Showing posts with label Emptiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emptiness. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Chapter Six----------------------------EMPTINESS

When they entered Aria's apartment, all the lights were off. They went in the dark while Anna wondered where Rosy, her brother's girlfriend was.
"Where is Rosy? I thought she lives with you!"
"She does. She is asleep. Let's not make any noise. She can't go back to sleep if she wakes up."
"Can we put the lights on? I need to unpack."
"Do it in the morning. I told you we can't disturb Rosy."
Anna shuddered and tears swam in her eyes. Her brother was not the same. Something had happened. He took her to a room which was not actually a room but part of the living room and yet was separate from living room.
"This is our study. You can have it for now until we find a two bedroom apartment."
She nodded her head and stayed in dark alone. She had to much to say to her brother; but it seemed that he had no desire to talk to her. She conjured up her cousin in London, two nights ago. "They stayed up almost all night and talked to me. We had so much to say to each other. She remembered how his British wife participated willingly in their discourse and remembrance. Aria looked and acted like a stranger. It felt as though he was afraid of his girlfriend, a woman he wanted to marry soon.
There was no bed in the study; however there was a sofa. Aria had left a pillow and a blanket there for her. When Anna's eyes got accustomed to the dark, she opened her suitcase and looked for something comfortable to wear. She sat on the sofa all night and pondered and predicted a hard and harsh life with her brother and his girlfriend. "What will I do?" She thought to herself. She could not live alone. Her father would not allow it. And she was smart enough to realize that she was not welcomed there. She could not go back. She did not want to. "What will I do?"
She conjured up their drive from airport to Aria's home. He was quiet. She could not understand why her brother was not showing any excitement seeing her. She remembered their vehement letters after her father finally agreed for her to go and join her brother. It was him, her brother, that gave him enough courage to fight their father. Why was he silent?
"Are you tired?" She had asked him in the car.
"Ya, why are you asking?"
"You're very quiet. Aren't you happy to see me? We did it."
"Oh, I'm happy. I'm just tired. I have so much in my mind. We talk later."
He did not want even to continue the conversation.
"Am I going to be a nuisance in your life?" She had asked.
Aria Suddenly turned his face to her. His eyes dilated. "No, don't worry too much little sis."
Sitting on the sofa, staring into the dark, Anna could not wait for the morning. She even did not know if she would start school in the morning. There was no window in the study or the addition of the living room; however, the window in the living room enticed her to walk slowly and quietly there. Their apartment, seemed to her, was located in the outskirt of the city of Washington D.C. She did not see any high way, as she had heard about American high ways in Iran. She had been to America once but that was many years ago and they had gone to California since her father had some friends there.
A car or two passed occasionally. Everything was dark and grimy. She felt out of place and blue. She was in so much shock that no thoughts passed her mind. She felt unfeeling. Finally she gave up the window and went back to the study and sat on the sofa while hugging her knees. A cold shiver entered her body and she draped the blanket around her shoulder and finally fell asleep in sitting position. It was five in the morning, a cold, wintry morning far from all things familiar to her.
When Aria came to the living room at six in the morning, he found her sister asleep in sitting position with her head bent on her shoulder and knees in her chest. He silently went to the kitchen to make coffee; but the sound of the water awakened Anna from her one hour sleep. She joined him in the kitchen.
"We need to call Iran. Dad expect our call." She said.
Aria remained speechless for a moment and then said:
"I am sure he calls himself."
Anna did not know what to say. She had promised her father to call.
"I promised dad to call."
"We don't throw our money away by phone calls." His voice was strange.
Anna, bewildered, thought for a minute. If her brother's attitude was like that on her first day staying with him, how would it be later? "Why does he care for the phone bills? He doesn't work. Dad pays for everything." She thought to herself.
"What is the difference Aria? Doesn't dad pay for your living here?"
"Are you trying to cause problem for me? We are trying to save money for our wedding."
Anna lowered her head and did not say anything. She left the kitchen and went back to study. Somehow she knew that her brother's coldness and indifference had something to do with his girlfriend. Her suitcases was still in the corner of that room and she was frightened to ask her brother where to hang her clothes. Coffee was perking in the kitchen. She imagined that she needed to drink coffee instead of tea that was their custom for morning breakfast, and after lunch and dinner. She could hear Aria's electric shaver in the bathroom. She realized that she had not used the bathroom since she had arrived the night before. She stayed unspoken and unfeeling on the sofa until the bedroom door was opened and she saw Rosy for the first time.She did not know what to do! An unknown fear from this woman had already set in. Rosy went to the kitchen. She had a pink, satin robe on. She poured herself a cup of coffee without looking at Anna. Bewildered Anna pondered for a moment: "What will I do?"Her cultural upbringing came to her rescue. She got up from the sofa and went to the kitchen.
"Hello Rosy, nice to see you."
Rosy took a glimpse from the corner of her eye and put her cup on the kitchen table. "Oh, hi," At this time Aria came to the kitchen. " I see that you two met."
Rosy glanced at him and said nothing. Then she went to the bathroom. Soon Anna could hear the shower. She needed one, too. But she was afraid even to use the bathroom.
When Aria and she were alone, Anna finally broke into a hysterical cry. Aria, very upset, said:
"What is wrong?"
Anna raised her head and looked at him through her rainy eyes: "It seems to me that I'm not welcomed here."
"I don't know what are you talking about?"
"Yes, you do. You've changed. What is wrong with you? We haven't spoken barely since I came last night. I am even afraid to use the bathroom. I don't know where to hang my clothes. You don't let me call dad. What else do you want me to tell you? You said if I come, you take care of me. You convinced dad. Now you say there is nothing wrong."
Aria stayed quiet. Then he walked to Anna and gently hugged her.
"I'm sorry Anna. You're right. See this is America. It is different than Iran. We have a small apartment. It's going to be hard on Rosy."
"What do you want me to do? I have my own money. You can rent a bigger place. I thought that you're already done it. Do you want me to go back to Iran? If that is so, I will; but then I have to tell dad about Rosy and that you two are living together. You know what that means. If dad finds out, he is not going to send you money anymore."
"Are you threatening me?"
"No, I am not. But you are putting me in a very bad situation. What do you want me to do? I don't know anything about here. Can you just tolerate me for a little while until I learn my way around?"
"I am sorry Anna. I don't know what have gotten into me!"
*

