything was dark and grimy. She felt out of place and blue. She was in so much shock that no thoughts passed her mind. She felt unfeeling. Finally she gave up the window and went back to the study and sat on the sofa while hugging her knees. A cold shiver entered her body and she draped the blanket around her shoulder and finally fell asleep in sitting position. It was five in the morning, a cold, wintry morning far from all things familiar to her.
When Aria came to the living room at six in the morning, he found her sister asleep in sitting position with her head bent on her shoulder and knees in her chest. He silently went to the kitchen to make coffee; but the sound of the water awakened Anna from her one hour sleep. She joined him in the kitchen.
"We need to call Iran. Dad expect our call." She said.
Aria remained speechless for a moment and then said:
"I am sure he calls himself."
Anna did not know what to say. She had promised her father to call.
"I promised dad to call."
"We don't throw our money away by phone calls." His voice was strange.
Anna, bewildered, thought for a minute. If her brother's attitude was like that on her first day staying with him, how would it be later? "Why does he care for the phone bills? He doesn't work. Dad pays for everything." She thought to herself.
"What is the difference Aria? Doesn't dad pay for your living here?"
"Are you trying to cause problem for me? We are trying to save money for our wedding."
Anna lowered her head and did not say anything. She left the kitchen and went back to study. Somehow she knew that her brother's coldness and indifference had something to do with his girlfriend. Her suitcases was still in the corner of that room and she was frightened to ask her brother where to hang her clothes. Coffee was perking in the kitchen. She imagined that she needed to drink coffee instead of tea that was their custom for morning breakfast, and after lunch and dinner. She could hear Aria's electric shaver in the bathroom. She realized that she had not used the bathroom since she had arrived the night before. She stayed unspoken and unfeeling on the sofa until the bedroom door was opened and she saw Rosy for the first time.She did not know what to do! An unknown fear from this woman had already set in. Rosy went to the kitchen. She had a pink, satin robe on. She poured herself a cup of coffee without looking at Anna. Bewildered Anna pondered for a moment: "What will I do?"Her cultural upbringing came to her rescue. She got up from the sofa and went to the kitchen.
"Hello Rosy, nice to see you."
Rosy took a glimpse from the corner of her eye and put her cup on the kitchen table. "Oh, hi," At this time Aria came to the kitchen. " I see that you two met."
Rosy glanced at him and said nothing. Then she went to the bathroom. Soon Anna could hear the shower. She needed one, too. But she was afraid even to use the bathroom.
When Aria and she were alone, Anna finally broke into a hysterical cry. Aria, very upset, said:
"What is wrong?"
Anna raised her head and looked at him through her rainy eyes: "It seems to me that I'm not welcomed here."
"I don't know what are you talking about?"
"Yes, you do. You've changed. What is wrong with you? We haven't spoken barely since I came last night. I am even afraid to use the bathroom. I don't know where to hang my clothes. You don't let me call dad. What else do you want me to tell you? You said if I come, you take care of me. You convinced dad. Now you say there is nothing wrong."
Aria stayed quiet. Then he walked to Anna and gently hugged her.
"I'm sorry Anna. You're right. See this is America. It is different than Iran. We have a small apartment. It's going to be hard on Rosy."
"What do you want me to do? I have my own money. You can rent a bigger place. I thought that you're already done it. Do you want me to go back to Iran? If that is so, I will; but then I have to tell dad about Rosy and that you two are living together. You know what that means. If dad finds out, he is not going to send you money anymore."
"Are you threatening me?"
"No, I am not. But you are putting me in a very bad situation. What do you want me to do? I don't know anything about here. Can you just tolerate me for a little while until I learn my way around?"
"I am sorry Anna. I don't know what have gotten into me!"
*

To be continued