To be continued

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Chapter Six, *************** EMPTINESS

So many words have lost their essence,
Entity, emptiness, mountain, and feather.
In their effort to say what needed to sense;
They moved away out of open doors up into weather.

We worshipped the emptiness for years,
Which obstructed our entity.
We built a castle of love free from fears.
But the emptiness robbed our sanity.
And our entity, in desperation, passed
And we extol the event once more in its entire;
Detached from who I was, his fear, hope, and my past,
Unfastened from the strong, dangerous desire.

Here we are and the mountain is feather now;
That was stormed into the emptiness somehow.
*
What was death to her? An emblem; the death of what history talked, something haughty, all inclusive, and grimy. What was death to him? A lifting of body and sinking away, unfinished business, unfairness, and cruelty of God. The core of the world could not be the same as the rippling tumult and refuge of the small drowsy breeze, waves, movements, and thoughts. And there were thoughts, discourses, and communications that Joseph would miss the most, thinking about his death. The sensation was nothing but disbelief, a nihilism and dubiety for everything he knew, learned, and believed. For Anna, however, it was a different sensation; anger, a savage anger towards God, who was about to rob the final ecstasy she had found in the company of her husband and friend.
As she felt his body soaring into hers, she saw how it was sinking away at the same time. It seemed to impose a tune, a new oscillation in her. There was something frightening in the boundlessness and tranquility of their home; as his warmth captured her and cast away her last rigor. Soon, he would join the nature, what he admired the most, and she would join the infuriating, what she knew for a long time. The uncouth blast of life seemed obstructed in their room, while they were together. They remained indifferent to all else. What Joseph repeatedly said to Anna made her uneasy and sardonic:
"I apologized for all of this, for what I'm putting you through; but I'm grateful, too for what you're doing for me."
Anna could not understand his apology or gratefulness.
"Wouldn't you do the same if you were me?"
"I would!"
"Then don't apologize to me."
Joseph gently caressed her hair and a faded smile wreathed his face. Anna messaged his forehead and kissed him on his lips.
"When I married you, suddenly and immediately all the fog around me was lifted. I understood then what I had felt before were conflict and discord, were not so. They were unity and harmony; that discrepancy inside me was a formulated way, my own exclusive counter blast. My personality then, was divided to two; a calm, peaceful, and composed one when I was alone. Now my individuality is in its blooming quintessence, once was two in process. The day I married you was a great day in my life. It was the end of hesitation and doubts about my disunion and discord and the beginning of lucidness and sobriety in my feeling and knowledge." Anna's voice was trembling with emotion.
Joseph's eyes dilated. He had noting to say, for he had felt the same when he married Anna.
*

To Be Continued